Thanks for the all the information to think about!

My worry about IC not being a friend of the marriage was because the IC stated that she was interested in getting him healthy, and THEN worrying about the M. That bothered me. The IC is tough, and she doesn't let him make excuses or use the past as an excuse. The IC wants him to make changes in how he behaves, and that part I like.

My H has been clinically depressed and is finally on good meds. He is learning to be empathetic, because that is something he didn't learn growing up. His IC is also focused on boundaries, because his are terrible of course.

I am just frustrated that we can't work on M as thoroughly and quickly as others can.

Me: BW, 46
Him: WH, 48
EA/PA with co-worker 8-08 to 7-09
D-day 7-29
NC 8-17
OW and WH both fired from jobs
OW lost court case for restraining order- judge called her a "practiced deciever" who manufactured evidence!!