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I could not pass up this opportunity to do some FEMALE wayward fog translation:
Except, oopsie, she is still legally married "on paper".but am in a serious relationship with a man
and we have a child together who is 7 months old. I was previously married for 8 years, and have two children from that marriage.  We divorced after many years of unhappiness, mostly related to him not paying any attention to, or spending any time with, me and my children, and also being unfaithful. Now the same thing seems to be happening with this man.
Again, exemplary parenting example! 
The first few months together were the best I'd ever had.
The first few months of a fresh new relationship (between 2 not-yet-divorced people) almost always seems great. Why? Because it's still all courting/flirting/admiration/attention ..... without any of that nasty "real life" intruding on the feel-good-fantasy.
The first few months feel so great BECAUSE they are the first few months.
(adults are supposed to know this)
I really thought he was the one.
It takes time to really know a person's character.
He adored me, and I adored him. He promised he was different from all the other men I'd been with--that he was a man of his word, and I could trust him.
You based your life on his "promise"?He's still a near stranger !!!!!  Then I went through a very painful miscarriage, and everything seemed to start falling apart. I got pregnant again shortly after, and it just seemed to make things worse.
Your perfect (not yet divorced) man did not want real life, yanno?
He started getting a LOT of text messages from some girl that had seen him at the medical clinic, overheard his name, and searched him out on Facebook. (Even worse, this all happened the same day I was in the hospital for my miscarriage.) I kept seeing her name pop up on his phone, but his phone had a lock on it so I could never read the messages.
He's not wanting a baby-mama-drama.I kept asking why this person was texting so much, and he said she was annoying, and he kept trying to get her to stop. I found his Facebook open one day and there was a message from her saying something like, "What the hell, I thought you were a nice guy, I feel so used, etc..."
She was told he was "all but divorced".
She was told she was "special".
She was told he'd treat her better than any other man ever has or ever would.
He's a player.I was so upset, but not knowing for sure what happened, I left it alone. His FB was open a few more times, and I'd find messages to other girls here and there calling them "cutie" or telling them how gorgeous they were, and how with one of them he wished they could meet up one weekend a year and do nothing but have sex and order takeout. Many months later, I got a FB message from this medical clinic girl asking if I was still with him, because I should know that he cheated on me with her. He vehemently denied it, saying she was crazy and that she was angry that he wouldn't cheat on me and be with her, so she was trying to get him in trouble, and they had never even met face-to-face. He got mad that I wouldn't trust him, and didn't talk to me for a few days (whenever we fight, he always threatens to leave, and I always get the silent treatment. One reason I avoid conflict.) I didn't necessarily believe him, but decided that regardless of what happened, I wanted to stay with him and fix things, so I tried to move past it.
"Tried to move past it" .... is code for pretending the facts are different and do not really exist. (Like pretending both of you are not still legally married)
In the meantime, he started getting texts from a different girl constantly, but kept telling me I had nothing to worry about. He was also constantly playing online poker, and was talking to several girls from there.  I had our baby, and things were good for a little while. He is an awesome father, and genuinely loves our little girl.
However, an awesome father does not play the player and put his child's welfare at risk.
After a few months, he started getting really sucked into Playstation Home (basically like Second Life,) and I literally never see him anymore.
Your player was not "SUCKED IN".
He made conscious choices.
As do you, lady with 3 kids.He doesn't spend any time with me or the kids, if he's not working, he's sleeping or on the PS3.
Time you learned this.One night I walked into the room downstairs to find him basically having cybersex in PSHome with some woman.
What did you expect?
He's already shown his character to you.
You want a labrador retriever for a partner, but you bedded and made a baby with a wolf.
I got really upset, telling him he has a perfectly good woman right here who would sleep with him any time he wanted (our sex life used to be great, but has plummeted in the past year or so.)
That would be YOU.He says there has become a huge gap between us, and he's right, but how can we fix it if he won't make any time for me?
That is the nature of a wolf.
He said he was just doing that with this woman so she would let him download all her games, and there was nothing for me to worry about.  Any self respecting woman would have recognized this as total bullcrap and laughed in his face!
But, a reality-denying (not yet divorced) woman will twist his lies into something hopeful.
He said she was a 40 year old mother of five, and he had no interest in her. We didn't talk for a few days again, and he threatened to leave, again, and eventually decided to stay. He said he still loves me and is still attracted to me, just that we need to repair this gap somehow.
He says every time he tries, and we finally start to get closer, I do something to set us back again (like pressure him, or make "immature comments" when I'm mad.)
Don't be ridiculous!
