Most marriages do not have the tools to continue with romantic love. You cannot deny there is some form of love there even if it isn't romantic.
MB
provides those tools.
And yes, some form of love exists; "mature love."
I was very naive concerning romantic and mature love. Before I came here I assumed all marriages were supposed to be like this. I believed commitment was stronger than love. I didn't think I had to do certain things my husband wanted. I thought sacrifice was key.
Several different "marriage experts" and psychologists are on the exact same page as Dr. Harley on this; sacrifice is a destructive force in marriage.
I've read several articles on this lately, with telling titles;
"Cooperation, not compromise, builds relationships"
"How being entitled to our way - gets in our way"
Most of us mistook lifestyle sacrifice, for sacrifice of happiness - or the meeting of our needs - as the one that marriage took. We intermingled wants and needs, and figured that going without a big-screen TV was equivelant to going without admiration from our spouse.
It was honest, faulty logic.
Now with MB we know romantic love can be part of the marriage forever when meeting ENs.
... and
eliminating Love-Busters.
I don't believe we are talking about creating mature love here. We are discussing how infidelity happens because of romantic love, and how important it is for the BS to understand this when entrenched in this nightmare.
Here's the thing. Infidelity doesn't occur because of romantic love. Romantic love with someone other than your spouse occurs
with infidelity. It is a correlation relationship, not a cause-and-effect relationship.
Allowing someone other than your spouse to meet your needs - especially your intimate needs -
is infidelity. This is true
even if neither physical contact or romantic love occurs.
So, again; romantic love is not the
cause of infidelity, it is the
result of it.
Romantic love with someone other than your spouse cannot occur if you do not allow them to meet your needs. This is prevented with proper boundaries, or extraordinary precautions.