I just can't seem to get pass the point of this OW and my husband. He has said he was sorry but don't think he was doing anything wrong at the time only not considering my feelings. How do you forget what went on? We filled out the questioniers, and his had hardly nothing on what was lacking in our lives. Was he completly honest? Is he being honest with himself?
He has really tried hard to put the feeling back into our marriage but it seems so fakey now. Is this just me or what. Sometimes it feels right and other times it don't. Just seems like a little boy getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar, trying to do everything to make Moma happy now.
I don't know what to do with myself now, how do I get rid of all these feelings? I want to go on and get my marriage back together. I want to believe but these things just keep coming back into my mind. What did I do to make him seek comfort in another woman? By the questionaire nothing only putting off paying bills until Monday instead of rushing out to pay them on Friday when they weren't due until the following week. That was the only problem he had. Go figure.
Anyone has any ideas on this one. I can't let go of this.
Huggy

Huggy,
I don't know your whole story, or how long ago you found out, but I think you have come to the right place for help.

First things first; have you read all of the articles and Q&A from this site? Those will give you some perspective.

I see you've filled in the ENQ; these must be done several times over a period of time. If done too soon, the answers may not be totally honest, and of course, as behavior changes, so do the ENs.

Have you read Dr. Harley's Surviving an Affair (SAA)? That will help you tremendously.

It seems your H wants to work on your M, and it appers the A is over. This is very good; the best possible scenario (many of us are living with on-going affairs). Be patient, this takes time, and there are many things and feelings you will go through. Work on understanding them, and you'll be able to recognize and control them.

Be patient, I know it's very hard, I know the feelings...but have faith, you will survive!

I can completely relate to how you're feeling. I hope more people respond.

Huggy,

I can relate totally to how you are feeling. My wife had an affair with an ex lover. I caught her in lies about it.

I know that I did not do anything to make it happen. That is probably the same with you.

One thing that she said was that she didn't feel close to me when we were laying on the sofa watching tv because I didn't put my arm around her. She had never said that before. I would usually put my arm around her for a bit but then it would get uncomfortable and I would move it. Now we have new pillows and it is not a problem.

Another thing that she told me was that I didn't talk much at the dinner table. Excuse me, I am there to eat!

Anyways, you can see that these are hardly reasons to have an affair.

This site has helped us enormously. Print the stuff out, leave it laying around. It helps.

Hang in there and know that you are not alone and it is not just women that feel the way that you do.

Huggy...

I'm sorry for your pain. But, I have a different twist than Spacecase:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Work on understanding them, and you'll be able to recognize and control them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Often times the issue is CONTROL in these affairs. You cannot control another's actions, thoughts, or deeds. The best you can do is influence them in a positive way. I'm dealing with a messy situation (can't find my original thread right now), but the sum of it is my H is either in or just ended a nasty affair and we're separated. They have to make their own choices and voluntarily accountable for them. It's a tough thing to deal with.

Sorry Spacecase... but control is not what you want to do.

I also have to say I would be careful with goldduster's suggestion to </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Print the stuff out, leave it laying around. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When this all started for me, I found internet articles and would either email them or do the same. My H found it "preachy," made the situation worse. Almost as if I was trying to tell him what to do too.

Not trying to start an argument here... just providing alternative views from my experience here.

I think what SC was trying to say was that she should try to understand her FEELINGS and that she would learn to get control over them....not her WS. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ooops! Sorry, double post!

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 11:34 PM: Message edited by: Lady Clueless ]</small>