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OP
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So... what do you want to talk about?
Please dont post that longggg letter again, it makes my eyes cross... lets have a discussion..
You WERE here before your husband started posting..
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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So... what do you want to talk about?
Please dont post that longggg letter again, it makes my eyes cross... lets have a discussion..
You WERE here before your husband started posting.. RMX, I am convinced that she is still in the affair. I doubt that you will get discussion. CV
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We understand you are mad and feel attacked, but this can be a safe place for you to heal too. One day you are going to be so ashamed of what you did to your husband, and to all these threads. The letter you wrote is of somebody who needs help.
If you want to recover you marriage, there is lots of help here.
Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr
A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.
The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow
Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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Before you Read THIS LETTER I wrote to some (I don't know yet everyone that my husband choose - but you MUST know that what he did to expose my emotional affair was VERY VERY DANGEROUS to publically humiliate your spouse - I don't know if we will survive this YET, I am still in prayer...but I do know that I am thankful I heard God's voice cause I almost ended my life...YOU MUST MUST be careful in choosing to do something that ruins your spouses life outside the marriage...not only do they have a failed marriage but EVERY relationship she or he knows is also TAINTED from your choice to HUMILIATE them...God has LAID this very heavily on me to post this (my husband will not share where he go the PROCESS to humiliate me as he did but God has laid a very heavy heart on me to share my story and to warn others DO NOT DO THIS!) I will post this on EVERY forum that I find... I was so thankful my church was not the one who gave him that advice, our pastor has seen 2 suicides in a case just like ours. I HEARD GODS VOICE, if I HAD NOT I would not be here to day to share this! Had you heard God's voice, I think you would be reminded of Nathan and David. David was PUBLICLY told the story. I really doubt the events of 2 Samuel 11-12 were in private. I suspect they were in David's court. Certainly 2 Samuel 12:12 indicates that the consequences for David's actions were to be public: Thus says the LORD, �Behold, I will raise up evil against you from your own household; I will even take your wives before your eyes and give them to your companion, and he will lie with your wives in [f]broad daylight. 12 Indeed you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, and [g]under the sun.�� I am writing to all of you to share some sad, heart changing, amazing things. To begin with I don�t know who my husband *edit* choose to share our struggle with an emotional affair that I was involved with off and on for 6 months but I have chosen to share this with all of you. I am GUILTY of this and *edit* was lead by his heart to persecute me� when I say this it is because he chose to share the details of this with family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances of mine. By my actions he felt compelled by our God almighty to shame me into returning to him, hence saving our marriage. I pray that what he did will save our marriage � I am at prayer for that. I have always been a believer of Christ and was on fire for the Lord for a long time. I don�t know at what point that I went from having God visit me daily to me only speaking of his name and not feeling his grace. By not having God in our lives � the devil was able to enter and enter he did. You may choose not to read anymore but what you read may change your life and if you are not in a personal relationship with him you may find your way to the Lord our Savior, our Redeemer. In other words, it's not your fault. There is always an excuse. You have many choices you could have made other than having an emotional affair. If you were not going to church, you certainly could have spent some time worshiping in a church, getting a group of Godly Christian women as friends. You didn't choose to do these things. But to make it sound like your husband failed is just a blame shift. It's blaming the victim. You are NOT the victim here, he is. Until you get that, you will continue to destroy your marriage. Yes, it will be you who destroys it if you continue down this path. Before you read the rest of this story I want you to know I cast no blame on *edit* for his actions as he felt he was at his end with me and knew of no other way to try to keep me but by shaming me. *edit* and I have always appeared to be the perfect couple � we were till we slowly grew apart from one another we did not nurture and care for our marriage in a Christian manner, this is one reason why so many marriages end in divorce. This is NOT an excuse but it opened a hole in my life that allowed the devil to creep in and grasp a hold of. My �affair� started very innocently