children in unhappy marriage vs divorcing - 02/26/12 03:56 AM
I have this question but not sure where to ask, so if anyone knows what thread to direct me to, I would greatly appreciate.
I have read much of the irreparable damage in children with divorced parents. That has slowed me down on my decision of getting a divorce. But the truth is, I don't feel love for my husband any more, no love, no hope. What stopped me from filing a divorce is the hassle that comes with it, the dramatic life changing experience, and most of all, the suffering my children will experience.
But what is the alternative? Probably we all assume is to build a fantastic relationship with my husband. But my struggle is that I have no love, no desire to build it. I actually feel he is a complete stranger at this point. Even the thought of touching or kissing him grosses me out.
How does a cold, loveless marriage affect children? Will they have the same suffering as those who divorce?
My parents battled with my mother's affair. She completely quit it, changed and did all required to quit her addiction but they did not truly recover. I feel very sorry for both of my parents, for the pain they both went through. They made it through the affair but never had a real fantastic relationship (there was and is no MB program in Vietnam). My parents are in their 70s and my Dad sometimes still feel resentful of my mom's affair 28 years ago.
I grew up learning not much about love and inherit a lot of love busting habits from both parents.
I am afraid that by staying in this loveless relationship, I will repeat my parents' history and do a major damage to my children.
The best solution is to learn to love and to build a romantic relationship with my husband. But at this time, I feel that he is hopeless. Too much garbage, too much junk he carries with him. Lying, deception throughout our marriage, affair and more lies, porn addiction... of course I only imagine there is a host more problems that I am not aware of and too tired to even care.
Is it still a good choice to stay together or should I consider divorce more seriously?
Thank you so much for spending your time reading and answering my question.
Minjo
I have read much of the irreparable damage in children with divorced parents. That has slowed me down on my decision of getting a divorce. But the truth is, I don't feel love for my husband any more, no love, no hope. What stopped me from filing a divorce is the hassle that comes with it, the dramatic life changing experience, and most of all, the suffering my children will experience.
But what is the alternative? Probably we all assume is to build a fantastic relationship with my husband. But my struggle is that I have no love, no desire to build it. I actually feel he is a complete stranger at this point. Even the thought of touching or kissing him grosses me out.
How does a cold, loveless marriage affect children? Will they have the same suffering as those who divorce?
My parents battled with my mother's affair. She completely quit it, changed and did all required to quit her addiction but they did not truly recover. I feel very sorry for both of my parents, for the pain they both went through. They made it through the affair but never had a real fantastic relationship (there was and is no MB program in Vietnam). My parents are in their 70s and my Dad sometimes still feel resentful of my mom's affair 28 years ago.
I grew up learning not much about love and inherit a lot of love busting habits from both parents.
I am afraid that by staying in this loveless relationship, I will repeat my parents' history and do a major damage to my children.
The best solution is to learn to love and to build a romantic relationship with my husband. But at this time, I feel that he is hopeless. Too much garbage, too much junk he carries with him. Lying, deception throughout our marriage, affair and more lies, porn addiction... of course I only imagine there is a host more problems that I am not aware of and too tired to even care.
Is it still a good choice to stay together or should I consider divorce more seriously?
Thank you so much for spending your time reading and answering my question.
Minjo