I have like a major problem - letting go- my story in a nutshell is that H had an affair told me 10/01 said it was over never was until supposedly 11/01 - always had OW phone # but it was disconnected.. Then a couple of months ago intercepted messages on his cell phone from my next door neighbor -like 4 in one afternoon and the 4th one was Hi hon thought we were gonna hook up ect.. Ok well complete denial that anything was going on - just friends etc.. Then found out a few weeks later that her original cell # was the # that I had - still denied anything was going on - says there was someone else and they were just friends.. Etc.. Constant lies, I don't know what to believe - we are filing for divorce because he says he is not in love with me anymore it has nothing to do with anyone else .. Now my problem is that I keep obsessing like everytime the lady next door drives out of the driveway I think they are together and he denies it - and alot of the times he can prove that they aren't but I can't stop obsessing - basically I don't know if there really is or was anything going on.. There is alot of circumstantial evidence and alot of phone activity but also alot of denial.. I am driving myself crazy.. How do I let it go - he is gone and I need to move on??? Any suggestions would be helpful...

Hi MaW64, <p>I am sorry. Right in your own area!!! Brokenheart dealt with the same thing. She eventually moved and her H is with the OW even buying the OW a new house. However that is all hearsay because the plans betwen a Ws and OW are never set in stone. <p>Let's bump this up and if you could change your thread line to OW is the neighbor....help!! or something like that, Brokenheart might stop by and post to you. <p>L.

Thanks Orchid I will look for Brokenheart and try to talk to her - I don't know how to change the thread line.... I am not al that great with computers but in the meantime I will seek out Brokenheart - thank you

Have you guys tried plan A'ing? How long have you been married? Any kids? Have you read any of Dr Harvey's info?
Let me know [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Layli

maw64,<p>To change a thread line you have to go to edit, when your thread comes up out to the right there are some icons, one is a notepad and pencil, click or dbl click there and then you can edit anything you want, highlight it and type in the new!!!<p>Sorry don't have any real suggestions for you, just know that it is hard and that you are not the only person to have had the problem.<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I found the best way to let go is to just stop thinking about them and focus on what you're doing and how you will survive. <p>It will be very hard for you especially as its kind of there in front of you. It takes constant commitment and effort, but you have to stop your mind from thinking this way. Literally. If you are thinking about them, and you are aware of it say 'stop' in your mind and intentionally direct your thoughts elsewhere. Its about training your mind. Think of it as part of your plan A, self control. If you let go and stop thinking about 'them' this may reduce your LB's too. <p>Truly, it is hard, I still have to work on this, but I think I have let go of H pretty well. I make sure I have lots to do and lots plan for fun things. Think about what went wrong in your marriage and address those issues, read lots of books. Search the internet for information and new hobbies and interests. I've taken the line that I need to prepare for a new life for me without H, if he comes back, its a bonus!!<p>Good luck

Layli - I have tried plan A'ing but not very good. I am in therapy but he is unwilling - We have been together for 19 yrs and married for 15 in August. We have two girls ages 12 and 9. My Husband was here tonight again he said nothing happened with the neighbor- alot of why we are getting divorced he says is because I will never trust him and my family and friends will never make him feel comfortable again. Which basically is a bunch of crap my family is just upset because of what he has done to me - kind of if I am happy they will be happy.
Daybreak - thank you for the computer lesson and I appreciated your response.
Seahorse - thank you I have never thought about training my mind but basically that is the problem I tend to let my thoughts wander. I really don't know what went wrong in the marriage - I mean we got along fine never had any fights - then last summer he started acting distant and I started joking around about him having a girlfriend but I was really only kidding.. I have been reading alot here at this site and I have been trying to talk to people. It is hard because it is like he is still here alot because of the kids and their activities that he is helping out with now. But as soon as school is over then he will probably be more out of the picture. I need to prepare for a new life without him and stop trying to figure out what he did in his affair or affairs or with the neighbor or with someone else - basically I need a life I guess.. Tonite I hope I have finally made the decision that to heck with him I am going to concentrate on myself. thank you for your response.

Hi Maw64, <p>Here is the link to brokenheart's thread:<p> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=018086 <p>I think you will find it interesting. It is kinda long but she is getting good support and shows how she has moved forward. Now her situation turned a bit nutso for a few days (the OW came into BH's home). It is an intense thread but I think it might help. <p>take care,
L.

Hiya,<p>Check out this site.......<p>http://www.restoreministries.net/index.shtml<p>BA

Thank you Orchid - very instense - and Betrayed Again - I will check out this site when I have more time - thanks again for your help... Mimi