Big Hello and Thank You! - 09/18/11 09:27 PM
Hello Everyone,
First off I want to say a huge thank you to Dr. Harley, his family and to all of you here on this forum. My husband and I have struggled with our marriage from the beginning and now we are so incredibly happy and feel in love just like we did when we were first dating. We both have marriage builders to thank. Marriage builders not only helped us restore our marriage to the condition it should have always been but it has also helped me a lot in understanding the relationships I have had with all of the people in my life. Not only do I see why I had in the past felt things for others I did not want to, but also why I had trouble restoring relationships with people that I just couldn't seem to restore.
This is my first time posting here but I have been reading this forum for years with my husband "MrNiceGuy". I only learned of his forum activity a few days ago though!!
I know most opening posts include some background history so here is ours. We started dating when I was 15 (he was 16). Our DD was born when I was almost 19. We were married when she was 5 months old, mostly due to our parents wishes. We had already exchanged vows at a young age and felt we were already married in our hearts. My husband and I were forced to grow up pretty fast as I was kicked out of my home at 16 and we had our first place when I was 17. We did the best we could, but naturally the downward spiral of neglect began after the arrival of our DD. All things considered we have stuck it out through thick and thin and are still together now. Our DS was born when I was 25 (this one planned!!) and after throwing into the mix my career we began having serious issues at home. Neglect turned into AO and DJ. Eventually our feelings of love turned to conflict or withdrawl.
Approximately one year ago my husband and I agreed to start MC. We found this to be very expensive and it tended to focus on past issues and how to "fight safely". My husband was a firm believer in the MB concepts and tried to encourage me to read them with him but I was very stubborn and angry. I felt that any information he wanted me to read would only serve to get his needs met and not my own. After MC produced little results I was finally willing to listen to reason. We agreed that we could save much time and money by focusing on only MB principles and instead of visiting the MC we would sit together and read Dr. Harley's books.
Now sitting here today I can only express my gratitude. We don't "fight" anymore, ever! The kids are no longer witnessing us behaving like idiots and we are now healthier and our lives are so much better. The happiness that comes from a great marriage spreads to other areas in life. I am a better parent and employee. In the past we were both tempted by other people and did have some form of EA. Now we have healthy boundaries and understand why we must. I am so so thankful we did not end up crossing the line into a physical affair.
My husband and I find that now in our much stronger state others are now coming to us for advice and we do what we can to provide them with MB tools (books, the website)
It is my hope that someone may see similarities in my story that they can relate to and know that it CAN get better. It takes hard work, time and re prioritizing your life. I will answer any questions you have for me.
If I could please, I do have one question for you parents out there. My DD of 13 is now head over heels into a boy (EEEK!) I am talking hours of conversation, always talking about him and wanting to go out to the movies/date him. My question is this. What age would you allow your DD to go out unchaperoned to a public place with a boy. I do not remember liking boys THIS much at 13.
I appreciate any advice and am so happy to finally be here!
First off I want to say a huge thank you to Dr. Harley, his family and to all of you here on this forum. My husband and I have struggled with our marriage from the beginning and now we are so incredibly happy and feel in love just like we did when we were first dating. We both have marriage builders to thank. Marriage builders not only helped us restore our marriage to the condition it should have always been but it has also helped me a lot in understanding the relationships I have had with all of the people in my life. Not only do I see why I had in the past felt things for others I did not want to, but also why I had trouble restoring relationships with people that I just couldn't seem to restore.
This is my first time posting here but I have been reading this forum for years with my husband "MrNiceGuy". I only learned of his forum activity a few days ago though!!
I know most opening posts include some background history so here is ours. We started dating when I was 15 (he was 16). Our DD was born when I was almost 19. We were married when she was 5 months old, mostly due to our parents wishes. We had already exchanged vows at a young age and felt we were already married in our hearts. My husband and I were forced to grow up pretty fast as I was kicked out of my home at 16 and we had our first place when I was 17. We did the best we could, but naturally the downward spiral of neglect began after the arrival of our DD. All things considered we have stuck it out through thick and thin and are still together now. Our DS was born when I was 25 (this one planned!!) and after throwing into the mix my career we began having serious issues at home. Neglect turned into AO and DJ. Eventually our feelings of love turned to conflict or withdrawl.
Approximately one year ago my husband and I agreed to start MC. We found this to be very expensive and it tended to focus on past issues and how to "fight safely". My husband was a firm believer in the MB concepts and tried to encourage me to read them with him but I was very stubborn and angry. I felt that any information he wanted me to read would only serve to get his needs met and not my own. After MC produced little results I was finally willing to listen to reason. We agreed that we could save much time and money by focusing on only MB principles and instead of visiting the MC we would sit together and read Dr. Harley's books.
Now sitting here today I can only express my gratitude. We don't "fight" anymore, ever! The kids are no longer witnessing us behaving like idiots and we are now healthier and our lives are so much better. The happiness that comes from a great marriage spreads to other areas in life. I am a better parent and employee. In the past we were both tempted by other people and did have some form of EA. Now we have healthy boundaries and understand why we must. I am so so thankful we did not end up crossing the line into a physical affair.
My husband and I find that now in our much stronger state others are now coming to us for advice and we do what we can to provide them with MB tools (books, the website)
It is my hope that someone may see similarities in my story that they can relate to and know that it CAN get better. It takes hard work, time and re prioritizing your life. I will answer any questions you have for me.
If I could please, I do have one question for you parents out there. My DD of 13 is now head over heels into a boy (EEEK!) I am talking hours of conversation, always talking about him and wanting to go out to the movies/date him. My question is this. What age would you allow your DD to go out unchaperoned to a public place with a boy. I do not remember liking boys THIS much at 13.
I appreciate any advice and am so happy to finally be here!