Where I most identify with what you said is about if an A rekindled. Gone. That's it. Over.

On the one hand, I have that attitude, and likely always will.

On the other hand, I have had to push it more to the back, because it has been affecting how I view him now. Being always on alert, always ready to bolt, does not build a healthy, stable marriage. (I have no idea if any of that describes you, I am very egotistically talking only about myself just now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

Yes, that's it exactly. It's just like this little "break only in case of a fire" thingie. It's there in case I ever need it.

I had that talk with myself too... "PM, you can't live this way. A good marriage is a TRUSTING marriage. You know what you would do if IT happened again. FWH knows what you would do. That's enough."

I had to put it away and re-learn to trust my H again. Sometimes that little thought pops up in my head, "What if?" but as the scripture says, I take those kinds of thoughts captive... and toss 'em. KWIM?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story