Hi MB community,

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. In January my husband told me that he had, had an affair two years ago and it resulted in a child. He only slept with her twice and after he slept with her he ended the relationship. He had heard from other people that she was pregnant. Six months ago she contacted him and said that the other man she was sleeping with was not the father. At that time I had just had our second son. Prior to telling me about the affair he had only seen the little girl once. After he told me we had a paternity test done and it was confirmed that he is the father. The OW is asking for CS and that he be a part of their daughters life. I am aware that it is advised that he have NC with the OW or OC until the child is 18. However, my husband wants to be a part of the child's life and I could not live with myself knowing that there is a child out there that has NC with her father. We are in the process of going to counseling and working toward healing our marriage. My husband assures me that he has no feelings for this woman and just wants to be a part of his daughters life. Emotionally, I am still reeling from the shock and horror of all of this. All of our immediate family members know except for my brother. According to him the OW family knows that her daughter is by a MM. We have discussed him having no contact with the OW outside of the e-mail that she is to use to contact him about her daughter. We have also discussed her not being present during visitations. Until recently I was using my mother and my SIL as sounding boards and support, but I have decided against it. I don't want to further tarnish the relationship b/t my mother and my WH so i came to MB looking for support.
Any help or advice you can give on dealing with situation would be very helpful. Or an uplifting story from someone who has dealt with the OW and OC situation successfully would be appreciated. Emotionally, I am at the end of my rope. I don't want to divorce my husband, I want my marriage to work. I have read the advice and articles written by Dr. Harley. We are working on the love busters and meeting emotional needs along with POJA.


BS- 31 (me)
WH-32
Married- 7yrs
DS-4
OCD-1
DS- 8 months
Marriage Status-Trying to recover