My ex is supposed to be coming to my place (actually my Mother's, were I am staying) today or tomorrow to exchange some belongings. I could really use some advice on how to handle this event. It seems to me that it is a crucial moment. I believe even though she has replaced me with her boss which keys into some of her emotional needs, by now she must have missed me at least a bit, so if there is any chance of a 180 it might be now, and I want to do my best. Any advice?<p>Related thread

(((((Ignacio)))))
Hi. I know I am not really welcome here, but I saw your thread and that no one had yet to respond. My advice to you is to keep it light. Appear interested. Let her know you are there, but do not come across too strong, needy, or out of control.<p>I am sure she misses you. I was once in a relationship w/ a wonderful SG (yes I do not always court the married). We lived together 28 months. I left him because MM no longer wanted me to live there. I also was not in love w/ him. When I left, I missed him. He and I are still friendly and I still on occassion miss him. However, I do not pursue it because I never loved him.<p>If your girlfriend ever loved you she is missing you. Good luck to you. fs

> Hi. I know I am not really welcome here,
> but I saw your thread and that no one had yet to respond.
> My advice to you is to keep it light.
> Appear interested. Let her know you are there,
> but do not come across too strong, needy, or out of control.<p>Sure you are welcome. I am planning to keep it light... well not that I am really planning it all that much, I feel pretty calm, I know exactly what I feel and want, and I do not want to do any manipulative stuff, just show her that I care and love and accept. <p>But I am sure some kind of conversation will arise, I would like some advice as to what to avoid and what to bring up that can help us get back together. For example, I have thought of asking what it is that she sees in her boss that she doesn't see in me, but I don't want to seem like I am desperately trying to reason her back to me.<p>I wrote her a poem which I will hand to her when she comes, together with a picture of us.<p>Picture<p>Poem<p>Advice welcome.

For what it is worth, I think the poem is lovely. I would refrain from asking what is it she sees in her boss that she does not see in you. Comparisons tend to lead to competetion (sp?). After all you can truly be no one other than yourself. <p>Be honest. Focus on the relationship or lack thereof between you and her. You have no control over the other relationship or her feelings for this other man. Be sure to let her know you are there for her and willing to repair and restore the relationship between the two of you. Perhaps she realizes already she has made a huge mistake. By letting her know you are willing, minus the pressure - you are giving her an out. I have seen pride keep too many people apart.<p>Again, good luck. I will be checking in to see how it went.fs

We were on the phone a few minutes ago. She is so calm, so ok, so not missing me, falling in love with her boss, says she feels as if she has known him forever, bla bla bla. Somehow when we talk I get the feeling that she is mad at me but she says it is not the case. She's coming tomorrow morning and I need to be in one piece, not an easy task at all.

Ignacio,
Take a deep breath and focus on yourself. She is obviously in the giddy "new relationship" phase with her boss and you don't need to try to compete with that or make comparisons. Just try to relax when she comes, don't appear too needy. Just let her know that you are there for her. Your relationship may be able to be saved and may not, but you can not control her emotions.<p>My prayers will be with you that your meeting with her will not be too hurtful. There are a lot of people here who have been in your shoes and can offer help, encouragement and help. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank You so much Ladysing58 for your support and hope. Im so obsessed, I am thinking right now, are there statistics behind "your relationship can still be saved"? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Ignacio,
I'm sure there are statistics, but then the only one that matters is your own. Try going to the Emotional Needs section and clicking on the thread titled: New, frustrated and looking for answers? It is a great introduction to the Marriage Builders format and concepts. Weekends here are pretty dead, so you can expect more help during the work week. I'm so sorry for your pain.

Well, she came. Thread continues over here

Ignacio,
I read the other thread. I don't think that there is anything else you can do right now. She had decided to try to make this relationship work with her boss, and is not legally commited to you.
Right now, you need to focus on yourself. Employment, family, friends etc. Get out there and live your life the best you can. Even if the relationship does not work out for her, you two might not be the best for each other.<p>I don't mean to sound harsh, but the reality of it is that you don't need to spend your life waiting for someone. My continued prayers to you that you will find happiness. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank You Ladysing58. You are right, I cannot live a life waiting for someone. I have myself to take care about, and I will. But I cannot help feeling like a big part of my life is missing. Did I become codependant? Sure I did, and I do not regret it one bit. Am I willing to wait for her for a while? Yes, I am... and I do not regret that either.

An interesting thing has happened. This thread continues here.