Well, I'm still thinking of you all, anyway. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mom said she wished I could have had the above-referenced story ("It's all your fault the OW is crying") on tape so I could play it back to him. The big problem is it would also play back me, also crying, and saying things like, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for her to get hurt," and other equally nauseating blame hogging.

I was not born wearing the Red Cape of Power, you know. I had to learn how to use it just like everyone else, and maybe even slower than some.

Today, the mail contained a notice that Gargamel has sent me a certified letter, which I don't know if I should return unopened, or just forward on to Mom, poor Mom, or the attorney, poor attorney. (If she causes too much trouble, I would not blame him a bit if he started charging extra just for her.)

Any thoughts are welcome, but the main reaons I mention this is that I had not even realized how much progress I have made in reclaiming my daily thoughts, until the reminder of her malignant presence once again smacked me in the face. At least she got the 'r' in Mrs. this time, if the postal worker copied the name correctly.

Although I thought I was perfectly calm and cool, AJ immediately asked me what was wrong, so either I was excessively transparent, or he is actually in tune with my feelings. Or some of each.

I just can't believe how much I healed once I no longer had all the nasty C and so many reminders of her existence, and it is disconcerting to have some of that torn open again by a little piece of brown paper in my mailbox.

But I think it will re-heal more quickly, too. I did not feel resentment toward AJ for this, as would normally happen, and even if I was obviously startled by it, I went on about my life. Just before he nodded off to sleep, he pulled me close and said, "I love you so much, my wife." That alone helped a lot.

And soon will come the happy day when she sends something here and it will return to her again stamped, "RETURN TO SENDER: NOT AT THIS ADDRESS". Even if she finds us later, that thought should be enough for a few grins.

So that's my big day.

Please say a prayer for a friend of the MB board, who is planning to enter the peace of B tomorrow. Of course she is terrified, and assailed by doubts, have I done enough, have I changed enough, what if I should do more, etc. But she is losing love for her WH & knows it must be done quickly.

Hopefully she will soon be free to come back on here herself.

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb

Neak's Story