Calling all on all Success Stories, Dreamland could use a boost right now.<p>Dreamland, this thread is just for you. There are plenty of success stories here at MB! But, you are right, the misery and depression seem to push the success stories out of the way. <p>Please don't get to down on yourself, its not the end of the world and there is still plenty of time and opportunity for things to turn around and get better. I fully understand how you feel, we have all been there and felt the same way you are right now. Its time for you to take a mental vacation from WW, the A and everything else, let it go and let God take care of it now. Plan something for this weekend with just you and those boys of yours!<p>So, come on all you successful MB-ers, lets show Dreamland that there is still hope!

OK I think my story can count as a success so here I go.<p>My H had a one time PA, long time EA, and a whole package of psychological malfunctions.<p>It took us 3 years to get past it, 3 years in which 2 were the most terrible nightmare. I lived a hell physically and psychologically. It was as if he was behind four walls that he had builr a long time ago, so long that he hadnt even remembered he had them.<p>He shut me off on his world. He was all facade and turmoil inside, and this turmoil would present itself in abuse, obsession and a terrible multiple personality.<p>Sometimes the pain and depression, the unworthiness he made me feel made me want to die, end the drama, and be in peace for once and for all. Not having to wonder which H I was talking to, not having to be careful with what I said, wanted, wore, felt like. I wanted to end the sick mind games, but I couldn't see my life as it was before I met him. I couldn't even remember what used to make me smile.<p>I was quiet, and sad every single day, my soul was ripped in pieces, so small, that I couldn't even make up if it was there at all.<p>In some way or another I managed, I hung in the good days, if there were any, I drew power out of the little love I had left inside of me, never expecting any love back. I gambled all or nothing, expecting to loose.<p>And then... it took me to break down, loose all my love for him, all my tolerance, all my patience, for him to realize what he had done, that it was HIM the one making me cry everyday, that it was HIM making me hurt myself. That it was Him the cause of my unhappiness.<p>The road to recovery is though, terrible and slow. Two years of my life have come and gone through it,and one year in recovery will add to those too soon.<p>Three years it has taken me to start to make my H understand, to make him feel better about himself in every level. Three years I will remember for the pain and hurt, for the way it has exhausted me. Maybe someday I will be able to remember fragments of it as good, and then I'll be completely healed.<p>Dreamland, it takes a great deal of strength, love, faith, to go through with this. It takes a lot of confidence in your abilities, a lot of cold head, a lot of heart, and overall, and inmense amount of courage.<p>As I see it, we are all warriors, we are all fighting in two fronts that sometimes are against each other, our own front, and the front deffending our love, because sometimes, the ones we love, are not the best for us.<p>It is up to you to decide how strong you are, to measure your love and abilities, and decide how far you are willing to go, how worthy is all this mess for you, and what will happen to you if ultimately you loose it all.<p>For me it's been worth it, and I hope, I believe my H will make up for this lost time eventually.<p>We are now inmensely happy to be together, we enjoy each other just as we once did when we first met each other face to face for the first time. (We met online).<p>He has got to known me inmensely better, and he has got to know himself.<p>He can wake up everyday with a brand new attitude, he is able to smile and not be ashamed of himself.<p>I am happy I am with him, and my love for him grows a little bit everyday, and I am confident one day it will return, if not surpass the inmense love I once felt for him.<p>[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: Alostwife ]</p>

I am proud to say that I am a success story and still growing.<p>My husband and I have made it through many rocky roads, and I've received a ton of support from people both here and at another site I visit. <p>I'm sure there are many times that my husband felt like giving up. He went through a lot, just on his suspicians. He stayed home while I was out and looked at our photos from our wedding and cried wishing I was in his arms. I never knew.<p>He confronted me in Feb. 2001, and I denied everything. It all came out in July, 2001. The whole rush of truth. He wanted to walk, to leave and be done. We yelled a lot that first day, and many days to come. We went to therapy, and I search my soul for the truths that he was asking. His questions were hard to answer, but I did. There were many times I thought he'd give up, but he didn't.<p>We have made some huge steps in sharing our feelings, and thoughts. I have shared my remorse, and he has shared his fears with me. <p>A couple of months ago were harder than now for him. I know he still has his fears, but he tells me he is doing well - and I can see in his eyes that he is. He looks at me with pride. Our family is showing it's beautiful colors again.<p>It starts with faith my friends, and a little belief. I knew trust would take awhile, so all I asked is that he believed in me just a little. His belief in me carried us a long way. It carried us to today!<p>Today we are doing great. Our love shows for all to see, and it's real. I wanted to share this so badly, but really felt I should wait till I knew for certain, but I think it may help boost here. I think I'm pregnant! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] We decided to expand our family, and the past few days I've been feeling rather nausious. It's really soon, but I really believe I am. I wanted to get past some of the shaky time-frames before I told a lot of people, but I'm about to burst. I'm really excited. Not only am I excited about the beauty of being pregnant, but also about what this says for where we are in our relationship. It wasn't a rash thing, we knew we'd wait till we were fully comfortable. So, I geuss that says a lot in itself.<p>Dreamland, I went through months of denial and ignoring the pain that was surrounding me. I did wake up though, and my life with my husband is wonderful.<p>I hope this helps. Take care of yourself. My best to you.

