I want to echo what Chris just said... You can't have a healthy marriage with someone who is psychologically unhealthy. Now, none of us are perfect, BUT. When one person in a marriage cannot even relate in an honest way and keep agreements or even see realistically what the issues are because of their psychological issues, all the MB in the world won't help. They have issues of their own to deal with first. MB didn't stand a chance in my marriage until my H had IC. I had to go first with some clear boundaries (this was the ownership I had to take in the issues - my boundaries were non-existant in all practicality, and *I* needed IC to do THAT) and refuse to stay in a marriage like that, and basically tell him to get IC or get out. Once he got IC, and fixed some of the major issues, MB then had the fertile ground on both sides to work. But it had to be the right kind of IC, because I *DO* agree with Dr. H that most IC are NOT interested in keeping marriages together, and most don't know how. My IC doesn't, but her function was to get my head straight about boundaries.

I get upset when I hear all IC being slammed as being horrid, when my experience is that IC has supported MB, and has been a completely positive experience for both me and my H.

I don't see *ALL* IC's as good, but I don't like hearing people warned away from IC if they need it.

"When people show you who they are, believe them." -- Maya Angelou