I am sorry you are suffering so. It is hard to read, as a FWW, because it reminds me of the terrible pain I caused my WH. And, it is hard to read as a BS because I understand the pain all too well. But, you are not alone. And, you know how wonderful and special I think you are.

I am not sure if this matters at all, but when I was a WW, it was almost like the "alien" fog protected me from really hearing/feeling the pain I was causing my H. I truly think it is the brain's way of protecting you from the horrible truth of what you are doing...that is why when the fog lifts, there is such incredible guilt because it is the first time you have really faced what you have done and the pain you have caused your BS. So, if AJ was anything like me, he probably could not take in your pain in any real way--it's almost like your senses are numbed.

Anyway, thank you for sharing yourself and your story. It helps me and others so much.

Mwwwaaahhh!! (kisses to you)