Renee,<P>I truly feel for you. When I started reading all the posts on these boards I felt worse. The more I read the more I got the impression that it was normal for the OP to have this intense withdrawl...well, it rang true for me, but not for the OM. It does hurt. The OM told me that I was the most important thing in his life, he loved me, and stupidly, I believed him. I am old enough to know better, but I did it anyway. <P>I have no one to blame but myself. I don't know what I thought was going to happen, but I never thought he would just let go without looking back unless he had be lying from the very start. I have been in counseling for four months trying to deal with what I did, and dealing with its aftermath. I agree, it has been hell and the hurt is crippling at times. In my case, I had tried many times to break it off, but he OM would never let go. He did when his W found out...he disappeared without a word. For some reason, I never wanted revenge. I just hope he hurts as much as I do. I hope his wife is giving him a hard time, because she should be for all of the lies she must have heard. I, too, feel off the wagon and wrote him, but he never responded. I was hurt all over again. The best thing to do is do your best to keep busy, get help if you can, and fight the temptation for revenge. Getting on with your life is the best revenge...and learning something from this horrible experience. If you learned something good or bad, it wasn't a total disaster. Keep praying for guidance and take it a day at a time.<P><BR>[<BR>