We had another really good talk last night. Something prompted me to ask him if he was ok after getting the card, and he said he was but then proceeded to talk at length about a lot of stuff that went on during the A.

It was the kind of debriefing I had wanted right from the beginning, and was enlightening on so many levels. I learned so much that my preconceived notions didn't begin to guess at.

I will go into more detail another time if I am able, but the basic gist of it was that all that time I was trying to be the best that I could be (i.e. outdo her in everything), she was trying to outdo me as well, far more directly than I knew.

She would want to do something for him, and he would say, "My wife always does that for me." So she would say that she could do it better, and get rather bent out of shape when he still wanted me to do it instead. This would be mundane, everyday things, as well as the more, um, creative things some of you might be imagining. She did not like coming up short in the reckoning, even when it happened numerous times. Especially when it happened numerous times.

She did not know we were still having sex until part-way along. I had known, and mentioned here before, that she asked if we were still sleeping in the same bed, and was quite miffed that we were. But apparently the discussion about our sex life did not come up for several more weeks. Naturally she was very angry to find out that we weren't behaving "the way separated people are supposed to act", and his reply? "Of course I'm having sex with her. She's my WIFE!"

Also, toward the end he told her that doing anything sexual with her had been a mistake. Which probably stuck in her craw a bit, too. Truth hurts.

It was just so weird to get a glimpse into how it was, and how almost everything was about me. As well it should have been. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It was far from the lusty Utopia I had pictured.

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb

Neak's Story