I have been married going on 11 yrs with 2 children. In January I find out for sure that my husband has had an emotional affair I guess you would say with a female co-worker. I of course doing the motherly and wifely duties did not ever think he would even get remotely close to this. Our marriage has been financially strained for quite some time. I had 2 children with-in 12 months. After 5 yrs finally the financial strain was lifting. I got to noticing that he would tell me he was putting whole check in the bank and ended up he was taking money out as well when depositing. Intimancy was declining considerably. I was getting no talk time no attention at all. Im a very affectionate person and I just felt horrible if I ever cried because he would stare at me and never try to comfort me. He would be gone on the weekends racing every weekend leaving me with the kids. I find out when doing my taxes last year that he had gambled and lost a whole lot of money in which he turns around and borrows more money to pay off the debt. Then this year i find out about the co-worker. He was distancing himself from us for months and my oldest (8) began butting heads with his dad who is ill all the time and never seems happy. Everyone tells me I do to much to compinsate for his mistakes. Well now that I find out about the millions of texting. I confront him. He instantly tells me he has been wrong in so many ways but wants to lay everything out and make things right. Overwhelmed with his job, overwhelmed with mistakes and overwhelmed with us. My request was to stay completely away from the female or he wouldnt be able to keep his head straight. For one month things were perfect. Now I get told 1 wk ago that he wants to seperate. He doesnt know if he loves me like he should and doesnt know if its ever been there. I am so crushed. I offered 2wk no contact with the kids and I after that counseling. He has agreed but am I at a lost cause? He tells me what a wonderful mother and wife I am and when asked what I can do to make it better ,he says its not me its him and he needs some time away to see what his feelings really are....I love my husband dearly and Im also scared he will not return. He has said he is scared of that as well.

Broken_hearted,

I am sorry you are in this situation. It is not a lost cause.

Read as much as possible here on this site, as well as the book, "Surviving an Affair".

Contact the forum moderators below by clicking the notify button and ask to have this post/thread moved to the surviving an affair forum. You will get many more replies/advice there.

AM

Thank you I have notified the moderators.

B_H, your H is having an affair that is probably physical at this point. I doubt he is spending his weekends racing. (Unless that's what they're calling infidelity now. )

Please click the 'notify' button and have your thread moved to Surviving an Affair. No, wait - hang on and I'll do it for you. Look for your thread over there. You need the help you can get on that forum.

Welcome to Marriage Builders. You've come to the right place.

BH, what do you mean by no contact? Has your husband moved out?

Who is the OW and is she married?

He's not racing not at the moment and no was not having an affair there. He races with his father and he would snatch his hair out. LOL!!! He says only texting with the OW no physical contact. I feel like he has had no attraction to me at all for a long time. He tells me alot that I am beautiful but the preasure of the kids arguing and his job he is too tired...what man is ever to tired? He is a wonderful person,in my eyes he is on a lonely path. But why not come to me instead of running away from everything. I feel like screaming is your family not worth it. We use to argue heavly because I needed him and It was like he didn't WANT to do anything for me. Then would feel guilty and pitch in. He has said he feels like a failure and if i were a vain person I would say quit making stupid decisions. But i dont want to push him further down the drain.

On no contact I meant I don't want him to call or see us. He'll see what the future could hold if he wanted divorce.

BH, the reason your husband wants a separation is so he can freely pursue his affair - which is physical - with the OW. He is running away from his family because he is emotionally invested elsewhere, in an affair.

That is why I asked if has left yet? And who is this OW? Is she married?