FEMALE wayward fog disassembled and decoded - 04/27/12 03:56 PM
I could not pass up this opportunity to do some FEMALE wayward fog translation:
Except, oopsie, she is still legally married "on paper".
A man who is also still legally married "on paper". Oopsie again.
Even a small-brained bird knows not to lay eggs before building a nest for the chicks.
Again, oopsie, still legally married to their daddy. Nicely done! Exemplary parenting example!
Learn the difference between "separated" and "divorced".
This not yet divorced man (who has an out of wedlock-child) is cheating on his mistress ??? BIG SHOCKER !!!!
Again, exemplary parenting example!
Let's all pay attention to this.
The first few months of a fresh new relationship (between 2 not-yet-divorced people) almost always seems great. Why? Because it's still all courting/flirting/admiration/attention ..... without any of that nasty "real life" intruding on the feel-good-fantasy.
The first few months feel so great BECAUSE they are the first few months.
(adults are supposed to know this)
Remember this for future references.
It takes time to really know a person's character.
During the courting/flirting/admiration/attention phase ....
"He promised"!?!?
You based your life on his "promise"?
He's still a near stranger !!!!!
I am sorry for your loss.
"Real life" takes the *sparkle* out of the fantasy-romantic-not-yet-divorced courting relationship.
Your perfect (not yet divorced) man did not want real life, yanno?
Your not yet divorced man wants to flirt/and have fun.
He's not wanting a baby-mama-drama.
You might have sympathy for this "girl". She fell for the same song & dance that you did.
She was told he was "all but divorced".
She was told she was "special".
She was told he'd treat her better than any other man ever has or ever would.
He's a player.
A player.
Players pick out easy targets who choose to ignore the obvious. (He's still married and cheating on you)
"Tried to move past it" .... is code for pretending the facts are different and do not really exist. (Like pretending both of you are not still legally married)
A player + a woman willing to ignore facts = disaster.
A player plays. BIG SHOCKER !
If you say so ........
However, an awesome father does not play the player and put his child's welfare at risk.
I guess being an awesome father got old and tiresome after a few months. Yes?
Your player was not "SUCKED IN".
He made conscious choices.
As do you, lady with 3 kids.
What an awesome father-figure.
Players PLAY, girlfriend.
Time you learned this.
Nothing surprising here.
What did you expect?
He's already shown his character to you.
You want a labrador retriever for a partner, but you bedded and made a baby with a wolf.
Players target a certain type of reality-denying woman.
That would be YOU.
The huge gap is he wants to play around.
That is the nature of a wolf.
Any self respecting woman would have recognized this as total bullcrap and laughed in his face!
But, a reality-denying (not yet divorced) woman will twist his lies into something hopeful.
HE threatened to leave, and any self respecting woman would have kicked his butt out!
A player + a reality-denying woman = disaster.
He's a player because he's a player. NOT because of "immature comments".
Don't be ridiculous!
*insert wolf howl here*
Tried to ignore REALITY and his character flaws.
Oy-vey!
This means this awesome dad wolf/player has NO MONEY of his own to go visit his mom, right?
Denial is not just a river in Egypt!
Women who try to buy the love of their player/wolf romantic loser are just deaf/dumb/blind to reality.
Sad.
You forget to mention how all of this affects your THREE CHILDREN!
Your awesome dad not-yet-divorced man has it good, doesn't he?
Well done you!
You've trained him to treat you poorly.
Exceptionally well done!
Players play and lie about it.
No biggie.
You can deny this too if you put your mind to it!
Let's just "move past it" like you never saw it.
OK?
That's what volunteer victims do, yanno?
Excellent denial!
You go girl!
Because he will threaten to leave, right?
EXCELLENT denial!
You go girl!
And, you really want to pretend this relationship has a future, don'cha?
So now he's paying all the bills, right?
Right ....... like hell he is.
But, you ARE unloved. You ARE lied to. You ARE ignored.
You don't want to admit you've been played and you made a HUGE mistake!
He's NOT trying because all he has to do is threaten to leave and he knows you'll cave in.
Well done you.
No.
You should kick his sorry butt out.
The truth is what you don't want to face.
Am I right?
Yes, I am right.
You ARE making your life worse by avoiding the truth.
Worse than that, you failed to mention even one time how this drama is affecting your THREE CHILDREN.
Women who volunteer themselves for victimhood often drag little babies along for the ride.
*Here* is the original thread.
Originally Posted by PSWidow
I'm not married
Except, oopsie, she is still legally married "on paper".
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but am in a serious relationship with a man
A man who is also still legally married "on paper". Oopsie again.
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and we have a child together who is 7 months old.
Even a small-brained bird knows not to lay eggs before building a nest for the chicks.
Quote
I was previously married for 8 years, and have two children from that marriage.
Again, oopsie, still legally married to their daddy. Nicely done! Exemplary parenting example!
Quote
We divorced after many years of unhappiness, mostly related to him not paying any attention to, or spending any time with, me and my children, and also being unfaithful.
