Originally Posted by TheAntiChick
I will chime in with one kind of IC that *does* IMHO tend to help, if applied correctly. It's called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. The "bible" of this kind of therapy is The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David Burns. But as ML has said, I think the reason it works is because while it acknowledges past issues as real, it doesn't focus on them. It focuses on changing current thought processes and behaviours.

If your H's therapist isn't doing CBT work with him, I agree it'll just be more of the same on and on. IMHO, CBT can and does work well with MB. You might see if he's willing to switch to a CBT IC for his personal issues. They deal with PTSD and anxiety issues very well.


I agree with TACs post above and I am experiencing it now.

Although some of the people here advised me to NOT see an IC, I have to tell you seeing an IC has helped me 100% and it is assisting me as I am doing the MB program. My therapist is using CBT just the way TAC is describing. We talk about my issues with my family only as needed to address what we're working on in the CBT. I found that the past (& present issues) are useful examples for the CBT. I do not feel like we're dwelling on them, and my IC told me up front that CBT has a definitively finite course. At first that surprised me, but what I have experienced with CBT for myself is how darned rapidly it works.

Where I part ways with the IC Is A Waste of Time crowd is this:

You can't have a healthy marriage with an individual who is psychologically unhealthy.
For example, take a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, clinically depressed, schizophrenic, or bipolar and try to have a GOOD MARRIAGE with them. What do you think you'll experience? The IC Is A Waste of Time crowd likes to cite Harley as saying IC can keep you in IC for years digging up the past (very true!), but they don't cite where he says that addiction and other psychlogical issues will serve to block Marriage Building activities. Here's what Dr H says about Depression: Treat the Depression first and then the Marriage.

I hear you saying that you think this IC is a waste of time and not a friend to your M. If that's the case, and your H is in need of IC please consider seeking an IC with a program which will help him and IS a friend to your M. That's what I did & the benefits were swift and clear.

Something to consider.