LadyK, Alberta, and others,<P>The computer is not evil. It is simply being used as a communication tool. Emotional and physical affairs didn't start with the Internet. Likewise, denial is not a river in Egypt- it's a state of mind that allows you to ignore information that may be painful for you to deal with, but it is nevertheless key to the recovery of your relationships. It's easy to fault straying spouses for a lack of moral fiber, but the reality is that love is conditional, (excpet loving our children), and people stray with EA's or PA's when their emotional needs aren't being met in their marriages. It may be partly their own fault, for not communicating their needs and seriuos to their spouses; it may be partly their spouses fault for discounting their partners needs, because they aren't the same as their own, or the just don't recognize their validity. Whatever, healing will occur only when those issues are in the open, and both spouses take responsibility for their end of the relationship. Having any spouse that stays up late at night on the computer while you're in bed is such as screaming warning sign of breach in the relationship- it is typically tolerated or not remarked because of the distance which has already arisen. I wish you all luck in repairing your marriages; take Harley's principles and advice to heart, and if you can, avail yourself of phone counseling, or use a counselor in your own area who understands the principles and is willing to work with them. <P>Best wishes, <P>Jon