setting boundaries - 10/12/20 01:06 PM
I discovered my husbands 3 year affair with my sister 8 months ago. We tried counseling and at first he promised me he wouldn't have contact with her. He since continues to text or call her regularly and hired her back to work. He said it was just temporary. My counselor said that's crossing the lines of boundaries that should happen out of respect and love if we want to continue rebuilding our marriage. I have a feeling he's just staying in it to hide because no one knows, except a few close friends of mine. This is so painful, and awkward at the same time. I chose to forgive them both and yet when he hired her back, it was like a slap in the face. He really doesn't think he's in the wrong and when I bring it up he gets really mad. My sister also told me to fly a kite because I asked her why she came back to work for him again when she knows how much I didn't want that. She is married with 2 adult children, and I have 2 adult children, none of whom know. I think if I exposed the affair I would devastate our small family who used to be so close. I ask myself all the time, would it be worth it to trade my sorrow for theirs? All I want him and her to do is STOP having a friendship beyond what has to be maintained as we would still see each other at family functions. He says he loves me, but I take it with a grain of salt. He never stopped saying that to me during the affair, so why should I believe him now? He's not abusive. I know he's convicted, but he's also very proud and said he'd leave if I told anyone. My counselor said let him leave, but again, my kids would be devastated probably more than I was. Maybe I just need the encouragement of others of you out there who are choosing to stick it out and see what God will do with it.