Learn the difference between "separated" and "divorced".
Quote
Now the same thing seems to be happening with this man.
This not yet divorced man (who has an out of wedlock-child) is cheating on his mistress ??? BIG SHOCKER !!!!
Again, exemplary parenting example!
Quote
The first few months together were the best I'd ever had.
Let's all pay attention to this.
The first few months of a fresh new relationship (between 2 not-yet-divorced people) almost always seems great. Why? Because it's still all courting/flirting/admiration/attention ..... without any of that nasty "real life" intruding on the feel-good-fantasy.
The first few months feel so great BECAUSE they are the first few months.
(adults are supposed to know this)
Quote
I really thought he was the one.
Remember this for future references.
It takes time to really know a person's character.
Quote
He adored me, and I adored him.
During the courting/flirting/admiration/attention phase ....
Quote
He promised he was different from all the other men I'd been with--that he was a man of his word, and I could trust him.
"He promised"!?!?
You based your life on his "promise"?
He's still a near stranger !!!!!
Quote
Then I went through a very painful miscarriage, and everything seemed to start falling apart.
I am sorry for your loss.
Quote
I got pregnant again shortly after, and it just seemed to make things worse.
"Real life" takes the *sparkle* out of the fantasy-romantic-not-yet-divorced courting relationship.
Your perfect (not yet divorced) man did not want real life, yanno?
Quote
He started getting a LOT of text messages from some girl that had seen him at the medical clinic, overheard his name, and searched him out on Facebook. (Even worse, this all happened the same day I was in the hospital for my miscarriage.) I kept seeing her name pop up on his phone, but his phone had a lock on it so I could never read the messages.
Your not yet divorced man wants to flirt/and have fun.
He's not wanting a baby-mama-drama.
Quote
I kept asking why this person was texting so much, and he said she was annoying, and he kept trying to get her to stop. I found his Facebook open one day and there was a message from her saying something like, "What the hell, I thought you were a nice guy, I feel so used, etc..."
You might have sympathy for this "girl". She fell for the same song & dance that you did.
She was told he was "all but divorced".
She was told she was "special".
She was told he'd treat her better than any other man ever has or ever would.
He's a player.
Quote
I was so upset, but not knowing for sure what happened, I left it alone. His FB was open a few more times, and I'd find messages to other girls here and there calling them "cutie" or telling them how gorgeous they were, and how with one of them he wished they could meet up one weekend a year and do nothing but have sex and order takeout.
A player.
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Many months later, I got a FB message from this medical clinic girl asking if I was still with him, because I should know that he cheated on me with her. He vehemently denied it, saying she was crazy and that she was angry that he wouldn't cheat on me and be with her, so she was trying to get him in trouble, and they had never even met face-to-face. He got mad that I wouldn't trust him, and didn't talk to me for a few days (whenever we fight, he always threatens to leave, and I always get the silent treatment. One reason I avoid conflict.) I didn't necessarily believe him, but decided that regardless of what happened, I wanted to stay with him and fix things, so I tried to move past it.
Players pick out easy targets who choose to ignore the obvious. (He's still married and cheating on you)
"Tried to move past it" .... is code for pretending the facts are different and do not really exist. (Like pretending both of you are not still legally married)
Quote
In the meantime, he started getting texts from a different girl constantly, but kept telling me I had nothing to worry about.
A player + a woman willing to ignore facts = disaster.
Quote
He was also constantly playing online poker, and was talking to several girls from there.
A player plays. BIG SHOCKER !
Quote
I had our baby, and things were good for a little while. He is an awesome father, and genuinely loves our little girl.
If you say so ........
However, an awesome father does not play the player and put his child's welfare at risk.
Quote
After a few months, he started getting really sucked into Playstation Home (basically like Second Life,) and I literally never see him anymore.
I guess being an awesome father got old and tiresome after a few months. Yes?
Your player was not "SUCKED IN".
He made conscious choices.
As do you, lady with 3 kids.
Quote
He doesn't spend any time with me or the kids,
What an awesome father-figure.
Quote
if he's not working, he's sleeping or on the PS3.
Players PLAY, girlfriend.
Time you learned this.
Quote
One night I walked into the room downstairs to find him basically having cybersex in PSHome with some woman.
Nothing surprising here.
What did you expect?
He's already shown his character to you.
You want a labrador retriever for a partner, but you bedded and made a baby with a wolf.
Quote
I got really upset, telling him he has a perfectly good woman right here who would sleep with him any time he wanted (our sex life used to be great, but has plummeted in the past year or so.)
Players target a certain type of reality-denying woman.
That would be YOU.
Quote
He says there has become a huge gap between us, and he's right, but how can we fix it if he won't make any time for me?
The huge gap is he wants to play around.
That is the nature of a wolf.
Quote
He said he was just doing that with this woman so she would let him download all her games, and there was nothing for me to worry about.
