Wow! Just found this site recently and have been addicted ever since. Received "Surviving and Affair" yesterday in the mail and read it all in one day. Okay, here is my story: Last December started noticing things were not right. Actually, we had 2 years of an awful marriage. My husband was very distant and mean. I was considering leaving before I found out about his affair. Anyway, last December I figured out what was going on. He of course said they were just friends. I made him promise to stop and actually things got really, really good between us. We actually had the best 6-7 months of our whole marriage. And then, BAM! I started feeling weird again with suspicious behavior, although he was still acting wonderful to me. My suspicions were confirmed when I found emails he had sent from the ship (cruise) while on vacation with me. I told him to leave and he promised he would stop. A week later I got a phone call from a friend who confirmed seeing them at an intimate lunch that included hand holding. All hell then broke loose! I wanted him to leave but he begged me to give him one more chance. I wrote him a letter saying that any and all further contact with her would be the end of our marriage. I have a feeling that they are still in contact because I heard she has a brother dying of cancer and I'm sure he cannot resist comforting her. I asked him yesterday for a separation since I strongly suspect he is still in contact with her. He does not want a separation, he says he wants to work on our relationship. I also feel his affair is in the category of "soul mates" since their relationship has been going on for at least 2 years and he has told me he considers her his best friend. However, she recently got married! This is the part I cannot figure out. She was having an intimate lunch and hand holding with my husband about 3 weeks after eloping to Las Vegas to get married to her long term boyfriend. Should I just contact the OW direct and find out exactly what is going on between her and my husband? What is the recommendation for contacting or meeting the OW? Also, is it time to press for Plan B? I feel I already did Plan A, before I knew what a Plan A was!

Hattie, I would click on "notify" at the bottom of this post and ask the mods to move this General Questions 11 where there is much more traffic and familiarity with adultery.

Have you exposed the affair to the OW's new husband? I suspect that would end the affair pretty quickly. Exposure to family, close friends is very effective. In the case of a newly married OW, I bet it would be very impactful.

bump