and preceded that way for sometime, in my mind. I sought conversations with this man for the purity of not having any conflicts with him, and he would cast no opinion on me. This should have never been happening as we as a couple should have been there for one another. As it flourished I began having feelings for this other man. I fought this battle in my heart and my brain for several months, as I would stop and say �what I am doing is wrong� but then I would �miss� having that friend of mine and he too would come back and contact me. I was battling my heart and had asked *edit* for a trial separation, he refused me. I thought once again I could make my heart click for him � it would not because God was not yet back in our marriage � I was shoving him away. You are speaking out of both sides of your mouth. You are trying to convince us you are not blaming your husband. Then what do you do? You blame your husband. The only one to blame is you for having poor boundaries and making poor choices. The day that *edit* sent out the letter requesting prayer for my affair that I was carrying on, I was away with my daughter at a swim meet. He had sought counsel on public humiliation of cheating spouses, as I have never heard of this, and I don�t believe he handled the information correctly however it opened a wide gate of hell not just for me but for *edit* as well. He stands strong by what he chose and this will be one thing that I will need prayer for, my shame for my actions. I was angry, hurt and felt betrayed by him as he did by what I had done. I know the hurt as I too was cheated on by my first husband, I know, how could I be put through it one way then do it onto him � I don�t have an answer for that but God was not around us, I had shut him out. With my anger it turned to self-pity � I wanted nothing more than to kill myself I could not bare the shame of what I had done. I am a strong woman but the pity was stronger. I attempted to end my life on Sunday with my hand gun I had it to my head and then visions of me being splattered all over the car for my children to see left me shattered�but I still had not come to God for peace. Monday I drove to *edit* to work and I cried and I tried to pray to God yelling my self-pity of my terrible act. nothing. I left work early because I could barely stand myself pretending to be fine. I went to my car and *edit* had called and he was the last person I wanted to talk to, I hung up, so I thought. I got in my car and I had been listening to Christian Radio Station and it had someone speaking, last name of Rainey is all I can remember. He was speaking of him and his wife and how they were Christians and said they lived in a Christian home but in all reality they did not. They did not pray they did not have a relationship vertically or horizontally with our Lord Jesus Christ�He continued to speak and he mentioned his wife�s name, it was Amy�. and I yelled and cursed at the radio, I said �Really GOD� That is just coincidence is it not? As I was screaming at the radio station I had not hung up with *edit* and heard my desperation and the radio station channel as well. This gentleman had mentioned the book of Ephesians chapter 5 and I had my kindle with me (don�t do this while your driving as I did) and I opened my bible on the kindle to this chapter and began reading. I ended at Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. I felt that I too needed to end my life for my children, �why should I put my children through this shame when someone sees me they will see a cheater, a liar, a whore or insert word of your choice� �if I die, I will soon be forgotten and there will be no whispers��I drove down a lonely road off of *edit* Road close to *edit* to an area that had a lake I was going to drive my car into the lake since my husband took my hand gun away from me. Before I decided to take the final plunge I took a walk down a trail that was there, it was so cold on Monday afternoon. I wanted to think for a moment and remember my children and ask God to guide them at that moment I heard a voice commanding me to �lay down� right there it was an area with leaves and dirt but I heard it �Lay down right there� I did I could not stop crying out to God why have you punished me? I knew I had punished myself because of my choices. I yelled to God seeking forgiveness and seeking is grace God forgives and he commanded me to forgive myself for the choices I made. As I laid there the wind was blowing so strong and I could feel the holy spirit moving I begged for cleansing of my soul and mind he spoke �if all things are gone in this world I will yet remain� �For those who judge you they too will be judged�. I know some will say she is crazy, I have never HEARD the voice of our LORD audibly EVER I can safely say today that I have. As I lay there and felt the wind blowing it became so still that I shuddered. But the next thing I heard was �Get up and MOVE, MOVE and go tell your husband you love him�. Move my anger Move my heart and Move my marriage is all that heard on the way home that day. I do know that God moved me and he is still moving me. I know that this is only the beginning of what his plan is for me/my marriage/my family, but I do know that the beginning with God is the BEST place I can be. All things are possible through him.
