The Affair that won't end - 12/30/11 09:34 PM
I need advise. In late October I discovered that my wife of 23 years had been calling and texting a co-worker. From August 1 until November 12 she racked up over 4,500 min of phone time and 400 texts. On top of that she was spending almost everyday at lunch with him for an hour. Most of the call came at night when she was supposedly out walking for excercise.
When I discovered this I approached her and she said that he is a really good friend and very easy to talk to. Towards the middle of November, she said that she would not text him or call him and that she would only talk to him as required by work. I found out that she had continued texting him after that and stillcontinues to text periodically. Once the affair was uncovered, she became very distant and we have not had ANY physical contact since. She now has gone into a funk where she continues to work out to get in shape but has no desire to sit and talk with me or really spend any time together.
ONce I found out that this was going on, I started talking to her about why and she explained that I had become distant and never would sit and talk or put her ahead of other tthings. I continue to work hard on givingf her attention but she is so cold and non-engaged into our relationship that I feel like I'm wasting my timer. Last Friday, I caught them toghther and was very upset. Later that day we talked for 4.5 hrs and I explained that our relationship will not work if she is going to continue seeing him and talking with him. She also does not consider her relationshp an affair. For two months, our relationship has had not intac at all and has had very limited conversation. At first I was a wet blanket and would constantly be there asking questions about where she was and what she had been doing. Now I have taken the approach that I am giving her a lot of space and not talking about any of it with hopes that she will maybe start to miss me. I have askd her to go to counceling and she flat out refuses because she doesn't want anyone getting in her head. What should I do becaue I am misserable and cannot sstand this. Any advise would be great!!!
When I discovered this I approached her and she said that he is a really good friend and very easy to talk to. Towards the middle of November, she said that she would not text him or call him and that she would only talk to him as required by work. I found out that she had continued texting him after that and stillcontinues to text periodically. Once the affair was uncovered, she became very distant and we have not had ANY physical contact since. She now has gone into a funk where she continues to work out to get in shape but has no desire to sit and talk with me or really spend any time together.
ONce I found out that this was going on, I started talking to her about why and she explained that I had become distant and never would sit and talk or put her ahead of other tthings. I continue to work hard on givingf her attention but she is so cold and non-engaged into our relationship that I feel like I'm wasting my timer. Last Friday, I caught them toghther and was very upset. Later that day we talked for 4.5 hrs and I explained that our relationship will not work if she is going to continue seeing him and talking with him. She also does not consider her relationshp an affair. For two months, our relationship has had not intac at all and has had very limited conversation. At first I was a wet blanket and would constantly be there asking questions about where she was and what she had been doing. Now I have taken the approach that I am giving her a lot of space and not talking about any of it with hopes that she will maybe start to miss me. I have askd her to go to counceling and she flat out refuses because she doesn't want anyone getting in her head. What should I do becaue I am misserable and cannot sstand this. Any advise would be great!!!