Any self respecting woman would have recognized this as total bullcrap and laughed in his face!
But, a reality-denying (not yet divorced) woman will twist his lies into something hopeful.
Quote
He said she was a 40 year old mother of five, and he had no interest in her. We didn't talk for a few days again, and he threatened to leave, again, and eventually decided to stay.
HE threatened to leave, and any self respecting woman would have kicked his butt out!
Quote
He said he still loves me and is still attracted to me, just that we need to repair this gap somehow.
A player + a reality-denying woman = disaster.
Quote
He says every time he tries, and we finally start to get closer, I do something to set us back again (like pressure him, or make "immature comments" when I'm mad.)
He's a player because he's a player. NOT because of "immature comments".
Don't be ridiculous!
Quote
He said he wants to try to be better for me.
*insert wolf howl here*
Quote
I've tried to back off, tried to not make snarky comments, tried to be the best girlfriend I can be.
Tried to ignore REALITY and his character flaws.
Quote
I even paid for us to fly across the country so his family could meet the baby and he could see his mom for the first time in years.
Oy-vey!
This means this awesome dad wolf/player has NO MONEY of his own to go visit his mom, right?
Denial is not just a river in Egypt!
Quote
I pay for everything around here.
Women who try to buy the love of their player/wolf romantic loser are just deaf/dumb/blind to reality.
Sad.
You forget to mention how all of this affects your THREE CHILDREN!
Quote
I look after the kids by myself, I cook, I clean, I do what I can, and he just sits down there playing games.
Your awesome dad not-yet-divorced man has it good, doesn't he?
Well done you!
You've trained him to treat you poorly.
Exceptionally well done!
Quote
I've asked him if he's still doing inappropriate things on PSHome, he says he's not--once again, I have "nothing to worry about."
Players play and lie about it.
Quote
But now he's getting tons and tons of texts from the same girl that I caught him with on PSHome that night.
No biggie.
You can deny this too if you put your mind to it!
Quote
This morning he got home from work (he works nights,) and his phone went off 4 times in an hour, and they were all from her. I looked in his computer history and found out her name. We're on the west coast of Canada, and she's on the east coast of the US, so I know there's no way he'll ever meet her, but it still bothers me so much. It's an emotional affair, and I just wonder what is so interesting about this woman that he can talk to her and not to me. I want to send her a FB message and tell her to leave him alone, but I know that's not constructive. I would confront him about it, but he'll just deny everything, get mad at me for not trusting him, and probably lie to me even more, and nothing will ever get solved.
Let's just "move past it" like you never saw it.
OK?
That's what volunteer victims do, yanno?
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All I want is to find a way to get back the closeness we used to have, but I don't know how, when he makes himself unavailable.
Excellent denial!
You go girl!
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I'm trying as hard as I can without pressuring him.
Because he will threaten to leave, right?
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I found out how to look at his iPhone texts by getting a file off his computer, but I haven't done it yet. Partly afraid of what I'll see, and partly don't want to invade his privacy even more.
EXCELLENT denial!
You go girl!
Quote
My ex-husband put a keylogger on my computer once, and even though there was nothing for him to see, I was really angry and felt really violated. I already feel guilty about the amount of snooping I've already done, but I just don't feel like I'll ever know what's happening unless I do. It was the only way I found out my ex was cheating, by looking in his phone and computer.
And, you really want to pretend this relationship has a future, don'cha?
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I know he's not sleeping with anyone else physically, because he honestly doesn't ever leave the house unless he's working, and he only just went back to work a couple weeks ago.
So now he's paying all the bills, right?
Right ....... like hell he is.
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Before that he was on parental leave, and spent about the past 6 months in the basement on the PS3, without showering for a week at a time. I know he's not physically cheating, at least not right now, but even online feels the same. If I confront him again, I know how it will play out. If I say nothing, I continue to feel this way--ignored, unloved, lied to.
But, you ARE unloved. You ARE lied to. You ARE ignored.
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love him so much--I still, for some reason, feel the exact same way about him as I did when we were first together, and I just want to repair this relationship and hopefully get there again.
You don't want to admit you've been played and you made a HUGE mistake!
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I don't know how. It feels like I'm the only one trying. I don't really know what I'm looking for here...but I just need to get this all out, and get some other people's viewpoints, I guess.
He's NOT trying because all he has to do is threaten to leave and he knows you'll cave in.
Well done you.
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And, should I snoop?
No.
You should kick his sorry butt out.
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It feels so wrong, but so does not knowing what is going on. And knowing I'll never get the truth unless I do.
The truth is what you don't want to face.
Am I right?
Yes, I am right.
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Sorry this is so long and rambly...it's hard to sort out my thoughts, and I just feel like I'm powerless to do anything about this situation without making it worse.
You ARE making your life worse by avoiding the truth.
Worse than that, you failed to mention even one time how this drama is affecting your THREE CHILDREN.
Women who volunteer themselves for victimhood often drag little babies along for the ride.
*Here* is the original thread.