Maybe a good question would simply be "Spouse, what is your goal for IC?"

If it was to recognize all the bad things that you can use as excuses to keep doing stupid or bad things now then you have already exposed all the bad things that happened decades ago.


As in Next is your turn to state a goal for marriage like "Spouse I know you had a tough childhood and you were treated cruelly and I really want to help you overcome that by having a great life now with me in a great marriage that will make up for all the crappy stuff you had to deal with years ago. Can I help you with ...

(I'd go out on a limb here and make the offer for SF knowing most men put that atop their ENs list but you say whatever you think is best at the time)

God's goal for marriage: Become ONE! How? MBer methods.
Me:husband 42
wife, 40
married 1/12/1991
3 children, 1 granddaughter