I have been reading and posting a bit for a couple of months but have not told my entire story. I have been afraid because the OW had been hacking into my computer last fall, before our wireless network was as secure as it is now.
My H and I have been married for 8 years. It is the 2nd marriage for both and we both had 2 daughters. At the time of our marriage they were 4, 7, 12, and 14. My daughters were with us most of the time, but did visit their father often. As they got older, their activities changed and we went from less of a formal visitation schedule to a more fluid one.Their father was flexible and so was I. My step-daughters' mother, however, hated my H for divorcing her and devoted her life to alienating the children. I won�t tell the stories; nobody would believe them. It�s been a nightmare and a big stress on our marriage.
The year after we were married, my H was laid off from his job. He has a profession that is not in much demand, and he didn�t want to move to areas where it was because of the children. I agreed with him, and I picked up extra work, working more like 50 hours a week. He did some adjunct teaching to earn money, and picked up more of the household chores.
It worked for about 3 years but he got more and more depressed and sunk into a huge depression. Our family doctor gave him medication, and the medication gave him a psychotic breakdown one day. He became, literally, crazy, and violent. I called the police; he was arrested. It was terrible. He now has a misdemeanor on his record; it was reduced because of what is called �involuntary intoxication� � he was prescribed the medication.
Meanwhile, I could not take the stress of trying to work so much. My thyroid gave out, I was exhausted, and I could not lose weight. We finally decided we had to move so he could get a full time job and I would work only one job. He still had to support his children, of course, but we had to find another way.
My youngest daughter was about to start her senior year of high school when he found a job two states away. We decided to have him move to an apt., start house hunting, come home every month, and then when school was out I would join him. We did this. My youngest started college that fall. We had a new house, were making some new friends and learning about our new state.
The A didn�t start until 2 years later. My H was angry and blamed me for his arrest record because I had called the police. I tried going to counseling with him and he wouldn�t take responsibility. Everyone who knew us knew he felt that way, and nobody ever agreed with him, until a co-worker did. A female co-worker. The A started in August 2008 and I discovered it July 29, 2009. I discovered the secret email account and about 400 emails with about 200 of them having photos attached. Photos of her naked, them having sex, posting them online and sharing with others, talking to others about swapping mates for sex. I spent a lot of time screaming and vomiting. I found out it happened in my bed, and took all my bedroom furniture, bedding, photos on the wall, etc. to the dump.
Once the OW found I knew, she claimed she had tried to end the relationship earlier. This was a lie because I found out about it when I found a text message from her that day. Then she went to HR at work and said he was harassing her. There was a full investigation, and they both ended up fired or forced to resign because they had sex at work. She is now filing restraining orders saying that she did not post the photos online. She is doing this because I forwarded all the emails and photos to her H, who divorced her and is going for custody. We have spent about 15k in legal fees. We are not done yet.
D-day is coming next month, and I am so far from healed. So much of the past year has been taken up with the job investigation and loss and the court case which has dragged on 6 months. My H is going to IC and we are going to MC with an infidelity-trained therapist. I go to a BAN group every other week. I have read SAA and bought Love Busters and HNHN. My H is reading them too. I see him making changes but I am so far from healed and it�s been a year, almost. He is trying to learn to meet my ENs. I am really not that interested in meeting his. I know I should; I am angry and resentful and that isn�t serving anyone well.
That�s my story.