I think you don't understand exposure. You expose by telling, her family for instance, that your W has had an A, and you need their help in trying to save the marriage. That is what exposure is really about, seeking others help in both ending the A and saving the marriage.

Get a keylogger and put it on your computer, hire a PI, do what it takes to gather the information you need.

You must remember that you cannot forgive what you don't know, and blanket forgiveness is just plain silly.

She has failed herself, the marriage, you, and even her parents with this affair. If she does not figure out why she did it and then take steps to protect her obviously low morals and boundaries in the future she will do it again. For recovery to occur the marriage should be made better, no love busters, meeting needs and the sort, BUT the WS must also protect the marriage and understand where their weaknesses are. This must also be coupled with the BS learning and eventually forgiving the WS.

This stuff doesn't happen overnight. It takes a few years in most cases. You are just at the beginning of a long marathon run, don't try to win the race in the first few miles.

God Bless,