It's Been a While - And Here Goes.... - 12/07/09 04:54 PM
Hi everyone!
I haven't posted in a while because things have pretty much been the status quo - which I am grateful for. I do check in every now and then - to see how ya'all are doing.
My BF and I are approaching the 5 year mark - and on Saturday night, things came crashing down and fast. We both discussed the idea of marriage, our relationship expectations, etc., and about two years ago, we both said that we are just fine with how the relationship was - no talks of weddings, etc. - we would just go with the flow. Which, after much soul-searching on my part - was just fine with me. I'm not ready for marriage #2 either.
Without getting into all the gory details, we had a very long, alcohol fueled conversation this weekend, in which he confided in me that after 11 years, he still cannot get over his issues with his ex-wife. I asked him if his "issues" included unresolved feelings for her - and he said no. Problem is, I don't believe him.
He has 3 grown children with this woman, and so he still has to see her every now and then. For our entire relationship, he always made snide comments about her, about how she screwed him in the divorce proceedings, and how she ripped his life apart, etc. I had made comments on more than one occasion that I was feeling that he just couldn't "get over" her, and he has denied it all the while. He has said that he has nothing but hate for her. I never believed it.
I asked him flat out to imagine this - if she ran to him, with arms outstretched, apologizing for the past and confessing her undying love for him - would he take her back? His reply was this: "I would be afraid to take her back - I would feel that she would screw me again, if she had the chance". He did NOT say "absolutely not, it's you I love, etc"....
What to do now?
I haven't posted in a while because things have pretty much been the status quo - which I am grateful for. I do check in every now and then - to see how ya'all are doing.
My BF and I are approaching the 5 year mark - and on Saturday night, things came crashing down and fast. We both discussed the idea of marriage, our relationship expectations, etc., and about two years ago, we both said that we are just fine with how the relationship was - no talks of weddings, etc. - we would just go with the flow. Which, after much soul-searching on my part - was just fine with me. I'm not ready for marriage #2 either.
Without getting into all the gory details, we had a very long, alcohol fueled conversation this weekend, in which he confided in me that after 11 years, he still cannot get over his issues with his ex-wife. I asked him if his "issues" included unresolved feelings for her - and he said no. Problem is, I don't believe him.
He has 3 grown children with this woman, and so he still has to see her every now and then. For our entire relationship, he always made snide comments about her, about how she screwed him in the divorce proceedings, and how she ripped his life apart, etc. I had made comments on more than one occasion that I was feeling that he just couldn't "get over" her, and he has denied it all the while. He has said that he has nothing but hate for her. I never believed it.
I asked him flat out to imagine this - if she ran to him, with arms outstretched, apologizing for the past and confessing her undying love for him - would he take her back? His reply was this: "I would be afraid to take her back - I would feel that she would screw me again, if she had the chance". He did NOT say "absolutely not, it's you I love, etc"....
What to do now?