I have a single neighbor that I have made a point of being friendly with but we don't know each other very well. (She knows that I am flirting with her.) Recently there was a festival in our small town and a friend of mine came up and said she kept looking at me and he wondered if I noticed. (I did not notice...duh!!!) So I went over and spoke with her briefly.

A couple of days later, I went for a run and she was outside her house. I ran up and said Hi and we spoke for a couple of minutes. As I was leaving I said, "Perhaps we can get together sometime?" She said "Definately".

OK, she is interested. But does "Definately" mean "Call me"? Since she doesn't know me very well, is it a good idea to call and put her on the spot? Or would it be better to ask her the next time I run into her?

I think there is a fine line of coming on too strong, and not showing enough interest????

I eagerly await all female answers to this! What would you want a nice guy that is flirting with you to do next?

Keith

Call! She is sitting by the phone.

Keith,

Is this the same woman you and I talked about before? If it is I think I recall she was newly separated and had some issues??

Ronda

No, this isn't the one that just got divorced. She was a nice person, just going through a bad time and I never asked her out. This person has been divorced for a while.

okay well then...what are you waiting for? Call her!!

She better be damn special too if she is going to get a quality guy like you!!!

Thanks Ronda. That is sweet.

So if I ask her out... what is a good first date? Dinner? Or there is another festival in town next week... should I ask if she wants to go to that? Or maybe meet there?

You should offer to meet her there...it's a good open place...plenty of things to see/watch which will help with carrying a conversation.

No need to thank me...you already know you are my standard should I ever get into another relationship.

Yeah, ask her to meet you there. That gives her security in case she wants to end the date early (no offense), and it doesn't indicate full-out romantic situation, and gives you a chance to just have fun together. Dinners can be so intimidating.

I disagree. If you think you may want to date her, I suggest dinner. Almost anything else leaves me wondering if it was a "friends" get together or a date. Plus, you're neighbors. You already know where she lives, so the "meet in a public place" doesn't really apply. Naturally, dinner is dinner in a restaurant, not a romantic dinner for two in your house.

Let us know how it goes.

I'm going with this. Fortune favors the bold and I sometimes question if this forum is the best place for advice of this nature.

No offense folks.

Many of the people here have been through some terrible, terrible marriages and divorces and their experiences are reflected in their advice. It is perfectly understandable for them to want take things slowly and carefully, but others, whose experiences haven't been quite as traumatic, might prefer a faster pace.

My advice... Go with what YOU are comfortable with. IMO, the sign of a good match is when both people can get on the same pace. Consider it a sign of compatibility. If you go too slowly for yourself in order to accommodate her, you're neglecting your own preferences and that's a lousy foundation to build on.

Good luck.

Good response Seabird.

Definitely means she's just waiting for you to ask.
Judge the location on your own likes and dislikes and those you have in common.
A town festival would be something I'd personally avoid, because if I wanted to get to know someone, I'd prefer one on one. But then, I'd prefer a walk in a park to a formal dinner.

Thanks newly. And I agree with you about the town festival thing. Those sorts of things make for a good 3rd or 4th date IMO, but the first date should be more one on one. Likewise movies... Those make for terrible "get to know you dates". It's not like you can have any sort of conversation.

How about a wine bar? I find them a good balance between being emotionally neutral and romantic. They're quiet enough to be able to converse, and unless she's a lush, the likelihood of getting too drunk from a couple of glasses of red are less likely than a regular bar. Plus, most serve some kind of food - from full blown gourmet fare to simple personal pizzas, cheeses and other tapas.

The latter is extremely effective in breaking the ice IMO. There is something very daring about sharing food.

I agree with Green, pick her up don't meet her somewhere. IMO I would give her a call (from what you posted so far she is just waiting for a call!) Then ask her if she would like to go grab a bite to eat or if you want to go a little slower ask her if she would like to take a walk. The most important thing is to get to know her. Find out her likes and dislikes and go from there. I met my husband through a mutual friend. She invited me to go to a halloween party she was invited to and DH was there. He called me the next day and we went out to lunch with her and another mutual friend. Then we talked a few times that week to get to know each other. Then for our first real date we went to the driving range and then to a casual restaurant for dinner. NO movie dates for a while and no dates where you are distracted from making conversation.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Go for it call her!!!!

Take it from someone that wishes that the guy would've spoken up!!!!

I like the wine bar thought, where I live we don't have those, so I think that is awesome!! Allows for a comfy atmosphere!

Best wishes, judge for you self if you lean in for that good night kiss!!! No handshakes!!!

Dawn

I 2nd the wine bar. Very cozy and hip. Love 'em!