Well I don't know where to start but I do know that things have turned to be so positive, I just don't want anything to change anymore.<p>When I found out about my H affair, Jan.13th 2001 I felt like I had lost everything. My life was gone. I didn't see any reason to want to live. I couldn't eat for the following 4 weeks!!!!!
(lived on fruit juice + vegetable juice)
My husband stopped his affair right away and we did decide we wanted to make our marriage work. <p>But my world was standing still. I was deeply numb and deeply depressed. If anyone would of told me what life would be like now, I would of said they were crazy.
Slowly but surely we were able to talk. We didn't talk about any details, we just talked.<p>We did alot of things together again and felt very comfortable. The further we got into recovery the better things were getting. My H opened up. He started to answer detailed questions.<p>I was giving him all reasons to feel comfortable, I was doing Plan A, even though I DIDN't know anything about it.<p>We went to the Caribic for 14 days and this is when our love really came back. It was the most romantic holidays we have ever had.<p>I had many ups and downs and still I knew I was going to get through this. We were going to get through this together.
The day came when my H actually told me the complete story. He didn't leave out any details. He showed me all the places that they had met. We held each other and we cryed together. This brought back so much trust for me and I was able to show him how prowd I was for his honesty.<p>We have learnt many things during recovery. Things we surely would never of known if the affair hadn't of happened.
Even though I truely wish it hadn't of happened, I can now say it does have something positive.<p>We are able to talk about our deepest feelings. My H has learnt that honesty is the most important factor in a marriage. I have learnt to listen. <p>Our marriage has become very special. It has became better than ever. Even though this experience was the hardest we have ever went through we have made it and we are so grateful for one another. As I said, if someone would of told me this on D-D, I wouldn't of believed it, but it is true. Don't give up as your marriage can become better than you will ever believe!!!<p> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>hugs
BB

Over 2 years in recovery [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>H's PA with a coworker began 4/98, continued off & on through 10/99, EA/personal contact continued until 2/00. We separated 7 times, 14 months out of 21. I did an 18 month Plan A through the 6th separation. The last separation began 1/00, I began to set strict boundaried (Plan B didn't work well with both of us being involved with our kids) H wanted to reconcile, I no longer did, I found him emailing her and served the D papers 2/00. I began to move on with my life, including dating (wrong move, don't do it).<p>H turned his life around became accountable with time and passwords, saw our counselor, took his anti-deps, went to a men's Bible Study. I stopped seeing the OM. We reconciled in 5/00.<p>And, we're now in love and pretty happy, though normal life has it's challenges as well.

This is great! I know some more will post their stories!!<p>Here's two links I found to other success story collections:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=009391<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=015248

ALL OF YOU ARE GREAT!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Loverherstill: Thank you for starting this post. It really feels good for someone to pay attention to me. I guess I am a needy person and really never knew it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I will squeak out some positive things about all of this. Here goes:<p>Over my 7 years of marriage, I have glossed over my feelings putting everyone's feelings over my own. I did this at the cost of me. When my wife would fail to fill my needs or make me angry, I would bottle it up and say to myself, "I am being selfish." For the first time in a long time I have been standing firm and expressing to my wife when she has done something wrong and offended me and I am doing so in a very non-critical tone. Yesterday, for example, I came home from work and my wife immediately handed over both kids (kicking and crying) and got on the phone and talked for an hour. I could hardly even change (it was very hot that day). This was obviously something that was insensitive and it angered me. After she got off the phone, I politely asked her if I could tell her something without her getting mad. Very calmly I explained to her how she made me feel by not allowing me some time to change clothes and not even recognizing that I had come home. She actually agreed that she was wrong, and she said she would avoid doing this in the future. WOW, was I impressed with myself.<p>Additional positive successes are that I am learning about how to please women in sex and needs, and I am learning and changing the way I think about marriage. I am sure that if my wife and I get over this little hump, we will be stronger and more in love than ever before.<p>Thank you everyone for caring.

