Saving my marriage! - 11/05/16 10:41 PM
Hi first I will introduce myself. My namebis Rebecca and I am in a very dark place. Here is a short version of my story.
I married the man of my dreams when I was 17 and I don't say that lightly. I had a crush on him since I was 12. We had a really good marriage. Even with me having to work out some things coming from an abusive home. He helped me so much. Then he started pursuing his career as a paramedic. We were great through EMT school and his next year of work. Then he started paramedic schooling. Something happened. He talked about how other women looked constantly and was always so busy and hardly ever home working extra and all the schooling. I allowed a terrible thing to happen and allowed some one to flatter me until he got what he wanted. As soon as this happened I was ashamed. I handled it the best way possible. I cried. I apologized. I begged forgiveness. And I have been an open book since. This was 7 years ago. Two weeks after I did he did. He said it was payback. It hurt but I accepted it and forgave him.
For years he has text many other women and I never questioned him. Until three years ago he started acting suspicious and I checked the phone bill. I found he was talking and texting a woman for hrs at the time and at all hours of the night. He said nothing wrong ever happened between them but it still hurt me because he said he would not quit texting her for my feelings. I swept it under the rug and forgave him but my trust in him failed. So long story short for the last three years I have tried very hard or thought I had in our marriage. I love him so much. I had even asked him to go to a marriage counselor. He laughed At me
Two weeks ago I walked in on him not with a physical person but with videos on his phone. Claims it was online porn and not someone he text but he refused to show me his phone. But it still hurt me very badly. It was the straw on the camel's back. I called our pastor who consequently is my father in law as well. I didn't know what else to do. My only choice was that or to walk out. And I love him to much to leave. Now he has said he hasn't been happy for years that I have nagged and been ungrateful and can't appreciate anything. I told him I am willing to do anything to change. I have been reading self help books and marriage books and really really trying but without going into all the details it is very obvious he is not trying. When I ask him he says well I'm still here aren't I?
Alot more could be said but I have already taken up to much time and i apologize. I need any advice. I really want my marriage to work. I love him dearly.
I married the man of my dreams when I was 17 and I don't say that lightly. I had a crush on him since I was 12. We had a really good marriage. Even with me having to work out some things coming from an abusive home. He helped me so much. Then he started pursuing his career as a paramedic. We were great through EMT school and his next year of work. Then he started paramedic schooling. Something happened. He talked about how other women looked constantly and was always so busy and hardly ever home working extra and all the schooling. I allowed a terrible thing to happen and allowed some one to flatter me until he got what he wanted. As soon as this happened I was ashamed. I handled it the best way possible. I cried. I apologized. I begged forgiveness. And I have been an open book since. This was 7 years ago. Two weeks after I did he did. He said it was payback. It hurt but I accepted it and forgave him.
For years he has text many other women and I never questioned him. Until three years ago he started acting suspicious and I checked the phone bill. I found he was talking and texting a woman for hrs at the time and at all hours of the night. He said nothing wrong ever happened between them but it still hurt me because he said he would not quit texting her for my feelings. I swept it under the rug and forgave him but my trust in him failed. So long story short for the last three years I have tried very hard or thought I had in our marriage. I love him so much. I had even asked him to go to a marriage counselor. He laughed At me
Two weeks ago I walked in on him not with a physical person but with videos on his phone. Claims it was online porn and not someone he text but he refused to show me his phone. But it still hurt me very badly. It was the straw on the camel's back. I called our pastor who consequently is my father in law as well. I didn't know what else to do. My only choice was that or to walk out. And I love him to much to leave. Now he has said he hasn't been happy for years that I have nagged and been ungrateful and can't appreciate anything. I told him I am willing to do anything to change. I have been reading self help books and marriage books and really really trying but without going into all the details it is very obvious he is not trying. When I ask him he says well I'm still here aren't I?
Alot more could be said but I have already taken up to much time and i apologize. I need any advice. I really want my marriage to work. I love him dearly.