my WH is in withdrawl from his A. it makes me sick!! i do not feel sorry for him and it makes me wish we did not live together through this. i feel it would be better if we were appart. i know he fears , and i do too, that he may never get her out of his head. <p>i feel as though i am shutting and down and am done with him. i don't care if we are divorced or not. i don't want to feel this way but the roller coaster is so hard to ride and i feel like he needs to do some dramatic things to win me back. that might never happen. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>i am sooo frustrated and just feel disgusted by him when i see him. we have already lived apart for a few weeks and he is now home but sleeping in a different room.(advice of a MC) <p>help!!

Wish I could help you fast forward your life, because believe it or not , it does get more comfortable. Notice I said more comfortable and not better. It may get better, but be prepared for it to get tolerable at least. I know it's tough but IMHO just give him time. Try to do the best Plan A you can and look for baby steps. The first thing you need to get to is a level of comfort in this " New World ". What happened with my WS is she eventually stopped being skittish and started to feel more comfortable. Initiate the POJA concerning your discussions about the situation and never a discussion last for more than about a hour to hour and a half. I know it's tough, and I know it's driving you crazy, but try to think of it as having the mumps. The less you scratch at it in the beginning the quicker it will heal. You will have to address things but go slow, and come her often when you feel like you can't take it anymore. The people on this site give great E Hugs. Take care of yourself and I hope this helps.

ok-1st of all what is IMHO and POJA? i cannot translate these.<p>i wish we could be in plan B during his withdrawl. is that a better idea for a BS??<p>also, when does the remorse and humility come in?? ever?? he seems so selfish and unfearful of loosing us right now. i want him to fear loosing us and show that he would do whatever it takes to keep us together. am i hoping for too much?<p>is it better if the A die a "natural death" rather than cut it off and go through this withdrawl?<p>my love bank is seriously in the red and i fear my H doesn't have the humility, remorse or deep concern for me to do enough to fill it back up.<p>i really don't like him right now. that scares me.<p>what do i do?? [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

IMHO=in my honest opinion
POJA=policy of joint agreement (go to the top of this screen under "concepts" you can read about it there)<p>heenie,
I understand your pain and frustrations, I was in you shoes too. If you want your family to recover from this and remain a family, you must do a good plan A and stick with it for some time. I know its hard but let me tell you its worth it to save the family, fall in love again with your WS and live in a marraige the way it should be, happy and in love again. This is exactly what happened with me. A good plan A, in time will cause the WS to come out of the fog and feel remorse and truly regret what he did. It will take time and patience but the goal is to find that love that you two had when you first met when you began courting.
Without giving him his cake and eating it to, try to make deposits in his love bank so that he will see that side of you that he fell in love with the first time.
Is this fair? No. But in the spot you are in now this is what us BS must do so that if it does fail, we can look back and say "I did all that I could and I feel good about myself"
Keep reading, learning and counseling, this is also very helpful. I will say a prayer for you.<p>JMHO [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Stillhurts