The BAN group does focus on solutions and moving forward. We agreed when we started that it wouldn't be a husband or wife bashing group. We sometimes laugh at the crazy things we've done back when we found out, and also try to help new members who just found out. It's the usual advice - no contact, getting tested for STDs, exposure. Some of the members have a sexually addicted spouse and know of some 12 step programs locally. Others have referrals to good MCs, doctors if the new member wants or needs ADs. And, of course, those who have moved on to a better marriage and healed give hope to those of us who are working towards that goal.

Me: BW, 46
Him: WH, 48
EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09
D-day 7-29
NC 8-17
OW and WH both fired from jobs
OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!