Moving - 02/14/06 06:11 PM
[color:"green"]Hi all,
I'm not always comfortable with saying something directly when it involves my emotions so I need some advice.
BF talks about how lonely he is when he walks into his empty house. He talks about getting things for his house in a way that lets me know that the things are mobile and would move to another house. He talks about moving to be with me.
He is a person that does not let go of things, and often says that he does not know if he would have the energy or the desire to recreate the special features of his house. I know that he loves his home and that it is special, but I so feel that the way he talks is a mixed message.
in other words:
"I love you, I want to be with you forever, I want to live with you, I can't bear to leave my house, I have no immediate plans to marry".
I feel very torn and unsettled when he makes statements about permanency or moving because I "know" that he is not going to move - at least not anytime soon.
How do I communicate to him that I don't especially want to talk about these future plans because they are vague and there is no time set forth. Is anyone but me uncomfortable with the notion of talking about some nebulous future without any real plan of how it would take place?
He also talks about "his" place as if it were "our" place. As in "I was thinking about solar panels to heat "our" pool and they would be portable so that we could move them to another pool."
I think after almost two years that I'm just getting tired of dating. Juggling a career, a house, three kids, and a boyfriend is draining.
What I really want to tell him is that if you feel so lonely why don't you do something about it? Make up your mind to make our relationship more permanent, sell your house, find a new house with me? I'm tired of listening to you whine about how lonely you are when your decisions are what's driving that loneliness.
I've been very tempted just to grandstand. Tell him that I am tired of dating and don't want to see him for a while until I get my own life back on track. That running around with him so much I've neglected my house and my kids and they really need to be more of a priority for me right now than he does.
Putting it like that sounds very demanding and controlling though.
Sigh.
V.[/color]
I'm not always comfortable with saying something directly when it involves my emotions so I need some advice.
BF talks about how lonely he is when he walks into his empty house. He talks about getting things for his house in a way that lets me know that the things are mobile and would move to another house. He talks about moving to be with me.
He is a person that does not let go of things, and often says that he does not know if he would have the energy or the desire to recreate the special features of his house. I know that he loves his home and that it is special, but I so feel that the way he talks is a mixed message.
in other words:
"I love you, I want to be with you forever, I want to live with you, I can't bear to leave my house, I have no immediate plans to marry".
I feel very torn and unsettled when he makes statements about permanency or moving because I "know" that he is not going to move - at least not anytime soon.
How do I communicate to him that I don't especially want to talk about these future plans because they are vague and there is no time set forth. Is anyone but me uncomfortable with the notion of talking about some nebulous future without any real plan of how it would take place?
He also talks about "his" place as if it were "our" place. As in "I was thinking about solar panels to heat "our" pool and they would be portable so that we could move them to another pool."
I think after almost two years that I'm just getting tired of dating. Juggling a career, a house, three kids, and a boyfriend is draining.
What I really want to tell him is that if you feel so lonely why don't you do something about it? Make up your mind to make our relationship more permanent, sell your house, find a new house with me? I'm tired of listening to you whine about how lonely you are when your decisions are what's driving that loneliness.
I've been very tempted just to grandstand. Tell him that I am tired of dating and don't want to see him for a while until I get my own life back on track. That running around with him so much I've neglected my house and my kids and they really need to be more of a priority for me right now than he does.
Putting it like that sounds very demanding and controlling though.
Sigh.
V.[/color]