Maybe I'm at a point where I just don't understand men... at least not mine... but what is it they really want from a woman? A lot of us have probably seen the movie " WHAT WOMEN WANT " , but I'd like to ask the gentlemen on the board... if your M was to be affair proof, what would your W provide you with? I realize there are as many different answers out there as there are men, but I'd like to hear some brutally honest answers about what keeps a H where he's supposed to be. Keep us guessing no longer!

Good question Danni - I want to hear some answers too please!!

Jen

Okay...I will bite....
I want to be appreciated.
I want to be loved.
I want her to desire intimacy with me...and for me to be her hero...her focus...the most important thing in her life.
I want her to laugh at my jokes, even the old not so funny ones.
I want to be the center of her affections.
I want her to acknowledge that I am trying so hard.

Mostly, I want her to be in love with me, and put the past behind us...and act like we are teenagers in love without 25 years of mistakes as baggage in our marriage.

...that's a start.

My ENs...
1. SF
2. Affection
3. Admiration
4. Rec Comp
5. Conversation

top two would do it, but 2 and 3 kinda go together. How's that for starters?

FAB RESPONSE WILLY!

more, more, more!

spill yer guts fellas!

Hi everyone,
I had to smile when I read this.
I actually think that I understand what men feel and want. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I cannot believe it.
It is actually so simple.

Just the other day, my H and I were talking. He had told me something "stupid" and he appologised for it. I looked at him and smiled and I told him that it was ok. He then told me: Try to understand, I am not perfect.
I then responded: Honey, this is difficult, you're my hero and I tend to forget that you make mistakes.
Wow did he give me a look. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> His eyes were glowing and he really felt great.
The next day he brought me flowers.
This time my eyes were glowing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I gave him my best look and didn't have to say anything. He just knew what I was thinking and I could see how good this was making him feel.

He then told me with a smile on his face that the girls in the "Flower Shop" always laughed when they see him. They used to ask him what occasion the flowers were for. He would tell them, there is no occasion, I want them for my wife.
Now they just ask him what colours he would like. So yesterday he brought me a cheary yellow bouquet and the Flower Shop girls gave him 2 tied up roses and told him to give them to me because I must be a wonderful woman. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gosh do I understand how this makes him feel. I understand how my appreciation and affection gives him reasons to be the happiest man on earth.

I just wanted to share this. Fullfilling my H needs has become so much fun and I'm getting so much in return without even expecting anything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care
BB

Hi Danni---

I don't post much any more but couldn't resist...

Willy hits some key points as does blond blossom.

I too desire admiration and affection.

I also want good conversation and someone who is smart, witty and has a great sense of humor--someone who "gets" me.

I also want someone who cares about their appearance, looks, and, yes, even has a great fashion sense (you probably won't hear that from too many men <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) Someone who has a good sense of theirself, yet makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world.

As you can see SF has not made the list yet...but I think good SF happens as a result of all the other stuff falling into place.

Having said that, I will admit that my WW was all of those things and more.

My problem is that I did a poor job of acknowledging it and letting her know how much I appreciated all those attributes...kinda what got me here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Anyway---just my $0.02

E

I would settle for being agknowledged the I do exhist and I am a contributing member of our family <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok, I see the bait and I know that the hook awaits, but I just can't resist.

1. Love, the kind that is not dependant upon emotions... sure, I want to see love in her eyes, but realistically, sometimes you just don't feel it. Then what? Love hopes for all things. This kind of love never loses hope. Feelings come and go.

2. Admiration, yep the hero thing is pretty close to acurate. I love to give and I love appreciation in return. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

3. Friendship, I miss my friend. I understand how feelings can come and go, but I don't understand how you just quit a friendship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Great thread!
Guardian
Psalm 61

Hi Danni C and others,
I hope you don't mind that I'm popping into your thread. I hope it is not bothering you. It is not my intention.
I find your question interesting. So far it makes so much sence to me.

take care
BB

PS:Just something to think about.

"The difference between Men and Women"
When a man marries a woman, he dreams that things will never change.
When a woman marries a man, she hopes that things will change.

I truely think that if we woman get to understand this we will have a better understanding for men. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

LOL...I was always told the key to a mans heart was to show up naked and bring beer!