He said he wants to try to be better for me. I've tried to back off, tried to not make snarky comments, tried to be the best girlfriend I can be. I even paid for us to fly across the country so his family could meet the baby and he could see his mom for the first time in years. 
This means this awesome dad wolf/player has NO MONEY of his own to go visit his mom, right?
Denial is not just a river in Egypt!
I pay for everything around here.
Sad.
You forget to mention how all of this affects your THREE CHILDREN! I look after the kids by myself, I cook, I clean, I do what I can, and he just sits down there playing games.
Well done you!
You've trained him to treat you poorly.
Exceptionally well done! I've asked him if he's still doing inappropriate things on PSHome, he says he's not--once again, I have "nothing to worry about." But now he's getting tons and tons of texts from the same girl that I caught him with on PSHome that night.
You can deny this too if you put your mind to it!
This morning he got home from work (he works nights,) and his phone went off 4 times in an hour, and they were all from her. I looked in his computer history and found out her name. We're on the west coast of Canada, and she's on the east coast of the US, so I know there's no way he'll ever meet her, but it still bothers me so much. It's an emotional affair, and I just wonder what is so interesting about this woman that he can talk to her and not to me. I want to send her a FB message and tell her to leave him alone, but I know that's not constructive. I would confront him about it, but he'll just deny everything, get mad at me for not trusting him, and probably lie to me even more, and nothing will ever get solved.
OK?
That's what volunteer victims do, yanno? All I want is to find a way to get back the closeness we used to have, but I don't know how, when he makes himself unavailable.
You go girl! 
I'm trying as hard as I can without pressuring him.
I found out how to look at his iPhone texts by getting a file off his computer, but I haven't done it yet. Partly afraid of what I'll see, and partly don't want to invade his privacy even more.
You go girl!
My ex-husband put a keylogger on my computer once, and even though there was nothing for him to see, I was really angry and felt really violated. I already feel guilty about the amount of snooping I've already done, but I just don't feel like I'll ever know what's happening unless I do. It was the only way I found out my ex was cheating, by looking in his phone and computer.
I know he's not sleeping with anyone else physically, because he honestly doesn't ever leave the house unless he's working, and he only just went back to work a couple weeks ago.
Right ....... like hell he is.
Before that he was on parental leave, and spent about the past 6 months in the basement on the PS3, without showering for a week at a time. I know he's not physically cheating, at least not right now, but even online feels the same. If I confront him again, I know how it will play out. If I say nothing, I continue to feel this way--ignored, unloved, lied to. love him so much--I still, for some reason, feel the exact same way about him as I did when we were first together, and I just want to repair this relationship and hopefully get there again. I don't know how. It feels like I'm the only one trying. I don't really know what I'm looking for here...but I just need to get this all out, and get some other people's viewpoints, I guess.
Well done you. No.
You should kick his sorry butt out. It feels so wrong, but so does not knowing what is going on. And knowing I'll never get the truth unless I do.
Am I right?
Yes, I am right.
Sorry this is so long and rambly...it's hard to sort out my thoughts, and I just feel like I'm powerless to do anything about this situation without making it worse.
Worse than that, you failed to mention even one time how this drama is affecting your THREE CHILDREN.
Women who volunteer themselves for victimhood often drag little babies along for the ride.  *Here* is the original thread.
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One wonders if our OP did any research into having a child born within a marriage, but with another male.
OP has not quite figured this out yet, but since she desires a "different" kind of guy, the one who will treat her with love and respect, I will offer some sage advice:
THEY DON'T DATE WOMEN WHO ARE STILL MARRIED, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK YOUR 'TECHNICALITY' DOESN'T MATTER. THEY RUN FOR THE HILLS.
Any good potential partner with half-a-brain knows not to date a woman who is still married. So how on earth do you expect to attract a man with a good head on his shoulders?
You will only attract:
- Men who do not value marriage
- Men who do not value commitment
- Men who do not value vows
- Men who have little investment in you
- Men who do not actually respect you as a real partner
And your booby prize fits the bill, sorry.
You must fix yourself first if you ever want to get out of this endless cycle.
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And, true to form as a volunteer-victim-reality-denier ..... Here was her final response to the MB forum reality-wake-up-call responses ....
I'm done with this. Thanks for nothing.
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*LINK* to the male version of wayward fog disassembled and decoded.
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You are so very good at deciphering fogbabble, PB  Worse than that, you failed to mention even one time how this drama is affecting your THREE CHILDREN. Women who volunteer themselves for victimhood often drag little babies along for the ride. Common theme of waywards. No mention of what's best for the kids. Makes my blood boil...