Dreamland.................You received a short number of replies but a great cross section of how things can turn out.
I'm the WH but my W could have written the post from Alostwife very easily. We have been in conflict and pain for 31/2+ years. We have counselled a whole bunch and read even more. The struggle doesn't seem to ever really go away but as others here have expressed ....the communication is the key and more importantly , honesty.
We have been here at MB's since 1/02 after reading several of the books. The people here have been wonderful. It seems that no matter which side of the "fence" we may be on, most people can find it in their hearts to try and have compassion & understanding.
I can say to you that my W and I just had our 25th anniversary together yesterday. We didn't know if we would make it even as far back as last week. We continue to work through the pain and the questions. We went to a dinner show today and sat next to a couple that were celebrating 50yrs. together! We have a trip planned in a couple weeks,too!
As was said earlier, we need to hear the successes on this site,too. Many people do share their joys and their sorrows here.<p>Life, they say, is a journey. Marriage is,too.
Luck to you and to all others here that are struggling with this "journey".
Brw [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dreamland, I too am a success story! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
I never imagined our marriage would end up this way.
I would like to congradulate you on telling your wife how you felt when she thrust the children at you, while hardly acknowledging you. Good on you for telling her. I am guilty, I did the same thing, totally unintentionally. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My husband used to complain when he was in the dog box, (which was often) that I never had enough time for him, never put him first, took him for granted... I certainly never saw it that way and took it to be a feel sorry for himself excuse to get himself out of the poo!<p>NOW, after his affair, some depression (his) and
a severe midlife crisis, some councilling and a lot of soul searching I realise he truely did meant what he said. Now my h is a little different to most, for every single thing that ever went wrong, or write he would drink, and drink and drink (unfortunately not water). He was unrealiable, unreasonable, scarey and untrustworthy. When I look back on it now I can honestly say I do not know why I stayed with him.
(We've been married 16 years) Now, I can say we
are a SUCCESS STORY [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] We have been in recovery for 19 months, and really good recovery
for 12 months.<p>I think one of the best books I have ever read that our councillor gave us is called: Why men don't listen and women can't read maps, by allan and barbara pease. It is an amazing book, made interesting because not only is it funny, it is so true. They write very much along the lines of
john grey. It shows many situations where exactly what happened with you and your wife when you got home, are examined. Now my h does not read, especially "girls" books, but he listened while I read this one, and even he laughed, especially when it explains about women and parking cars. Thru this book and mb I began to learn about well everything. One really good point this book had was this, Men whilst driving are driven. They want to get from a to b as fast as possible. Men don't always like to talk when they drive. Woman try to talk, the man ignores them or grunts or appears uninterested. The woman thinks she has done something wrong, so tries to talk to him more to find out what she has done. (which is ususally nothing) the man ignores her more, she gets more and more excited/worried about what she's done. He gets aggitated because she won't just shut up! This isn't coming out right in my own words, the book puts it a lot better. But it is a situation I have been in many times. Now when he is driving and doesn't seem to want to talk I shut up, I try not to assume I've bugged him, and just let him be, and voila.. a less stressful journey.<p>A lot of our small problems that escalated into big fights began with bottling. H would not say when something I did bugged him. He would save it up for weeks, then erupt. I would far prefer him to say,"hey, I felt really yuk when I got home, you threw the kids at me and got on the phone. I didn't like it" then i could say, I'm sorry, it was not meant that way, I wouldn't like it if you treated me like that either, it's just that I was busting to phone my friend and hadn't had a chance to all day, and when I saw you I was so relieved.. Thus making both of us understood and
hopefully a darn sight happier.<p>Keep the communication up and open, and you have to get somewhere! Good luck.<p>heartsore (not so)

I think my signature line says it all really!!
We made the biggest step forward after a really big step backward.

Success story? Well will you settle for success in the making story? LOL!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If yes, you can continue reading this post....<p>d/d Nov 2000. H was sure he had found 'the right one'. Said OW was honest, truthful and loyal. He knew OW for 3 months and called her a 'good friend'. WS moved out to 'find himself' and 'learn how to take care of himself'. OW prego threat 3 times (no proof and no baby), BS miscarried 1 child during this time. H came back with at least 4 false recoveries as of April 2001. After 2nd recovery attempt, WS landed in jail (3 days)for D V charge (later dropped), lived with OW for 10 days, begged to come home. WS kept seeing OW, kicked out and lived on the streets, returned home. BS required that the OW be out of BS and family's lives. True recovery started April 2002. <p>I would like to add that this WS has now regained the title and status of H and shed the WS title. He is not an MB faithful but acknowledges my coming here for support. We recently met with a couple whose W posts here and he had a chance to let the WS H know that he (my H) 'had the best wife he could ever have'. Well that statement put me to tears in front of my guests. Didn't matter, after we were done talking all the adults there were crying (except for my H, he had to go back to work). [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>That 'testimony' by my H was a shocker. Back in Nov 2000, the WS (my H) had told our elders that he was not sorry for committing adultery. Later when he returned he apologized for it and just a couple of weeks ago said the OW was an immoral low life (or something similar). <p>Big change wouldn't you say!!! <p>L.

Great thread, I hope to be a WS that can offer support and success stories in the coming months (realistically a year) since we are only 3 months into our "recovery" Have hope. <p>Best quote I have read that sums up how I want my marriage<p>He was my hero when I met him, '
He's my hero again.
I was his princess when he met me,
Now I'm his Queen

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