Keith,

I'm still sticking with the casual "date" of meeting at the festival. Knowing what I know of you I think you'd be more comfortable in that atmosphere for a first "date".

Keep me posted!

Ronda

Its too ambiguous.

If you want to date her, take her somewhere so she doesn't have to agonize over whether or not this is really a date.

The meet somewhere and hang out could be interpreted too many ways.

Make it a real true date. Pick her up. Pick up the check.
Then take it from there...

I called and she said Yes!!!, she would like to have dinner with me!

Thank you all for the encouragement!

Congrats!!!

Congrats!!

So when is the date? and where are you going?

Let us know!!!!

Dawn

LOL. Of course she said "Yes."

She said "yes" when she said "Definitely."

I'm really happy for you.

So how was the date?

Did you hit it off?

Do tell in a gentlemanly manner!!!!

Dawn

Daybreak,

Well, I would tell you how the date went if it had happened...

When I called, she said yes, and that it would be nice to do dinner. She said she had to check her schedule because of her kids and asked for my phone number. It has been a week and have not heard from her. I am a little confused...

It may be that she just likes the flirting at this point. I know she is interested (to what extent though??). I will just sit tight and if I see her again, I will be friendly as I always am. I won't bring up the date offer though as I don't want to pressure her.

Even though I am disappointed I have not heard back, I am very happy I found the confidence to call her and ask. I am glad that I have the confidence to walk up to her when I see her just to say Hi!

My X had numerous EA's and one PA during the last 10 years of our marraige. Each time she did, it eroded more of my self-esteem and confidence away. By the time we divorced, I was convinced I was worthless. As tough as the journey since the divorce has been, it has been a tremendous oppurtunity for growth for me.

3 years ago I could have never approached this woman because I honestly thought I was not worthy of anyone. Now, and I don't mean this to be arrogant, I want to make sure I find someone that is worthy of me!

Asking a woman out, and possibly getting shot down isn't really that bad. Not asking her, and never knowing, is what I don't want.

Will see if she calls...

That's not arrogant at all! It's a healthy perspective to take. Saying yes, then ducking and dodging... That's not worthy behavior either. Is that the kind of person you want to spend time or money on? Bah!

No, I don't want to be given promises nor lead in the wrong direction. When she said "Definately" and then "Yes" when I called her, I thought it was a done deal. Another thing I just noticed this week, is her X has been staying over night. I better write this one off to experience!!!

I remember right after my divorce I dated a woman that absolutely treated me like garbage. She would stand me up, then call me for a date. I would take her out for dinner and she would leave immediately. All the while she was doing this, (unknown to me), she was dating a rich attorney and the last I heard they are engaged. As I write this, I can't believe I dated her because she wasn't worthy of me.

I commend you for looking at this situation in a mature manner. I'm encouraged by your insight and attitude. I think all of us that have been betrayed by our ex-spouses have a difficult time gaining confidence again. It's hard to bounce back when your self-esteem has been shattered. I find that dating again is a hard thing to grasp because you're dealing with new people and their different personalities, styles and baggage.

I'm so glad you've grown from your experience and I hope that I can continue to learn from people like you. You are sooo right- you are entitled to find someone worthy of you! Good for you for regaining confidence too. I am still working on that myself.

Keep us posted on this. Keep your chin up. You're doing great!

But that's the beauty of those horrific dating experiences! (hingsight, of course )....you can learn from them as you have done. You have not ignored a MAJOR red flag that's popped up w/ this new gal.

*pat pat*

When you are betrayed by someone you love and trust more than anyone in the world, (your spouse), it will cut you down to absolutely nothing. And unless you have had it happen to you, you cannot understand it.


I am also uncomfortable with dating at times. It does not always feel "normal". I should be growing old with the woman I love, and created our children with. I should not be dating??? It can be confusing at times.

As a guy, I am alway worried that a woman thinks I am after just one thing. Little do they know, I want it all. I want my best friend, I want to be her rock, I want to come running to me when she needs me, I want passion, I want fun, I really want it all!


We are all learning and we all draw from each other here.

BHINWI,

I am sorry that things did not work out. But you learned! That is what is always important, is that we learn!!!

You said,

That is what I am looking for as a woman, I want it all!!!! I am just scared about the frogs to get to my prince! But I am willing to kiss a few of them!!!! I just have to find them, my world is so small there aren't many prospects and I put some vibe out that says don't approach. My friend Sandy and I have the same issue and have spoken about it, we think it has something to do with being confident women and being self sufficient. Not sure though!!

Dawn

I'd be waiting for the nice guy I had a crush on, to call me. a lot of women would be waiting on your next move....Call her! ;-)

her x is spending the night over there... no way!

keith, good to hear that you are getting your confidence back. keep at it.