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No mention of what's best for the kids. The stronger and more encompassing the denial, the more the kid's needs/feelings are overlooked. "I am no longer married" <~~~ denial of reality "My boyfriend is no longer married" <~~~ denial of reality "This is a healthy relationship" <~~~ denial of reality "If I act differently my boyfriend will" (pick one) A. stop cheating B. stop playing video games incessantly C. pay some bills D. pay attention to the kids "If I am happy, my kids will be happy" <~~~ The universal adultery/wayward denial of reality. If she pretends the facts are different than they are, she remains the victim .... which is her goal anyway.  The kids are so FAR OFF her radar, she never mentions their wellbeing. Why? Because she can DENY the FACT that their lives are being ruined by HER choices. Just like any addict. It's not her fault.  A man could take a piss on her shoes and tell her it's raining, and she'd go get an umbrella.
That's how powerful her denial of reality is. Her children's needs must be denied in order for her to continue placing herself as the victim.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!
Pep... it's simple!
If ya want your man off the games offer a better alternative!
"Why don't you get off that Xbox, and come get on THIS!"
That's one thing that can be fixed quite easily.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!
Pep... it's simple!
If ya want your man off the games offer a better alternative!
"Why don't you get off that Xbox, and come get on THIS!"
That's one thing that can be fixed quite easily. Uh-huh. And, what if she wants this so-called-man to pay some bills? "Pay the bills and come get on this." You silly.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!
Pep... it's simple!
If ya want your man off the games offer a better alternative!
"Why don't you get off that Xbox, and come get on THIS!"
That's one thing that can be fixed quite easily. Uh-huh. And, what if she wants this so-called-man to pay some bills? "Pay the bills and come get on this." You silly. Look, Pep... I'm not promising MIRACLES... just getting the man off the Xbox... Though, that may not always work... ***edit***
Last edited by McLovin; 04/29/12 06:11 PM. Reason: Inappropriate/profane
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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... just getting the man off the Xbox... LOL Then, he can play with his "box" the remaining 1,430 minutes of that day. You extra silly today. 
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Her children thank her for nothing.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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You extra silly today. Just today? I agree Neak... and honestly, I worry less for young children and more for teenagers. Why? Because teen years are in critical need of guidance. Without at least ONE grounded parent, they are bound to get tied up in all sorts of trouble that will affect their lives for years to follow...
Last edited by HoldHerHand; 04/27/12 02:28 PM.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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I just had to email this thread to myself. It will help keep me grounded ...
So in love with MB ... thank you for Plan B and the opportunity to never be like this woman.
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Wait - where did email option go?
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Email post is in the bottom right of every post.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I think Firefox is playing tricks on me because I didn't see it a while ago. Maybe I have a bug or something ...
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I think Firefox is playing tricks on me because I didn't see it a while ago. Maybe I have a bug or something ... No, I saw it as well (or should I say didn't see it) once you pointed it out, just didn't think that much about since I've never used it. I think it was just a momentary board glitch, so you're not going crazy and neither is your computer.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Don't want you thinking you're seeing things! (or NOT seeing them!) I was alerted to the post & fixed it!
JustUss
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Another classic FEMALE foggy post. Ripe for translation.
I felt hard and in love with this man, and he did for me too, so he made me believe this. Other people can MAKE ME believe things. Therefore, it's not my fault if I misbehave.The affair started in March 2008, and at first we both agreed that we were not to fall in love, sooner than later this would end. It didn't. He made me fall in love, remember? It's not my fault.We fell in love and when my mother found out, she had several talks with me, because it was so obvious, I began to isolate myself from everyone including my own children. I loved OM so much I was willing to sacrifice my children's welfare.I tried to end the affair several times and he would always convince me to stay and fight for our love, he would tell me "I cannot believe you are giving up on this love!", and like an idiot I fell for this. It's not my fault. It's OM's fault.We decided we wanted to have a child and we would eventually leave our partners and be together. I decided to ignore my living children and make a new baby to hold onto a man who is willing to lie to and cheat on his wife. I made this decision because OM talked me into it. Clearly, not my fault.
