Mortarman -FINALLY we get the thread going.

My question, and I'm sure the question of many of my sisters, is how you get the husband to be the leader?

My WH has been a Christian for over 30 years. Very early in our marriage, we took a church sponsered class that talked about "honoring your husband and the marriage". I looked at what I could do to honor him, and decided to make him breakfast, pack his lunch, care for his children, be submissive, be available for SF, etc.

He in turn, ate it up.

I am not saying that he is not a good man, because he is. He always has had a caring heart, and treats everyone the same, whether the Queen of England, or a down and out homeless person.

But my WH never was the leader in our home. I did leave the decisions to him, much to my dismay. He spent our money on foolish things - 2 Harley's, and 4 other bikes.

I accept some blame for letting him do whatever he wanted. I thought I was being a good wife.

And this isn't just my story. I belong to a big church, and am active in it. What I see over and over is a good woman, yoked with a man who has no clue how to be a leader. Of course, there ARE men who can do this, but they are few and far between.

Hey, great question!! And some of this will be answered when we do the wife's roles shortly.

Look, a husband can ask the same question of a wife who is not fulfilling her roles. I am dying for her, I am meeting her needs, I am sanctifying her...and she runs right over me. She is not submissive. She doesnt do the things God says she should do.

There are examples on both sides. And the answer is the same for both.

First, God commands men to agape, and he commands wives to respect (reverence). This isnt a choice. It isnt if you feel like it, or if your mate is doing right. This has to do with your relationship with the Lord.

In your case, if you are doing your part (which I am working on now), then you can expect your prayers will be answered. Why? Remember, in the hierarchy that God has set up...your husband is the leader...he is your head. But your husband has a leader also...someone that he answers to. That is Christ. Again, I am going to discuss this shortly. But suffice it to say, Jesus has promised that if you do right...he can handle your husband. That is not to say he will come around. He first needs to be under the influence of Jesus...a believer. This is one of the biggest reasons why the Bible says that you should not marry an unbeliever.

But, no matter what your husband does or doesnt do...if you do not do what you are supposed to do, I can guarantee you one thing...God will not answer your prayers. As I said before, respect for your husband and his leadership role is not optional...God isnt into suggestions, only commandments.

The only other thing I will say to this right now (again, because a lot of this is covered in the women's section) is that you do not know your power. Take Eve. She had the power to take the passive Adam and make him take the leadership role. She could have forced the decision the snake was offering back on him. She could have said "Sorry, snake. You will have to talk to my husband about this. He is my head. I have my views on this and I will discuss them with him. But in the end, you will have to talk to him...Adam, honey...this snake says we should eat from the tree. I'm not so sure...but it kinda sounds good. What do you think?" "Well, I dont know." "Well, honey...that isnt good enough here because we need a decision. What isnt you dont know?" "Well, maybe you're right, maybe it is a good idea. But I know God did tell us to not eat from it." "Well, as the leader here, dont you think you shoud talk to God about this and see what He says?" "Yeah, I guess I'll do that...I'll be right back."

If Eve had done that, if she had continued to force Adam to take his leadership role, we would not be in this mess today. And she could have done it respectfully.

I do not know your situation. Each situation is somewhat unique. But I do know that you ladies have more power than you know of. Oh sure, you know the sexual power you have over us to get what you want. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> But what about the power of respect? What about the power of being our helpmate, of coming alongside and being our friend, our counselor? What about having that kind of influence and using it to make your husband take his leadership role.

Since God gave the husband the leadership role, He must have also given us some attributes and abilities that He did not give you ladies. Just as He didnt give us a womb for a fetus to gestate in...it appears God has given the husband unique access in his role as husband.

I was in the Army. Leaders always had an "Open Door policy." It mean anyone in the command could come see them with a problem. But, if yo uare a general with 13,000 soldiers, tha tcould be very problematic. In my case, I had 126 soldiers working for me. When a solider came in and said "Top, can I talk with you for a minute?" My first question was "have you talked with your immediate supervisor, your leader, first?" You see, the Army gives that leader access to me, that the lower ranked soldier does not have.

All of us follow Christ (Chrisitans, that is). And ALL of us can come before Him boldly, without any help from anyone else. But the ext does say that when it comes to the program of the family, that God does want it to function in a heirarchy. As a leader in the Army, I would never go around a lower ranking leader to talk to one of their soldiers...even though all of their soldiers were mine, since he worked for me. That would be undermining their authority and their leadership role.

I believe the text says that Jesus allows you to go straight to Him...but...when it comes to the family, He operates thru a chain of command. Which means that He is going to do many things for you, thru your husband.

Now, if I had soldiers who were obeying the lawful commands of their leader, but that leader was weak or not doign right...then I took care of that leader. Because I was his leader.

God can take care of your husband...you get out of the way. Again, I will go into all of this shortly...on how you get out of the way.

It is tough. As I said to the guys above, it is a risk to agape a woman that will take advatange of you and not do her part. It is a risk. And not all wives who have husbands who are doing right, come around to doign right. But a husband that is obeying Christ can count on blessings from Him and for Christ to use his situation for his good. But if he decides not to do right...then God says that He will not hear, nor answer his prayers.

Your marriage to your husband is temporary. it only lasts as long as you both shall live. Your realionship with Christ is eternal. Which one do you think is more important? So, do what He says, trust Him...and let Him do what you cant.

More soon!!

In His arms.