Just a vent.
I have to waste a day in court on Friday because X filed a court motion to make me his chauffer.
I decided to respond to that motion Pro Se (without an attorney) which I thought would be easier, but I just learned it means that I actually have to show up for court on Friday. And then, I have to wonder if X and his attorney will show up on Friday for Oral Arguments.

Everything needs to be nailed down tight in divorce agreements. Attached to our agreement is the psychological evaluation for custody, which the courts accepted in its entirety. This document says X will drive the kids to school after his overnights, and also tells me the limits of where I could move. I've abided by this document, and moved 25 miles away where I found an affordable house.

Now, X's new attorney says that the evaluation was only a suggestion and not a part of the decree and that this is a valid motion. So 6 mornings a month, X wants me to drive to his house and pick up the kids to drive them to school.
It must be nice to not feel responsible for your children.
I really appreciate those 6 mornings a month when I don't have to race around with the backpacks and lunchboxes and such, and have a relaxing morning with just me and the dog. This was addressed in mediation last fall, but X doesn't compromise and unless I agreed to do all the driving, he refused to consider anything else.

I am tired of X wasting my time and energy while he continues to do things outside the best interest of the kids. The X and GF are back on the psycho food issues and the kids come home so confused about what they can and cannot eat. (apparently my peanut butter is bad). X & GF threw out the kids Trident gum because it had artificial flavors.

There are always good suggestions which would work for normal X's. Has anyone noticed that most of us on the board have very abnormal X's?

Newly,

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I believe I can see the frustration.

I'm sure our ex'es are saying similar things about us, FWIW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I will be thinking of you Friday Newly.

It sounds to me like x is trying to punish you for moving 25mi away.
He doesn't get the fact, that he changed your lifestyle and you were forced to move where you could afford a home for yourself and your children.

He sounds like a real piece of work and I'm sorry for what you are going thru.

As far as abnormal x's, they seem to be in abundance.
I think I used to make excuses for mine, and now I see things so differently. In all, I'm fortunate, but he does have a way of getting to my core at times.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

K!

I drafted a 9 page response to the motion and had a 2 inch stack of followup information.

25 miles in my area isn't alot, but X fails to acknowledge that his refusal to close on his purchase of the marital home impacted my house choices. I included in the package the contract for sale, home inspection report and mortgage committment for the home I planned to buy only 12 miles from him. It fell through because the seller backed out, and I was devastated at the time, but God had a better plan for me.

It's just continued stuff. I feel indifferent toward him. He remains hateful toward me. And he lied in his two certifications that he drives the kids to school now - his mother actually does it.

The kids see his animosity. They get it.

EE, I know we don't always see eye to eye, esp on the financial stuff. Thank you for your response.

K, it's just the continued stuff that is annoying to me. Why he continues to fight, and threatens me with getting more custody then not taking the kids more as it is.
It takes too much energy - which is also why I'm not dating lately.

sorry for your situation. I feel your pain.my xh and his mistress wifey like to sometimes try to override me also...it's the ole them vs. you bit. sad but true.

just stick to the facts only.

their actions concerning foods is ludicrous.

get any food allergies or health considerations documented FROM THEIR PEDIATRICIAN...let the XWS take that to court huh? I'd sure like to see him try.

YES!

If the eval was attached to the final decree, then it is a binding attachment. It should be noted so in the body of the decree itself.

The potential issue of either of you moving a far distance from the other was foreseen during negotiations. Hence the boundry. The boundry was not an issue before so he will have to have a very valid reason to alter the agreement now. Stick to your guns.

What hardship is he claiming?...his mom doesn't want to drive the kids to school anymore?

I know lawyers are expensive but, it's probably not too late to get one involved. School is just about over for the summer, perhaps you could even get the case held over for a while. I don't think the court will deny your right to an attorney, even if you chose not to secure one at first. Especially since he is coming armed with his own. Good luck.

Thanks BA, that makes me feel better. It is attached and referred to. And I'm in the same county, just at a different end.

I chose to go Pro Se because I'm tired of spending time and energy on X's rampages. I think this motion is ludicrous and a waste of the court's time. I checked with my lawyer first and he said can't couldn't tell how it would go, so do what I felt. (During the divorce, he told me I drafted good letters and I saved alot by emailing him letters which he would translate into legalese).

I met X's new lawyer when I dropped off the papers at his office. He spent 1/2 hour explaining the process to me. He's an ethical lawyer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> per the mediator we used. X, however, is not ethical and even lied to this lawyer. I will be fine by myself. I meet with CEOs of multibillion $ companies for work, I hope a judge won't be as intimidating.

X'S MOTION IS DENIED!

They did fax the response. I still have to wait to
see if he'll go to oral arguments tomorrow (if so I
must go to court).
yeah.

WELL, he's decided he wants to go to oral arguments. So, off to court tomorrow morning, where he'll look stupid.

Let us know how it goes. I'm sure you'll do a great presentation in court. You seem to be type of person who is articulate and thoughtful. Just try not to roll your eyes, since his case is so weak!

Thinking of you today Newly.

K!

OK, I'm sure I rolled my eyes. (How do you know me so well?)
X didn't show up, just his lawyer. X was too busy at work to come. (My guess is that X would look like a complete idiot so the lawyer probably asked him not to come).

I was so excited yesterday when his motion was denied. Today, I don't have a feeling.
Judge started with his atty, why are we here. Atty states the distance between the houses is too far. Judge stops him and says it is 15 min. + 10 minutes (25 min) between the towns, and to drop that right now. Atty says it is 9,000 miles per year, and he does all.
Judge then asks me if I disagree with the action. No, I was glad to hear his motion was DENIED.
I explain to the judge that it's not between the houses, but between the house and school, and I believe it is a parent's responsibility to take the kids to school. And I have abided by the recommendations included in the divorce document.
More talk about whether he drops the kids off at my house (no) he drops them at school, then every other sunday at my house, although I typically do 1/2.
I told the judge that X doesn't really do the driving, his mother does. "So why is this an issue now." I think his mother is fed up. Atty: His mother can't do it because his father is sick.
I said, judge, I only heard his father was sick from atty, not from X. Again, he doesn’t communicate with me. I have pages of letters which I’ve faxed to him, to no avail. I’ve included some in the package.

Judge says he’ll have to reconsider the motion. I forget the exact wording, but was told the wording matters. I’ll get an answer in writing in the mail. I have no idea how long this will take. What a waste of time and energy.

Unbelieveable.
Instead of being in court, X met with our DD's doctor because "he thinks there's something wrong with her". (ongoing issues outside the scope of this post)
He fails to tell me about ths appt. Dr. calls me herself because she knows of these o/s issues.
X's atty told the judge he was "at work".
I called the judge's clerk to inform him he was not "at work" and he again failed to communicate with me.

I hope the judge is not reconsidering over the health of X's parents. His parents should not even factor into the equation. His mother happens to be a 'convenience' that possibly is no more.

get a PI to see if he can shoot video of his mom doing yardwork, driving, etc...that would put a stop to the fake illness stuff I think he's cooking up.

Just stay ahead of him.

my xh and yours? both wierdos.

my xh recently told my precious and NOT fat child that HE HAS A GUT...really? I couldn't believe it. my xh is so self conscious that he would try to wreck the self esteem of a seven year old little boy...

praying for a positive outcome.

one reason I like lawyers...they do the crap for you...

and of course your idiot x wouldn't show up in court...he might stumble over his lies in front of the judge...not good to do...my xh used to do that also.

wanna hear something funny?> my xh FIRED his lawyer five minutes before we went into mediation...HE ACTUALLY SAID THIS: "I KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THAN A LAWYER DOES..."

kinda like when tom cruise said "Matt, you don't know psychiatry...I KNOW PSYCHIATRY."...kinda like that.

I am sick over X's recent comments about DD8. To hear him tell it, she's uncontrollable, and needs to be fixed.
She's a healthy, active 8 year old. We just had a meeting with school about her progress, and I just can't stop crying because if she says things about her, how does he treat her when she's with him.
I don't know what will come of the court issue, but I'm ready to go back to court to get her out of his house. The thought of him verbally abusing her and telling her she's bad, and seeing it in her eyes is more than I can take anymore.
He honestly thinks she's a flawed child and wants someone to "fix" her. She's a beautiful, wonderful and active child, who is emotionally sensitive, and desires her father's love. It's heartbreaking.

He treats DD6 like she's perfect. It's so wrong, and so emotionally damaging.

X'S MOTION IS DENIED!

In fact, they appear to have just photocopied the preliminary decision. So oral arguments were a waste of time.

congrats on your victory!
so nice to see things turn out the way they should!

Newly, I'm so glad! He was just d**king you around.

Sadly, it feels like a small victory as he seems on the warpath again, and this will likely fuel his fire.
I seldom feel he acts in the best interest of the girls, and his recent push to "fix" dd8 has me really disturbed.
I got a really bad feeling (intuition?) from his nutritionist, as did DD8 (who is quite perceptive (certainly not from me)).
Thanks for all your thoughts. I've been caught up in this mess for months now, and I really need to clear my head.

GG, if you read this, there's a country rock concert on Sat. 6/24 I plan to attend with the girls in Hopewell. Perhaps you can join us?

Oh, that sounds like fun! I can't though. I've got to attend at reception. Plus the girls will be camping. Paybe next time.

Hey Newly,

I am really glad to hear you won. How ridiculous and a waste of money for him to think on his days to have them that he shouldn't take them to school. Sheesh!

On the note of dd8, I don't think from what you say it is enough to try to even take him away from the girls. I would suggest you just encourage her in positive ways and your influence will go such a long way on both daughters.

Good luck,

Anna

Perhaps that is his problem with her. He senses that she can see through his facade and that makes him feel threatened. It's much easier to blame his discomfort on her than admit that even an 8 year old can see he's wrong.

Good point!

LSNE

My children are amazing. I don't think I ever imagined the joy the simple things would bring.
Tonight was the last softball game and the team went out for ice cream afterward. The local place has a small river running behind it. How long before the girls get wet?
I was watching the other parents to see if they'd let their kids wade in the water. In uniform. My kids, no hesitation.
As the girls get wetter, I see parents getting worried. My girls, happy as clams, soaking wet, getting cold, and smiling ear to ear.
My friends won't even let their kids in their car.
Ok, everyone in my minivan, soaking wet. Life is about the simple things, enjoying every moment, and watching the joy on the kids faces when they are allowed to be kids.

I rruly enjoyed watching them. When we got home and I put them immediately in the shower, DD8 says, Dad would have been so angry with us for getting soaking wet. All I can think is, wow, he is missing out on the little things, and I get to enjoy them.

When I first started here, I didn't appreciate all that I had. And through people here, I've learned to count my blessings. I am so blessed to have these two angels in my life and I am grateful for them. Just my rambling thoughts for the night.

Children are truly blessings from God.

You are blessed Newly! Having two healthy/happy daughters, there is nothing more a mother can ask for. I'm happy for you that you can see/enjoy the simplicity that your x cannot. Shame on him.

When I read how your x treats OD vs. YD, I have the carbon copy w/my girls and their father. My x can be so hurtful to our oldest and he doesn't have a clue what he's doing to her.

I enjoyed reading your happy moment.
K!