Some of you might close this up and say �wow those people are c r a z y� and that is true. But I can tell you this I shared this story with you today because I know I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be. I also know that some of you to may be suffering from being separated from our Lord Jesus, or infidelity, or addiction, or whatever it is that is keeping you from having a relationship with Christ. My story MAY or MAY not touch you but if you have read this all and wondering �why did she just share all of that?� Because God put things in my life to MOVE me and I am so thankful that I heard his voice that day because my family would still be searching for me today. I will never NEVER forget his mercy he showed me and giving me the opportunity to grow in him again.
With all of these things that have happened I pray and continue to pray that *edit* and I can heal, I am and we will continue to grow in the Lord. I pray for all of you. And I ask for prayer from all of you and I am so thankful for Gods Mercy. If you are really suicidal, then get help. Leave out the stuff where you blame your husband. It just makes you look petty and dramatic. Not dramatic in a good way. If you are not suicidal, then please get help for your inability to own your actions. Study the story of David and Bathsheba, and read Psalms 51. Now that is an apology. Remember, God "humiliated" David for his sinful choices. You are getting off mildly. Instead of blaming your husband for shining the light on your sin, why not thank him, agree that it was wrong, and then start down the path of what is right? I am not naive enough to think that your husband is spiritually pure. He has learning to attain as well. So why not join ranks with him and start down that path of learning? And thank him again for exposing your sin and starting you down the right path. Thank him!
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Please stop posting that letter on everyones thread. We do not want you to get blocked by doing this because I think you will want help later and need to be able to post.
Most of the threads you posted this on are way past the exposior part.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Please stop posting that letter on everyones thread. We do not want you to get blocked by doing this because I think you will want help later and need to be able to post.
Most of the threads you posted this on are way past the exposior part. Huh? I've posted it once, so what are you talking about?
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he was talking about almostdied's cut n paste spree, not you EE 
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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Yes, I've found it on several other peoples thread where she is finding every chance she can to post it.
Not you at all. In fact, I could not get through the whole thing so I like to see it broken down like that.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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AlmostDied --
I would be happy to have a dialogue with you.
I also had an affair, and I was also suicidal.
I've been in your shoes. And I know the way out.
Care to talk?
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AlmostDied, I'm here with some hope. Marriages can recover from affairs, and can even become better & stronger. There's hope for that. I know it for a fact.
Everything may seem hopelessly wrecked to you, but I'm here to tell you that you can make your way back. You can't do it all at once, and it won't be easy. You can only do it one step at a time. But the path is there, if you stop sounding off, and listen for a bit...
You're not humiliated because of exposure. If your husband had told everyone that you'd been going to Starbuck's with women-friends, or to the grocery store to buy gallon-jugs of milk behind his back, you wouldn't feel humiliated, would you? Of course not.
Rather, what seems humiliating to you is your own prior conduct. That's not on your husband. It's on you.
Your first step in recovering your marriage & in being the person you know you should be, is to own up to your conduct 100%. Without trying to make your H out to be the bad guy. Without trying to deflect blame back at him.
Your actions put him in a desperate position. Desperate measures were called for. The poor man wanted to end your affair & save his marriage, and was getting no help from you. I think he deserves some slack from the woman who promised unconditionally to cherish & honor him.
The good news is, the fact that you feel ashamed of your conduct means that you know it was wrong. It means you've got a touch of conscience. That means there's hope for you.
That's good as far as it goes. But hope won't substitute for right decisions. Now you're at a point of decision. You can decide to focus on your husband's exposure & how that affected you; or you can decide to focus on your own conduct & how that affected him & your marriage.
Then the two of you could decide to do the hard emotional spadework, together, that will be needed to save your marriage & make it better than before.
But he can't do it on his own, and he can't do it burdened by a wife whose lips keep citing God's Word while her own words & actions remain saturated in the pride which that very Word counsels against.
You can never be proud of your affair, but you can, someday, find contentment in having turned from your selfishness. But you've gotta stop the tantrum, drop the pride, knock off the suicide-threats & all the other self-oriented drama, hit your knees, and decide to be again the woman whom you'd want your children to be able to remember you as, to be the woman your husband thought you were when he took your ring on his finger.
