I tried. I'm tired, I'm going to PLAN "B". Am I wrong? NEED imput soon!! - 11/27/99 07:44 AM
HI Friends,<BR> My W and I have a good stretch of 4-5 days and now of course we are back to square one!! Everytime we get close satan pulls something out of his bag of tricks. I know this is long please try and be patient. I need you guys!! THANKS<P><BR>Friday I was out but W called and left a message<BR>thanking me AGAIN for being there for her family and how she felt she should<BR>have been there more for MY mother when my Father passed away.<BR> Then W tells me WHERE she is working that night!! W has been keeping that<BR>from me for a month since I told her I went to her work with flowers and she<BR>wasn't there. I took it as a sign W wanted me to come up.<P>So I drove up at 2am (she was on 11-7am ) And brought W a rose and a<BR>little stuffed animal with a little significance to us.<BR> W was very glad to see me and said it was sweet. We went into the other<BR>room to talk. I gave her a card I've had that said she was God's greatest<BR>gift to me. And I wrote "Please be my Wife" I love you everyday, I miss<BR>you everyday"<BR> W was all sweet so I "pushed" a little harder. I said "Baby, please come<BR>home" W said "I'm not ready to come home" (the last few times W said I'M<BR>NEVER GOING BACK TO YOUR PLACE I HATE IT THERE")<P> I asked her to help me fight for our marriage. I said I couldn't fight<BR>alone anymore. I was tired. I told her she shouldn't buy the house with OM<BR>and that she knew we would get back together and that it was TOO much of a<BR>commitment to make to another man. W said " What am I supposed to do?"<BR>"I'm not ready to come home and I need a place to live" I told her if she<BR>left OM and we worked on our marriage that I would pay for an apartment for<BR>her" W said "Why are you pushing me so hard all of a sudden"? I told her<BR>time was running out and she shouldn't make that kind of commitment.<P> We talked and talked and cried and at the end W hugged me and said "I'm<BR>not saying I'm coming home (long pause) but I'm not saying I'm not anymore"<BR>"But I'm not doing ANYTHING until I get counseling".<P> The next day I got a call from my SIL that my FIL was VERY BAD and she<BR>couldn't get in touch with W. I should call her and our kids and get there<BR>right away. I went to OM office because they had moved (AGAIN) and demanded<BR>he stop screwing around and tell me where my W was.<P> W was asleep in sleazy motel room they are in now and I hurried her down to<BR>her fathers. He had been gone when my SIL called but she didn't want to<BR>tell us because of the long drive. After the body was taken out I took my<BR>W to the mall to buy her some clothes so she could stay until Tuesday for<BR>the memorial service.<P> I left and went back Monday and stayed until Wednesday with my W. It was<BR>bitter sweet. All the family was there and W and I slept in the spare room<BR>(me on the floor cause there was a single bed) I stroked her arm until she<BR>slept. The second night after the memorial service. I climbed on the bed<BR>with her and stroked her hair and neck for an hour because she felt<BR>nauseous. I ALMOST got to sleep there but W woke up and said she needed<BR>to sleep on her back. I had a minor LB because I was hurt. We went back to<BR>sweet in the morning.<P> The next morning I was up before her and was talking to my BIL who<BR>remarried her S. MY SIL was a betrayer and he was telling me to take it<BR>slow because I was mad after the "floor incident" W asked what we were<BR>talking about I told her he had changed and was really trying now. W asked<BR>me questions ALL the way home about her sisters affair and they're recovery.<BR>I got to sneak in a few "stats" on affairs and the hurt and guilt the<BR>betrayer feels. Even related a couple of times to US. W stopped me from<BR>that after a while and said "Just tell me about them"<BR> Anyway, the "feeling between us was really good and we got closer than<BR>ever. W even "fixed" my ingrown toenails for me. Life was GOOD!!!<P> THEN yesterday and TODAY.....<BR> W never called on Thanksgiving (W spent it with OM instead of her<BR>Mother!!) because as SOON as W got back. OM told her that his friend had<BR>called and told him that me and his W had been talking to each other. I<BR>know it was a bad move and I warned her NOT to tell ANYONE we were talking<BR>and she did. So I called my W today and W said she was pissed at me, she<BR>knew we had been talking and what the hell was I trying to do?<P> I told her I'd meet her and talk. She was MAD!! I told her that the OM's<BR>W had called me a few times crying that she was lost and hurt. (W said<BR>"It's not my problem!!" ) I told her I just couldn't tell her not to call.<BR>I told her she was a very nice woman who is 58 yrs old, and scared she will<BR>be alone forever now. Not her problem...