My H and I have been married 6 months. We have had problems the entire time we have been married. A few weeks ago I found the reply to an email that he had sent to a woman. It sounded as if they wanted to get to know each other better. Then a woman called our house while I was out. Her number was erased off all the caller ID's except one. Then recently, I was doing laundry and a paper fell out of his pocket with two women's names and phone numbers on it. When I ask H about these things, he blows me off. He explains them away quickly and says I shouldn't worry.

Now these things would not bother me so much other than we have been married for only 6 months and he has no desire to be intimate with me or even show any affection toward me at all. He was not like this before we married.

I would like to know if I'm making too much out of these "red flags" that keep popping up. Maybe I'm looking for reasons why our relationship has taken this downward spiral so soon....

svl,

NO! I don't think you are making to much out of this, Keep reading on this web site and it can help you alot, my husband of 11yrs has had at least 2 affairs that I know of and if I would have had this web site back then, I would have know a lot more. The most recent affair was about 2months ago, and I think he is in another one. Just keep reading!! and good luck!

Welcome, and you are right to pay attention to the red flags. The secretive behavior is one thing but the lack of intimacy is a HUGE indicator that things are not as they should be. It is time for a heart-to-heart conversation with your new husband. Tell him that you are concerned that your marriage is not growing the way you want it to. Let him know what you desire in your marriage: intimacy, trust, affection. Let him know that you want to be a good wife to him. In other words, let him know that you want to do all you can to make your marriage happy, but that it will require more from him. This is a better way to start than to accuse him with the suspicions you have, as well-founded as they may be. Suggest some marriage counseling. You are in this early, and if he is into cheating on you, you have little hope for a happy, successful marriage which can only be built upon trust. I wish you good luck. Bit the bullet, let him know how you feel, make the recommendation for counseling and get moving in the right direction. This site has a wealth of information. Learn all you can and be sure and seek support from friends and family who are interested in helping you build your marriage. My thoughts are with you.

You have a big problem. I could have written your post 6 months after my marriage. This is EXACTLY what happened to me and it turned out that my new H was carrying on with women on the internet and emailing old girlfriends. I would suspect that your H is doing the same. If you don't dig it out real soon and confront him, it may very well move into a full blown physical affair as almost happened with my H. You need to stop this before it goes too far.

Your first step is to find out what is going on - ON YOUR OWN. You have an obligation to protect your interests. There is no virtue in sticking your head in the sand while someone destroys you. You will not get the truth out of him so you need to find it on your own. He will not open up to you unless he knows that you know what is going on.

If he is chasing women on the internet, then you need to install spy software. If he is calling women then you need to install a listening device from Radio Shack.

Do not make the mistake of rationalizing this away as I did for months. Don't believe his bizarre explanations that are SOOOO tempting to believe. [who WANTS to believe that thier H is fooling around?] Do yourself a favor and act on this NOW. It it the only hope for a REAL MARRIAGE, because if what I think is really happening here, you do NOT have a real marriage with a committed man, but a farce with someone who married you under false pretences.

P.S. Just so you don't think such a situation is hopeless, the discovery and confrontation of my H's affairs was what saved my marriage. Exposing his secret life was a huge relief for him and led to his TRUE committment to me and our marriage. After the truth came out we were able to honestly work on building our marriage through counseling and MB principles. Our marriage is wonderful today and it has been 1 1/2 years since D-Day.