Welcome to the MB site. I'm sorry that you are in this horrible situation.
Yes, you sound like you are in shock, as so many of us were when we first arrived.

There are three books that you need to read by Dr. Harley. Surviving an Affair, His Needs Her Needs, and Lovebusters. They will be invaluable to you in the plan to save your M, if this is what you wish. It is your decision.

Until you get the books, the articles and threads on the site will be a guide.

Also consider phone counseling with the Harley's. They will be great support and guide you through the steps.

This shock will turn into anger, then back to shock/disbelief, and then back to anger, different feeling for each hour of the day. Expect that to be your normal for quite some time.

To save your M, there is much work to be done, and it is a hard road, but one well worth it if you are able to commit to the MB plan.

Believer gave you an excellent letter re. why you need to know details of the A.
Right now your WW will not spew everything out.
WW is talking fog babble, meaning everything that comes from her lips, is irrational, since that is how she is thinking.
WW is caught up in a fantasy dream life with OM.

For the time being, you must not believe anything that she says about the A, the OM, or the OMW/family. Believe it only if you have verified it yourself.
Otherwise, let it roll off your shoulders. Ignore it, ignore it , ignore it.
Do not feed into it, or challenge her words, you will get nowhere. And yes, this is very hard to do.

WW needs to see you in control of your life and M.

So, the first thing to do is fight the A, not your WW.

Unfettered has given you many of the details to the plan, and an initial list of who to expose to.

I would never contact them and will never discuss what has happen with anyone who really knows me. I am too ashamed. I have always been a problem solver to other people a place to get help. Also I would not want anyone to question my wifes integrity or character.
This will be a challenge to your thinking.
Exposure, telling EVERYONE who has influence over the A itself, and over your WW, has to know. There are no excuses since this is the best and most sure way to blast the A up and end it. This is a vital part of the plan and it can't be underestimated. You do not threaten to expose, you just do it, unknowingly to WW.
WW has no integrity at the moment, and as for your shame, you have done nothing wrong.

Come back with your thoughts.

Last edited by Vittoria; 04/12/09 05:38 PM. Reason: clarity

M'd 22 years
D-Day 08/08 LTA