Hi Neak,

I guess I went to bed too soon last night! I just finished reading your story and I have tears in my eyes. I am somewhat speechless. It never ceases to amaze me the h**l we can go through and survive. The fact that your husband is there and seems to hold you more precious to him than ever is a sign of hope. Here is a favorite quote of mine when searching for reasons:

The deeper the sorrow that carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. - Cahil Gibran

You did all the right things it seems. And boy girlfriend, you have moxie! I did all the wrong things. I panicked, I told him if he wanted to live the life of a single guy he could GTFO. The next day I told him I didn't really mean that and I wanted him to stay. He left anyway. I threw his clothes out on the lawn and left lots of angry messages. He filed for divorce within a month (I believe OW put him up to this). Right now he is living with her. I believe deep down in my soul that we are meant to be together. Oddly enough, I believe this more now than before the A. Go figure. He is nice to me now. He wants us to always stay good friends. He always seems to be in tears and hugging me. Sometimes he seems to want to come back but can't take that step. I worry that he won't have the balls to break up with her and come back here and try to restore our marriage. That he'll just try to live with the damage he's done. I try not to push him anymore and don't talk about the big "R". I try to "attract, attract, attract". Sometimes I think the affair will last forever, but everything I read says it can't be so. I try to just look to the future when this is all just a bad memory and we have a better marriage because of it. But I have so many doubts.

I love the fact that your mom and sister post here as well. I come from a large family - 7 kids (in grownup bodies). My mother died when I was 18 and one of my sisters passed away a few years ago. The rest of my sibs are scattered. Right now it's me and my son and it is a lonely place to be, especially this time of year. Reading your posts makes me feel at home.

Thank you so very much Neak for taking the time to post your sitch. It helps people like me that are struggling more than I can say.

Me/BS 48
Married 16 yrs/together 23; 1 child
Dday 4/05; WH "needed space" and left 5/05
WH Filed D papers 6/05 - Divorce final 12/05
WH moved in with OW 11/05; moved out OW 1/06
12/06 His 3rd and strongest attempt at reconcilliation (I believe OW still in picture)
2/07 Affair over, begging me to take him back - it's too late.
WH has tried numerous times to reconcile.