I've always felt I "get" hubby pretty well, but the more I read and learn I realize that I do show him plenty of affection and attention, but don't always voice all my appreciation and admiration. I have a hard time finding the words, or the voice, to say what I mean sincerely. I don't want to just sound like I'm kissing butt. I'm an excellent conversationalist and have a huge vocabulary...so the problem isn't that it's not there....there's some kind of a block. Hmmm....something to think about.

Thanks for asking these questions! I'm going to see if hubby will answer them later!

Danni C,

Each martian has a diff. need or preferences otherwise we could manifacture wife ... LOL !!!.

My ENs: Admiration, SF, Conversation, Affections & Recreational Activities.

What do I want from my woman ? ... I would like someone that believe in me and be my side ... Everything goes in the bed room <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ... Spend time to talk and listen ... Don't shy to show affections ... Do everything together w/ my 2 D from laundry to cook to competitions. I am not shallow but look & brain definitly add icing on the cake ...... bottom line is give me your heart I will give you my best to treat you as my princess.

To help you out ... you have to guess and listen to what he say and pay attention on his actions ... some of it are babble some of it are true ENs that you have to fill in.

-RH-

My answers are probably a result of my age - 55. I would encourage everyone to read New Passages by Gail Sheehy. This book describes the changes in men (and women) as they age. The changes include those of SF, need for affection, interests, emotions, etc.

When I was 18, I would have said my only need was 24-hour-a-day sex, with as much kinkiness as any woman (or women!) could muster. Today, my needs more closely match those of my wife. Sex and affection are combined, not separate things. And sex includes much more than SI.

(Warning: get out your barf bags.) My wife and I now sleep in the nude every night. We always touch as we lie there. Feeling her pressed against me is another form of sexual fulfillment. Although I could handle SI each day, it is not necessary -- I feel sexually fulfilled in other ways. For example, just seeing her get out of bed as I appreciate her body is also sex, as I see it. And so it goes.

And now on to other needs.

I have a strong need to communicate. My wife and I talk an hour or more a day. This has always been a fulfilled need for both of us.

We both now have a strong need for affection. Likewise, this need is now being met, although it wasn't always.

Like most men, I need admiration and appreciation. I also need a sense of specialness. That's why my W's A's of long ago bothered me so much. Our marriage lost its specialness.

I have two strong needs that aren't often mentioned, but I bet many of us have these needs. I need forgiveness and apology. I need to know my wife cares about my feelings and is sorry for any pain she has caused. I also need to forgive. But likewise, I need for my W to forgive my transgressions. We love each other and care if we cause each other pain.

And there you have it.

Willy1 has a pretty good list :-)

Just like a woman a mans needs change over time.

My needs right now are

Honesty
To be loved
To be desired
I want a friend
I want a companion
To be supported even when I am wrong
Gratitude for what I provide and the efforts I am making.

A man's ego is very much like a woman's self esteem. Being desired and wanted is very important to me.

I play a sports and I loved it when my wife would come to watch. I loved going Six Flags with her. I loved doing most everything with her. To her she was a camp follower and wanted her own life. I wasn't welcome with her when she did her things even though I wanted to be with her.

I just wish when I tried to do something special for her/with her that she would shut up and enjoy.

No matter what I did something would always be wrong. I can't remember the last time she did not send food back at a restaurant or she didn't complain about what I got her for a holiday.

It got to the point that I didn't even want to try anymore because I knew it would be wrong and she would tear my heart out again.

Writing this post is bringing tears to my eyes again.

Back to the topic.

I loved it when my wife would where lingerie for me. To me that told me she wanted to do something for me, she wanted to please me. All I wanted when she did that was to make her happy.

"Show up naked and bring beer"...there are tears in my eyes, but I will do that tonight. Thank you hope4future...

This morning as my H left for work on his bike, I said something to the effect that "you are such a jock"...It felt awkward for me to say this (I, too, have trouble with verbal admiration) and I thought he might laugh and take it as a joke, but he got this huge glint in his eye and as he rode off, he looked back and smiled and nearly fell off the bike, but I could tell that he was pleased.

Thanks everyone. An old dog learning new tricks....