You got questions? Ask me.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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It's painfully obvious what you are trying to do with that letter (manipulate) and it's not going to work.
I would ask you to maintain NC for at least a week or two to allow for some de-fogging before you send that out and embarass yourself.
The more a wayward spouse hates exposure, and the bigger the tantrum they have (you are having a spectacular one!) the better job it did. That letter just tells me that you had definitely not ended your affair but now that your BH has exposed, there is a very good chance it will.
Your H may have just saved your M. You should be thanking him. Again, if you maintain NC, you will see what we are talking about. Good luck!
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1. My wife is thankful she was exposed back in 2005.
2. As far as what people in your small town will think...my wife and I have learned that we've become the go to couple for our friends that are also encountering significant marital problems (which all to often involve other persons). Infidelity is EVERYWHERE and you'll soon learn you're not some lone pariah, but rather a small subset of a HUGE group of sinners ...the small subset being the repentant ones that can and will lead others from sin.
He is the way, the truth and light. The survival of your marriage will be a testament to His glory and you BOTH (your husband should also repent for his sins) will become beacons to your friends and neighbors with regards to forgiveness, repentance and marital restoration.
Shame, on some level will always be a consequence of sin, however, you won't believe how much less shame you feel when you realize just how much your ordeal and the public disclosure of the same ends up helping other people.
God has a plan for you. Trust it.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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God has LAID this very heavily on me to post this (my husband will not share where he go the PROCESS to humiliate me as he did but God has laid a very heavy heart on me to share my story and to warn others DO NOT DO THIS!) Here's what God actually says about exposure: "Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.� John 3:20-21 Be careful that the voice telling you to spread this warning is not the Father of Lies himself who wants to keep your soul within his clutches.
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AlmostDied, please watch this video: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.htmlInstead of coming here to tell a lot of people things, why don't you start learning, so you can avoid these mistakes in the future? You showed up here to try to lecture and educate people who have been studying infidelity for up to ten years! It's about time to quit talking and start listening.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Why don't you own the sins you've committed, come into the light and expose yourself to those around you. Confess them yourself. It will be amazingly freeing for you. Then commit to a plan of recovery to restore your marriage.
I am not a betrayed spouse, btw -- I am a FWW who exposed myself.
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To the OP. please read I John 4:1.
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19 And this is the judgment, that the light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the light; for their works were evil.
20 For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, and cometh not to the light, lest his works should be reproved.
21 But he that doeth the truth cometh to the light, that his works may be made manifest, that they have been wrought in God.
(John 3:19)
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed (James 5:16)
When you can confess your faults without harping on your victim's faults, Prisca and I will pray for you. Make a pure confession that does not include anything else about anything anybody else did.
Here's what God tells you to do if you want Him to forgive you of your adultery: stop judging your husband. I'm serious; it's straight out of the mouth of Jesus in Matthew 7:
1 Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother�s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, �Let me take the speck out of your eye,� when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother�s eye.
Would you like God to judge you for your adultery (beam)? Then keep harping on your husband's mote (exposure). He will be quite merciless to you if you continue to be so cruel to your victim instead of making pure confession of your own fault.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I have to give her credit that at least she isn't trying to use the MB card after the GOD/SEX/SUICIDE cards all failed.
She just ain't talking now.
FBH 34 me,FWW 34,
DS 14, OC-D 12 (given up for adoption), DS-8, DD-5
D-Day#1 10-12-1998
D-Day#2 2-10-2008
Recovered!
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I have to give her credit that at least she isn't trying to use the MB card after the GOD/SEX/SUICIDE cards all failed.
She just ain't talking now. I don't give her an ounce of credit for that. I consider the inability to face one's sins an act of cowardice. But then, waywards ARE cowards, so I guess that comes with the title.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I want to point out we betrayed spouses, along with some waywards all 'almost died' when faced with infidelity.
You face your broken spirit, your horror of the heinous event and choose to build a future.....God willing.
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