MB principal says that during withdrawal the relationship is in a necessary holding pattern and recovery needs to wait till withdrawal is over. I have been dealing with some issues of my own regarding my feelings for WW and I believe I am over them. I am eager to get a jump on the recovery, but I do not want to smother WW or get carried away. How long should I wait? She is showing some signs of love for me, and it feels great. She is begining to want to do things with me, even though it is more difficult because of the kids (like go shoping together). I am enjoying the time we have together, but at the same time, I am keeping some distance.

I am also looking for a MC this week and I need some input. Any suggestions on how to find MC. I have read the article at MC regarding this, and I think that gives some insite.

My WW is off at a work function now. OM will be there. I am a little nervous, but I believe she will do the right thing and avoid contact. There still is a tiny bit of doubt in the back of my mind, but I think it is just some anxiety.

DL;

Recovery, as we all hope to see, is really much harder than anything we've done before. It requires patience and strength. Don't overburden your W with too many demands, but don't let her skirt the issues either.

As for a good MC; this is difficult. MB told me several months back that they will soon be creating a section on the site where they will list "MB-trained" therapists. You can also call them, and of course, there's the best choice: Steve or Jenn Harley.

The Michelle Weiner-Davis site (divorcebusting.com, I believe) does list some therapists in many areas. Calling them can get you some info about that.

There's also a couple of web sites that list therapists by specialty and area. www.find-a-therapist.com

But from personal experience, let me tell you that you should follow the advice Dr. Harley gives on finding a good MC. It's all true! I wasted quite a bit of $ on a couple of them before I went with Steve Harley. Best choice I ever made!

dl:

I would only add, based on personal experience, that you should avoid the HMO therapists at nearly all cost. Check out the "counsel" page on this site for more on this. What Steve says here I found to be very true of my Kaiser MC. She wasn't "bad", just to infrequent and unfocused to be effective. More counterproductive than productive, in my opinion.

Since I'm at the same stage Dreamland is at (where WW recently broke off A), I can relate to what he is saying. I was eager about "getting things moving" too. I tried a couple days ago to get feedback on meeting W's EN's and start discussion of her meeting mine. But it was fruitless. She is still in and out of mourning frame-of-mind so, yes, MB principal about recovery after withdrawal seems correct. And my negative (some positive) feelings, lack of trust for her, are still in the picture and need to be addressed (probably part of recovery process, I guess).

As for MC, I work with Jennifer because I know she already believes in MB model (no, I'm not paid for this--I gladly pay them!). Also, she (and SH) are available by phone, which has actually been quite convenient for our schedules. Less reason for a reluctant spouse to say "Well, I have no time for this...", etc.