I'd have to agree with Willy and Q-Mark almost entirely. It's been quite some time since I filled out the EN questionaire, but I think they pretty much hit on all of mine.... In no particular order (that'd be too difficult right now): Affection, Admiration, Recreational Companionship, Conversation, and Forgiveness & Humility.

I'd also add Openness and Honesty as I think they'll go far in helping to establish the rest.

I agree in believing that SF can result from these other needs being met. To me, it's not solely about the physical act, but rather much more about the trust and security needed to expose my softer side in an intimate situation.

I'd also have to add the need to be needed and DESIRED. I want to feel like she WANTS me, wants to hold me, wants to grab me and kiss me.

Not that I'm saying my marriage has been this way, because it hasn't, but from past experience I know that it can be a real chore to always be the one initiating and exploring the relationship. It becomes tiresome (SI speaking) to always be the one asking for it, and it's hurtful to be continually turned down.

So, ladies, if you want it..... ASK! Surprise us, wear something sexy, or come on to us, or kiss us where only each of you knows that it'll drive us wild. Rub yourselves against us. Do whatever it takes to let us KNOW that you're ready and fired up. (if even SOME guys are as bad with subtle as I am, they'll GREATLY appreciate it).

Later, and great thread!
K

blondblossom,

Pop all you'd like!!! I'm sure there are as many women who can answer this question as there are men, and the whole purpose of my question was to get as many responses as I can. Your responses and participation are greatly appreciated!

TO ALL YOU GUYS OUT THERE... KEEP 'EM COMIN'!

I'm just starting to realize just how important some of your ENs really are. I think a lot of women, myself included, always assumed that because men are different their ENs are shallow and not as important as ours (I'm not at all proud that I used to think this way).
I LOVE THIS STUFF! You're all helping so much!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Danni C:
<strong> I'm just starting to realize just how important some of your ENs really are. I think a lot of women, myself included, always assumed that because men are different their ENs are shallow and not as important as ours (I'm not at all proud that I used to think this way).
I LOVE THIS STUFF! You're all helping so much!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm ashamed to say I'm one of those women who thought men's EN's were basically shallow and/or selfish. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> If my DH was home (he's overseas off/on with military) I'd call and apologize right now!

After all the garbage we've created and baggage we've dragged around for the last 12 years, I've finally gotten to the point that my main goal is to make him the happiest man on earth. My focus isn't getting over the affairs, or forgetting the pain, or any of the stuff that kept me "busy" for so long. We've both finally healed, and now we have plenty of time to play!

Thanks guys! Your insight has been wonderful! Really helps to see this stuff in writing -- I'm printing this thread right now!

Lori

I feel the same way, now. When I look at my H (on a good day) I think to myself... "he's mine and I'll be damned if anyone's going to make him happier than I can!"

I hope the ladies are listening and hope the guys keep posting!

I guess my #1 EN is a combination of admiration and affection. It lifts you up so much for your wife to tell you that she is proud of you, she appreciates what you have done. It makes you feel like the super hero sometimes. Combine that with a hug out of the blue or a nice touch that says I LOVE YOU and my day is made.

questionmark wrote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My wife and I now sleep in the nude every night. We always touch as we lie there. Feeling her pressed against me is another form of sexual fulfillment. Although I could handle SI each day, it is not necessary -- I feel sexually fulfilled in other ways. For example, just seeing her get out of bed as I appreciate her body is also sex, as I see it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Isn't that the greatest feeling to feel your wifes whole body against you in bed. I told my wife not long before separation the feeling of her nude body snuggled against mine and feeling every inch of hers was the next best thing to heaven.

I think my next would be a rec comp and friend. To me they go hand in hand. If you have a rec comp then they are probably going to be your friend.

SF is important to me but over the last 8 months of my seperation I have come to realize that these other things are very important to me and the sex will come along with these things. I guess sometimes it takes tough times to really see what you need to really fulfill you.

Love in Christ
cajunky

Shallow Guy checking in here:

Give me SF often, varied ways, various places. You will see flowers, candy, and diamonds like never before! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh, I forgot.........a home cooked meal once and awhile because you will make me sooooo hungry!!

We really are not complicated creatures. We need food, water, remote control, a finger to pick the nose with, and LOTS of SF!

Gib