WS and I attended 9yo, D, choral recital. This was on his insistence. Well, we sat on opposite sides of the auditorium. I kept my head high and just imagined that he was not there. Very, very difficult.<p>D, was glad to see him there. I greeted him warmly but no touching or hugging. He was very cold towards me.<p>After the recital I told D to say good-bye to her dad. I also asked him if he would like to pose for a photo with her. Which he did and then said he will take a photo of D and myself.<p>Throughout all this I was myself and I did not even act happy, I was happy.<p>As my D hugged her Dad to say good-bye, he burst out crying. I took D, said good-bye and left.<p>In the car D said,"Dad will never be happy because OW has too many rules and regulations in their house when he was with us he was a free man Mom. You did not tell him what foods to eat, take his shoes off when he is on the bed, neither did you insist that he must diet because he was so fat. All I hear from OW, Mum is all the rules.<p>I told her that her Dad had made a decision and that he will have to live with it.<p>Did I feel sorry for him - No. <p>The bond between me and my 2 D's have grown so strong over the past 8 mnths and I have also realised how precious they are to me.<p>I asked God to put a "Hedge of protection" around my WS got in to bed and had a wonderful peaceful nights sleep.<p>My question is:- Why is he still crying when this women was suppose to have been his "Manna from Heaven"<p>Maybe, some FWS could answer this question for me. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Ginny, I'm a former WS, and I can tell you that your WS is facing what all WS eventually must face about the OP. . .reality.<p>An affair is nothing more than a fantasy, and when the fantasy is stripped away and the cold light of day shines, only reality remains...and it's not always a pretty sight.<p>He had something good and he lost it in his pursuit of what he erroneously believed to be "better".<p>{{{Hugs}}}

Wow. I want to say good job for the way you handled the recital. And this: "Dad had made a decision and that he will have to live with it." I know it hurt you beyond belief, but you are so strong. Yay you!!!<p>WS crying? Well, mine is broken up with OW now (even though we're divorced), and is sharing some of that with me. Why do our H's seem to end up with these controlling OW??? He realizes now all the things about her - she "made him" spend lots of money he didn't have, she had big fits of anger - even hitting, how immature she is (26 yo)... He still can't explain why he got involved with her, and why he stayed with her for a year. He did say that they had a "film" over their eyes. (I wanted to correct him and call it "fog" ... tee-hee [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )... but they thought the "passion" and "soul-mate" thing was enough to carry a relationship. As reality set in, and especially after the divorce when they could totally be together without me in the picture, the "film" cleared up and they could see each other with their flaws and everything.<p>Why is your WS crying and staying where he is? Well, he may be too proud to admit he made a mistake. Maybe OW is so controlling he doesn't want to make her mad by leaving her. Maybe he's hoping OW will turn into a princess if he kisses her enough. <p>just my 2 cents.<p>Who filed divorce? Can you stall it a lil bit? I'm guessing you have a good chance of this A ending soon, and you may have a chance at recovery. Under good POJA and your conditions. That "false recovery" history is enough to warn you to be strong.<p>hugggggsssss.... hang in there....<p>[ May 21, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by GinnyF:
[QB<p>My question is:- Why is he still crying when this women was suppose to have been his "Manna from Heaven"
[/QB]<hr></blockquote><p> Because reality can be a cold hard slalp in the face. When my H started his affair the OW appeared to be his biggest fan. He could do no wrong, even his most reprehensible actions were okey dokey with her (because they weren't directed at her). he was her knight in shining armor and she was the poor pathetic girl who wanted to be rescued. After less than 2 months of living with her she started to make demands, he realized that whiny and needy are not desirable qualities, she had a lot of complaints about him and she was trying to manipulate him and force him to do things (like file for divorce). The day he left our house he said "I hate this house, I feel trapped here, I don't want to be hear anymore." The day he came home for good he walked in he door, held me tight and said "It feels so good to finally be home. I feel like I've been in prison and have finally been released." That greener grass often turns out to be covered with toxic chemicals once they get to the other side of the fence.

Wow as a former WS this question hits home big time! The fantasy part is totally true. For some reason we seem to think when life gets too rough the grass is greener on the other side. Then once we wake/grow up we realize how stupid we have been and that what we wanted and needed all along was right in front of us. I'm sure he was crying because he realized you are OK without him and that he has totally screwed up. I think he has had a reality check and doesn't know what to do. I'm sure he is miserable with the OW but doesn't know how to fix what he has broken.<p>RW