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Joined: Oct 2000
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bump up for Albany

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bump


tryingtogetit
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back to the top

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Thank you! I have been searching unsuccessfully for this thread.

Caren, best of luck to you.


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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for IAmSoLost

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bump for chaka


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 421
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I am bumping this up because it is a good post to keep alive for those going through Plan B. I was thru it twice and it worked...H and I are in recovery and trying to build the marriage that we both want.

If you can, remember to........

[color:"red"] send a copy to OP with a note at the bottom as suggested by MB, see below[/color]

In my case, it helped push the OW and the A over the deep edge. She went psycho on FWH when she received my copy. (thanks to Chris CA123 if you are still out there for the reminder to me). Below is my letter…hope it helps others out there in need.

------------------------------------------------------

My Dearest H,

This is a very difficult letter for me to write. I have thought a lot about our marriage and where we are going.

You know my thoughts and feelings. I love you and have ALWAYS cherished you with my heart, my mind and my body. I want to be with you and work on making our marriage the best ever. H, I am ready, not just to live together, but to devote wholeheartedly to our marriage. I commit to you and our marriage, but it takes two of us. I know that when we try together we are a great team. I believe we can learn from our mistakes and grow from them. With effort and desire, we can rebuild the love and become a family again. I believe we can have a marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts. I believe we can have a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage

I apologize to you for my part in creating the conditions that helped make your affair possible. I made you feel that other things were more important than you—that is the furthest from the truth. You are my Super Star. You are the most important, special person to me above all else. I often put my family and feelings first. I am sorry for hurting you—by saying and doing things in anger. I now realize the competitive nature of our relationship is not healthy because we are teammates. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I have made in the past and create a NEW life for us that will meet your needs. You have noticed the changes in me and see that I am trying. I want to continue to grow as a person and as your partner.

I’ve loved you for over twenty years. I look back through our life and choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I am trying to forgive whatever pain you have caused me and hope that in time you will forgive me too. I hope with all of my heart that we can both put aside our harsh feelings and frustrations and see the good and the hope.

You have told me you have not made up your mind. I feel so much for you as I know this is very difficult. However, you have chosen to spend time with one another person and be in contact with her. I just cannot bear to be with you or see you while you are still involved and giving your emotional connection to someone else. To preserve the love I have for you, I have come to a decision on my own. I need to stop seeing or talking to you under these conditions. The current situation is becoming extremely hurtful for me. The past few months have been a difficult time for me, the most emotionally traumatic in my life. Please know that this is not to punish you but to protect my feelings for you and to give our marriage the best chances for recovery. If we continue as we are now, there would be nothing left. I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way. If you choose to come back and work on our marriage, I want to know that you made the decision on your own.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from the other woman, demonstrate it in a credible way, and are willing to discuss a plan to work on our marriage, then I will be willing to talk about our future.

I have loved you for so long and continue to love you today. I want to be able to rebuild our marriage into a new life where we meet each other's emotional needs and do everything that makes both of us both happy. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me and I want you to be my best friend, my lover and my husband.

I love you with all my heart,

[color:"red"] "OP, I love WS with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for him to give me that chance." [/color]


BS/me: 65
FWH: 75
Together: 36 years, no kids
D-day: 3/04
Plan A: 7 mos. Plan B #1 & #2
Recovery:11/04
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:-)

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Bumping for Daggi and others......

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^bump^ WOW - this is exactly what I needed and will post mine as soon as I have digested all of these

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Quote
^bump^ WOW - this is exactly what I needed and will post mine as soon as I have digested all of these

I thought you'd like this ... why re-invent the wheel I always say

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

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Pep:

That's not a wheel, it's a Cassegrainian mirror blank!

-ol' 2long

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Bumping for CompletelyLost

LA

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bump <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

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bump for Mrs Wookie

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bump for DogFood


M2L

ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06


Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Bump for me...


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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.


BS - 36 (me)
WS - 25
D-Day - 01/08/07(EA), 02/02/07 (PA)
Divorce Final - 09/14/07

"It's only the fairy tale they believe"
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Bump for others like me who need this

Still


BW me 46
WH 46
Together 28 years married 23
3 Kids DD20, DD17 and DS 14
DD #1 (1st A) 10/13/01 with single OW who was co-worker
DD#2 1/23/02 phone call from OW
WH left job 4/02
MC 10/01 to 4/02 (when he showed up)
Separated 7/04 to 10/04
Retrouvaille 9/04
Red Flags 11/05
DD#1 (2nd affair) 8/16/06 with MOW age 29 twice married and he's her boss.
Moved out (him) weekend after labor day
23rd anniversary 10/7/07
Filed 10/18/06 still seeing MOW
Dropped divorce complaint 6/7/07
Joined: Jun 2007
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Bumping, b/c I was searching for this and thought others might need it too.

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