Geeman, my advice which I desperately wish I would done is when you expose, don't allude that you will be(not that I did), don't tell your WW after you do(didn't either), and do it formally to all her friends and family that matter to her. And don't explain to anyone why you are, just reference that you love your wife and want to save your marriage and if they don't understand have them repeat that until they do. I tried to explain and dug a grave because people just see vengeance and a smear campaign in telling about the A.

(I am three months into my crap looking back and wishing I hadn't let emotions and fear run my strategy. And lastly don't react, follow a plan NO MATTER HOW THE WW RESPONDS.)

I wish in the beginning I would have hit Facebook with this information instead of just talking to her parents but I was so emotional and "protectively" fearful of her disappearing from my life I didn't do it the way I'd have now liked.

I was given the suggestion to do it like layers on an onion and now wish whoever had said that wouldn't have. I should have gone with the "Tsunami of Truth" version all in one go because once you do some exposure they hold it over your head from that point on.


Also I personally suggest getting anti-depressants if you feel emotional extremes(just my suggestion and Dr Harley's general advice too). They will keep you calm and collected. Ever since I starting them two-three weeks ago I've been more capable of responding thoughtfully rather than emotionally.

Let the WW run on their emotions, you don't have to.

I'm not sure about the divorce thing. Dr Harley just told me that he actually suggests in the case of divorce filinng allegations of Adultery. Let them know you won't leave the marriage without being forced out of it. Although I'm fairly sure he was meaning in the event that the Wayward Spouse has filed against you.

Last edited by Monc; 04/13/09 07:04 PM.

BH me-26
WW -26
married 3 Yrs together 6 yrs
DDay Jan 2009
Plan A/Planning B
D Coming Jul 8th 2009