<BR> I asked her if she was going to come home (Bad timing!!!) W said "No I'm<BR>NOT coming home" W then said she was mad and I should let her go because<BR>she might say something she would regret later. I asked why she wouldn't<BR>come home. W said "I want my freedom and I haven't even been to counseling<BR>yet!!" I told her again about how I felt about THEM buying the house and<BR>offered to pay for an apartment again. W said nothing. I asked her to<BR>tell me the truth and was this a "romantic" affair. W said "No, I love him<BR>but he is just my friend, my BEST friend" W said she was feeling trapped<BR>so I told her to go BUT we needed to talk again soon. W said "Fine but<BR>PLEASE let me go now" I asked when she said "I DON'T KNOW"<BR> I'm tied, I'm going to plan "B" (see note below) Everytime we<BR>get close, satan pulls something out of his bag of tricks. Oh well, I<BR>tried. I tried. LMK what you think. THANKS FRANK<P><BR>My W'S NAME,<BR> I apologize to you for my part in creating the environment that helped<BR>make your affair with OM possible. Although I've ALWAYS loved you with my<BR>heart and soul, I made you feel that EVERYTHING was more important to me<BR>than you. It never was the case, but that is how I made you feel and for<BR>that W I am sorry. I also never understood how much having a home meant to<BR>you. I guess I never understood what a home was until you left. A place<BR>where the grandchildren are safe. I know, I understand now.<P> I said and did many things in anger that I never meant. I know I hurt<BR>you. But believe me, whenever you hurt so do I. I wish I never did them,<BR>but what can I do now. If I had known what I know now, it never would have<BR>happened. I would hurt back when I was hurt. I have learned this is wrong<BR>and through the counseling I am getting, have learned to stop it. I have<BR>also learned not to internalize things so much. This is still hard for me<BR>but I am trying.<P> I foolishly pursued my business AND a job AND my hobbies at the same time<BR>without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important<BR>emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most and we<BR>are now both suffering for my mistake. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I<BR>have made in the past and create a NEW life for us that will meet your<BR>needs. I truly believe that it is possible with what I have learned. But I<BR>cannot do that until you end your relationship with OM once and for all.<P> Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be<BR>able to help you financially. I have made arrangements with our friend Dave<BR>Home (617) 999-9999 cell (817) 888-9999 Office (800) 777-7777 if there<BR>is a family emergency, or something we need to communicate about our S or D<BR>or any other matter, it will have to be done through Dave. If you visit<BR>them, I will not be there.<P> I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way.<BR>You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your<BR>relationship with OM I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing you<BR>with are living with him. As I told you Friday night, I can't fight for our<BR>marriage alone anymore. I am weary. I still love you, and I will still<BR>pray for you, but I cannot see you under these conditions any longer<P> W, I have felt this way for some time but couldn't bring myself to tell<BR>you while your Father was dying. I wanted to be there to help you and the<BR>Family as you did for me when my Father was dying. I loved your Father and<BR>also needed to be with him. I didn't want any "uncomfortable" times between<BR>us to add stress to your Mother to you or anyone else in the family.<BR> As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OM, I will be<BR>willing to talk about our future, and the future of our family.<BR> I want to be able to rebuild our Marriage someday. I want us to be able<BR>to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt<BR>each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do<BR>makes us both happy. Then, there will never be a need for us to separate or<BR>to have "friends" other than each other again. I want to be your best<BR>friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you<BR>as my best friend.<P> I have spent my whole life loving you W. The first 30 years I spent<BR>looking for you and the last 14 + as your Husband. I loved you when God<BR>first brought us together as I love you right up to this day. I just cannot<BR>be with you or help you anymore as long as you are seeing OM. Now our<BR>Marriage is in God's hands.<P>With all my love FRANK<BR>OM,<BR> I love my Wife Harriet with all my heart and soul and will do whatever it<BR>takes to make her happy. I will wait for her to give me that chance.<P><P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>