I don't know if any of you remember me (Deja Vu) as I haven't posted or even visited this site for awhile. I'm back for a visit, or maybe for awhile... who knows?

My divorce was final in 2006, though I moved out in 2004 so it really feels like 5+ years now. I have (had?) no interest in another relationship, but recent events have caused me to revisit myself - who I am, what I want, where I'm going.

I am currently laid up with a badly broken ankle. Which I broke in my own basement when I slipped on water I didn't see. Anyway, sitting here has given me a lot of time to think - time to wonder if I really want to spend my life alone, which is where I seem to be headed.

I think the answer is mixed. I like my independence, I have lots of irons in the fire that I've waited YEARS to be able to pursue. After two marriages, and alot of lost time, I feel like I want to make up for it now. And I DO NOT mean by dating lots of people. I mean pursuing interests I couldn't fit into my previous life.

But, I am also not a spring chicken any longer, and as I think ahead to retirement some day, I can't imagine spending it alone. My single friends who have been alone longer than I have seem to make it work, but maybe they've just had more time to adjust to it. Or maybe they are more introverted than I am.

I don't see a good way to have both freedom and companionship. Has anyone else struggled with this issue, and if so, how did you resolve it?

I am not in the same position you are, but I think being married certainly makes things very different once you are alone. Have these single friends that seem to be enjoying it been married before?

You risk some freedom for the companionship, but usually if you are going to do that... it is worth it.

I have been in a relationship for a few months that feels very comfortable...we see each other exclusively and spend weekends together (no sex) and are best of friends. We attend church together, I cook, he chops kindling for me, it works well. We each have our own lives during the week but we touch base by phone usually both morning and evening, sometimes for a minute, sometimes for several minutes. It works for us but each person needs to find what works best for them. At 25 a person is probably looking for a vastly different thing than a person in their fifties.

I remember you, Deja. I am in the same boat. Xwh moved out in 2003, we divorced in 2006.

I dated initially, nothing serious. Did lots of things I've always wanted to do~ discovered a better, happier side of me. Am doing my postgraduate now and often think how I should have done all these things while married, instead of waiting seven years in a non-productive marriage.

Do not feel the need to have a permanent relationship, am happy alone doing my own thing although once in a while, I would like to go out for a nice dinner with someone, watch a movie, go to the beach, take a short holiday... and there isn't someone to do these things with. But still, not having someone only makes me blue for a couple of hours. I would like to go out on a date, but at my convenience

I am careful not to get stuck in the 'being alone' status and cultivating habits that will make it eventually difficult to let someone into my life. I know I would eventually want to be in a long-term relationship~ I have no kids and do not want to spend the rest of my life not being with family. I enjoy my freedom now and later, when I am with someone, I will savor the companionship. I don't think too much about losing the freedom. I think as I grow older, I am more mellow... I look for someone who will have the same understanding and values as I. I think trust is important and as the relationship grows, each partner allows the other freedom- freedom to grow. A friendship like kaystamper's is good to start with.

My struggle now is finding time for social opportunities. Also, there aren't many single people in my desired age group. I went on a couple of online dates last year but I find people on these dates are looking for a 'relationship or nothing' and they want it quick. Not my style at all. Or perhaps they know exactly what they want and I did not fit into that mould. I am happy to take my time to get to know someone... am not in a hurry and do not like being hurried.

So I don't know when I will date again. But meanwhile, I will just make life interesting for myself. I have a couple of things I wish to pursue- it will take me a few years. I continue counseling because I don't have someone to help me with my stress. You know that woman thing, come home and talk to release stresses of the day, I have just got my cat, lol.