Trying to recover from a drunk night of infidelity - 03/14/13 06:17 PM
Two weeks ago, my wife of 3 years went out to a party at one of our friend's houses. I unfortunately had a ton of work to do and so was unable to join her that night. She ended up drinking quite a bit as did one of our mutual friends and they ended up making out and engaging in some hand play that night.
One week later she told me about it. Part of the reason for this was that I had told her in the past that I had a zero tolerance policy for this and so she had to build up the courage because in her mind she was thinking that this would mean that I would probably leave her.
We talked about what happened and also about some of the issues we've been having for the past few months. The primary issue being that due to a lot of things going on, I had been neglecting her for quite some time and she was getting a little unhappy. After reflecting on this for a little bit I decided that even though I was crushed and dissapointed I still loved her and wanted to repair our marriage. She said that she completely agreed.
Since then I have taken the initiative and worked to fix some of the issues on my end that resulted in her feeling neglected (e.g., spending more time with her, listening to her). On the surface it seems that things have steadily been improving. However, it seems like she still has some guilt about what happened and while she works that out there still seems to be some distance between us.
What I am wondering is if it is possible that I am overcompensating so much in improving my previous behavior that I might be smothering her. I'm also desperate to get closer to her (e.g., physically) but am worried that pressing too much might be worse. Or is it a normal thing for her to require some time in order to get past the guilt and any other issues (e.g., she had mentally had to prepare for the thought of me leaving her before telling me)?
Thanks for any advice.
One week later she told me about it. Part of the reason for this was that I had told her in the past that I had a zero tolerance policy for this and so she had to build up the courage because in her mind she was thinking that this would mean that I would probably leave her.
We talked about what happened and also about some of the issues we've been having for the past few months. The primary issue being that due to a lot of things going on, I had been neglecting her for quite some time and she was getting a little unhappy. After reflecting on this for a little bit I decided that even though I was crushed and dissapointed I still loved her and wanted to repair our marriage. She said that she completely agreed.
Since then I have taken the initiative and worked to fix some of the issues on my end that resulted in her feeling neglected (e.g., spending more time with her, listening to her). On the surface it seems that things have steadily been improving. However, it seems like she still has some guilt about what happened and while she works that out there still seems to be some distance between us.
What I am wondering is if it is possible that I am overcompensating so much in improving my previous behavior that I might be smothering her. I'm also desperate to get closer to her (e.g., physically) but am worried that pressing too much might be worse. Or is it a normal thing for her to require some time in order to get past the guilt and any other issues (e.g., she had mentally had to prepare for the thought of me leaving her before telling me)?
Thanks for any advice.