Not having a good day, good week or even a good month. Because of this last D-day I
have been thinking of throwing in the towel. My emotional wall between W and I is very
high. I have a hard time feeling good when we embrace. I keep telling her I love her when
we are together but the feeling I used to have appears to be dying. My W says she wants
to make it work but we had a LB discussion last night. Nothing either of us said helped the
situation. Her C injects doubt about me in some sessions. When the last D-day occurred, I
called the OW and left a stupid voice message wishing her a happy 4th of July. When she
called me back at work the following Monday, I shut her down immediately and told W
about it as soon as it happened. Even apologized for it. Now her C is saying there must be
other reasons for me calling her. There was not. It was stupid and I know it, I admitted it
and am sorry for it. W asked me why I did it and I told her that the our discussion on D-day
led me to believe our M was over. W said she needed to "talk to him (OM) about some
issues" and might go to see him that weekend. I went to a bar, had some brews and
stupid call was made.
If anyone is keeping score on contact phone calls over the last year its me=2, her =200.
Since we BOTH had A's (me 2+1 before marriage, her 1) I don't think our M is salvagable
(sometimes). Her 6 D-Days with me caused me to build this very high wall. She has said
over and over again that she "didn't mean to hurt me" each time but repeated the same
mistake over and over. OM even called me and said he would "never leave her alone". My
W and OM did have a huge falling out but he called her back and appologized. Now OM has
occasionally tried to re-establish contact.
W says I am difficult to talk to and he was soooo easy to talk to. W also admitted that she
kept him around "just in case" things didn't work out with me. GREAT WAY TO SAVE A M
HUH?

Now sadness and defeat are creeping in more and more. With all the damage we have
done to each other, maybe we need to end it so D-day #7 doesn't occur. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

just looking at your signature line.... were the D-DAYS always with the same OM? I think so, from what I read. In which case, I dont think the affair ever stopped.... it was just 1 Affair from which WS failed to recover.
I reckon you discovered this site, the MB principles and all that stuff not too long ago... right? In which case I recommend you to get up to speed on all this. The stuff really works, trust me.
I further might guess that you havent done a plan A, or B yet after D-Day.... right? another reason maybe why these D-days kept on coming over and over.
Not sure if I'm way off here...just my thoughts & suggestions

nick-

I found out about MB back last year, don't remember exactly when. BUT, I was doing plan A since D-day #1. Held back the LB's but W did not believe the changes, so she continued to talk to and see OM. Only time LB's would come out was when I found out about another contact (D-Day)! It was ONLY after I told her enough was enough and said I refused to continue to play her "love triangle" game that she NOW says its over?? So you see, I HAD to threaten (and actually call my attorney) for her to snapout of it...MAYBE? But to get my entire story, you need to go to IR and read my posts.
Now I am torn, destroyed, and angry so much, that I have an empty bank. She tries to make deposits, but they don't register. She also made deposits in the past, only to BLOW THEM UP later.
Am seriously leaning toward the big D but............ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

doogie,

Unfortunately, I'm right there with you. My W tells me she doesn't want a D but the D-Days just keep coming. She tells me she and OM just need to "talk about some things." I know it's practically impossible not to LB after finding renewed contact. I plan A'd for about six months until I realized contact had not stopped. Now, I don't know what plan I'm in. I'm not going to plan B because I'm not moving out and neither will she. She tells me I'm mean. I reply, "considering how you continue to lie to me, how could you blame me? These WS just don't get the connection between their lying and infidelity and our crappy moods. I've told her I'm pursuing D unless she agrees to NC. It hasn't happened yet so I don't know where we're headed. I just feel lost. Like I said, our stories are very similar. I know I need to stop LB but I'm starting to think it's impossible.

yank-

I am starting to come to the realization that the only way to get the OM out of MY life is to D the wife. When last D-day occurred, I told her that. I think this weekend, I will have "THE TALK" ...with her. Gotta plan this carefully, so not to go into orbit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

doogie,

Good luck. Let me know what happens.

Yank-

Had "the talk" with the W on Tuesday. Asked her if she thinks our M will make it. She said she is sure it will. Asked her about her feelings toward OM and she said she still feels "bad for him". When I asked why, she said that he has a self esteem problem just like her and she can "relate to that". I guess I would feel bad too if I was trying to get another woman to come to me with little success!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She also said some things that contradicted (IMHO) the conversation she had with her mother when last D day was discovered. When I played back the recorded phone call (that's right--phone tap), she says now that is in "the past" and she feels a lot better this last couple of weeks about us. She also says she was "confused" back on July 3rd and not now?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> BUT...the OM hasn't attempted contact again (as far as I know).

So...the question that remains in my mind is this...does she feel good about us because the OM hasn't attempted contact lately??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We had a MC session last night and she said that I do not compliment her enough...kinda hard to do lately when you hurt so bad. She also said during our MC session that "I pushed her into her affair" but this morning recanted statement. I have ALWAYS accepted responsibility for the things I did that made HER feel bad...BUT I draw the line on the affair with the OM. NO-ONE forces anyone else to sleep with the OP. I have NEVER blamed my W for my A and she acknowledges that I NEVER have but she feels responsible anyway.

The hurt continues...the doubt remains...MC says we MUST talk more...AGREED!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />