What are the chances of a relationship working out that first starts off as an affair on both parties? I am desperate for love and would consider this.

You actually have two red flags here, not just one. One is to consider marrying someone you had an affair with; two is being "desperate for love". Not good.

AGG

Couldn't agree more. That word "desperate" makes the hair on my neck stand up..

Dreamer, I think what you will find if you pursue this is the illusion of love. Are you as desperate for the illusion as you are for the real thing?

Just a thought.

Wow I never thought of the word"desperate" sounding so sad but its true. As far as the illusion of love I really want the real thing but I have no idea if it is going to come of if I will know it if I see it. Me ex husband and I just finally really broke up and I never thought that I would love again. So Since I am always approached by older men who are married I figured that this was all that I could get. How sad I sound. I hope that most of the replies are from men that way I could see what men really think about such things.

I can't believe you even asked this. You know the answer.

If older married men appraoch you all the time, you may want to look at the image you project. Maybe you are accidentally giving sex kitten signals, or "I Understand your wife doesn't understand you" signals which seem rather maternal now I think about it. Also, where are these men finding you? Don't go to those places any more. Go to places men your age who are single go. And fill yourself with other kinds of love. Romantic love comes and goes, even with the same person. Other loves are more stable.

Dreamer -

Please take some time to heal from your break up before becoming involved in another relationship. Please ask yourself WHY you would even consider becoming the other woman. If you truly want the real thing, as you stated above, then please do not become involved in an affair. An affair is FANTASY LAND!

GG -

Just had to make a comment about Dreamer throwing out those signals to married men. On two separate occasions, two men that I was merely having a conversation with, started saying how their relationship with their wives weren't good. Once that occured, I politely said "Sounds like you need to discuss this with your wife, not me," and walked away. Was I throwing out signals OR were these men throwing out a net to see who would get caught in that trap? Believe me, I didn't stick around to find out which it was!!!

Well, probably not. But, Deserving, you aren't here saying that you are "always approached by older married men." Always is way different than 2.

Dreamer,

That is not love - don't do it. You will hurt everyone involved very badly including yourself.

Says lots about the character of these men... they are married.

You deserve better - don't settle for men like this.

Where are you running into all these "older" men? Joe's Bar and Truck Stop?

As an XBW, I can tell you that if you get involved with a married man, you are asking for trouble. You would be a responsible party for destroying a family, when children are involved, just imagine the magnitude of it.

Lets say you two end up together, can you honestly trust him? He had an affair with you, what's to stop him from having an affair with someone else?

Even if you were unknowingly throwing out signals, there is no excuse for a married man to ever come on to another woman. You did the right thing.

I want to say something in this thread about "real" men. Real men don't cheat. They honor their marraige vows and even if their marraige isn't perfect, they don't look to cheat.

When I was single I had 2 oppurtunities to cheat with married women - one of them was all over me and begging me to take her to a hotel. (She was unhappy with her husband). I did not do it because she was married. She was someone's wife. 20 years later, they are still married, have 4 kids and seem very happy. Had I made the decision to cheat with her, it probably would have destroyed their marraige.

Another married woman that wanted to cheat with me was my former sister-in-law (my brother's wife). I was single, I denied her advances. Think of the ramifications had I acted on that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

When I was married I went on a business trip with an attractive coworker. She came to my room one night around 11:00pm. Came in, layed down on the bed and started talking to me. I got up and politely said good night.

I never once regretted the above 3 decisions I made. I actually am proud of how I handled them.

The point I am try to make is there are men in this world that aren't just looking for a good time. Some of us do have morals and standards. We want to treat people the way we want to be treated.

You know what guys really love?? Admiration... I would love to have a partner that thinks, "Wow, where did I find this guy!". Admiration is earned though....

So, ladies, please don't lose hope that there are decent guys out there. We decent guys are looking for decent gals. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I know several people who had affairs and are now happily married to their affair partner. While it may not seem just and right, it's what happened. Of course, others have gone through h**l due to ex spouses who extracted revenge.

Go ahead. Have an affair. Harm another woman who you know nothing about. Harm the children of that marriage. To H**L * with them! Right?