Then his wife saw a text message from me and called me to confront me, and I denied the affair... How DARE his wife confront me! Who does she think she is? She's married to the man I love and needs to be lied to for that very reason.another year went by and she found some marks on him from me, he denied they were mine I left those marks on him to make sure his wife knew she was in competition with a sexual tigress. Grrrrrr. Stay away from "my man" you stupid wife!he took his wife to a retreat and texted me all weekend to let me know he loved me and didn't want to lose me he just did it to make her feel better. And, I believed him.  Doh! Then, she called me and put him on the phone, he asked that we all meet, so she could see for herself that we were only friends, I was perfectly OK with lying to her face. That's how I roll (downhill).this prove to me the coward he was...and we were both already trying to have a baby and planning to leave our partners, after this I decided I did not want to have a baby anymore with him, because he would never be there for me or our child. OM is a coward because he refuses to leave his wife for me, a woman who is his equal when it comes to cheating & lying. I guess I am better at cheating & lying than OM, because his wife found out, my BH is still in the dark.It was too late, I found out a couple weeks later I was pregnant. Mission accomplished. Baby anchor in place! Patting myself on the back.I wanted to have an abortion and keep my family because he would tell me it was best for everyone, I was going to hurt my children, my husband and he wasn't ready. I was devastated! Baby anchor - FAIL !!! WTH? I made a baby to hold onto this cheater, now he wants to dump me for his wife? The nerve! 
I couldn't talk to anyone about all of this...finally I broke down in tears and confessed to my mom and sister. I was just soooooo sad that my lying/cheating/immoral married boyfriend dumped me for his wife! HIS WIFE who has no real claim on his love. That biotch!  They gave me the strenghth to decide and go thru the pregnancy I decided not to kill my baby just in case my lying/cheating/immoral married boyfriend might change his mind and leave his stupid wife for me, his soulmate/schmoopie.
I decided to make my husband believe he was the father, I slept with him as soon as I found out and I would still have sex with him from time to time, but I knew from the beginning it was not his because I did not have sex with him at all during the time my OC was conceived. I can lie all day long. It's not my fault. It's now OM's stupid wife's fault.The OM decided to embrace this child and wanted to be a part of his life, but of course he wanted to keep his family intact and wanted me to keep the secret, and see the baby. I did I can make the dumbest choices, because other people can talk me out of my panties, out of my morals, and into the pit of hell. It's not my fault.
I loved him so much But, I hate his stoopid wife. She's ruined everything with her so-called devotion and fidelity. Dumb wife. I hate her.and yet I did not want to hurt my husband and leave him when he needed me the most So, I decided to lie to my husband, and deceive him, and humiliate him ..... I don't mind doing that, at all....at the same time I was being hurt And, I want to interject that MY pain matters, and no one else's. Not my husband's pain. Not my children's' pain. Not OM's pain. And certainly NOT the betrayed wife's pain. She is not even human as far as I am concerned.because I was allowing OM to use me I even volunteered the exclusive use of my uterus.and I was dragging at this point our son. Our son was born in May 2010 Please, do not misinterpret my lack of mentioning any remorse at this point as a sign I am uncaring. I care a LOT .... about myself. 
I went along with this affair It's not my fault.the relationship went from love to a love-hate sort of relationship Me hating everyone but myself.I was always telling him what a coward he was Meanwhile, I continued to hide behind lies to my husband. I am not a coward. I am proud to be a BRAVE liar.
...you name it, I insulted him, I was angry at him for putting me in this situation Because I certainly did not make this choice. What I wanted was for OM to leave his wife once I got knocked up. That damned wife!
I asked and begged him to leave me and he said he couldn't because of our son. I have no control over this situation. I beg and he overrules. What can I do. I am powerless. It's NOT my fault.When our son turned 1, his wife found my number again, and he told her to call me thinking I would deny the affair, I didn't, I told her everything and at his point more than three years had passed by since our affair began, this happened July 2011. I was convinced his stupid wife would leave his sorryass right then and there. Then, I'd have OM and the baby anchor, just as I'd planned all along.A week later she went back home with him WTH? What is wrong with her? Why can't she take a hint and turn her husband over to his rightful owner, ME ME ME !!!
I was furious My baby anchor failed, AGAIN!because knowing him he probably denied everything and being the talker he was he had convinced her and denied our son! He's such a good liar. But, not as good a liar as I am! My husband is still clueless. Notice how much I have not mentioned my husband or the children of the marriage? I am a great Mom, by the way.  I texted her pictures of him with the baby Because I still want that liar/cheat/skunk for my own!and she left him for good Thanks to me! Patting myself on the back!and so did I...he came back to me, and I felt back again, since she left him, he couldn't support himself Oh, crap. Now what? Liar/cheat AND freeloader? I helped him with work projects But, I did not help my children with school projects.I helped him financially I used money intended for my family/home/children to entice OM to stay connected to me.he has never paid child support But, that's the evil wife's fault. Like everything else.and he would buy the baby from time to time a few things here and there But he was not supporting his other children. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NOT exactly a proud moment for feminism.
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Anytime I read about husbands being tricked into believing the OC is theirs it makes me cringe.
Great translation, Pep!
BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011
Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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