Well, my wife ended her A back in early February and now, six months later, I have never been happier or more in love in the 23 years we have been together.

Some BG- my wife and I have had a very checkered past. 6 years of on and off dating before we married. Numerous infidelities and breakups during that time (by both of us). Major drug and alchohol abuse by me lasting 5 years into my marriage (I did rehab in 1990 and got sober).

My wife has always loved me, but I never really committed to her, because my addictions prevented me from feeling true love. On outside our life seemed great, on inside we both were in alot of pain. Made several bad financial decisions and
filed bankruptcy in 1992, lost my house, etc.
Both committed our lives to Jesus in early 90's but pain and pressures of life didn't abate. My wife was fed up and had A with a married friend from our Bible study. I suspected and confronted him, he confessed, my wife and I tried counseling.

But I wanted revenge and a "taste" of the "fun" my wife had. So I pursued same friend's wife and ultimately had A with her. No real sex, just alot of kissing, touching, heavy petting, phone sex, etc. Ultimately the OW confessed everything to our pastor, Bible study friends, my wife, etc. Big big mess. Issue never dealt with. My wife and I went on.

6 years later, been thru many serious family issues, oldest daughter got pregnant, we raised
her daughter when she ran away, had custody battle with her, she got pregnant again, got married, disowned us, took off for Florida, didn't see her or grandchildren for two years, finally reconciled. Big mess.

Anyway, wife was again fed up. Lonely, disillusioned, unloved, was contacted by old high school boyfriend, they began talking on Net. Things progressed, she fell in "love", had A, blah, blah, blah. Read my posts from Jan to get
the gory details.

Bottom line. My wife never stopped loving me. She wanted me all along. She found a substitute.

TRUTH!! I learned how to love my wife from this website!! TRUTH!! I learned that love was action, not feeling. That love was giving, not wanting. I learned that I can chose to love, regardless of how someone behaves towards me. I learned that love can be BUSTED. I learned that faith can be rewarded. I learned that there are strangers in the world experiencing the same pain as me who can be my lifeline (Cali, JDMac, Lexxy, MaggieRose, J.R., BrambleRose, even Sad-n-Lonely and many, many others) I learned that there is a program of recovery that works. I learned that it can't be done ALONE!! That alone I was a mess.

I did what I was told by the veterans here. It wasn't easy at first. No rewards. I regressed many times. I LB'd. I cried. I wished I could have my own A. I made mistakes.

But I made a choice to love my wife. No matter what. And to demonstrate that love, no matter what. And she responded. She ended A on her timetable, not mine. She came back to me very slowly, very cautiously. I continued to love her with all my heart. I modeled my love on Biblical
principles (1 Cor 13). My love began to be rewarded. Not on my timetable. Not the way I demanded. But naturally, sincerely, devotedly, by a wife who has wanted to give to me all these years but was afraid such giving would leave her exposed. That I would steal from her and then leave her empty, like I had done so many times before. But the more she gave, the more I returned. She saw a true change. I now understand love. I feel love. I realize my desires cannot be demands. The old Beatles tune, "the love you take is equal to the love you make". It is true. I learned that here.

For all of you out there. There are many success stories on this site. I am one of them. Pray to God to reveal to you your heart's desire. God affirmed that my wife is my heart's desire. I decided to forsake myself, and give everything I am to her. As this site tells us, that is the best you can do. In my life, it has been rewarded. God has given me my heart's desire. She is more wonderful than I would have ever dreamed. She is so beautiful, sometimes I gasp when I look at her. Our lovemaking has more intimacy than I could have ever desired. Our conversations are deeper, and more respectful, than any I've ever had. Our friendship is more honest, and trusting, than I thought possible.

My life has been transformed. My marriage saved. My faith renewed.

This is a lifelong commitment. There will be troubles. There always are. But nothing can be worse than what I've gone thru already. I was ready to drown myself in booze, to numb myself with pills, to drift in a heroin haze. I was contemplating violence. I was an emotional cripple.

But God never forgot me. Every time I turned to Him, He answered. You folks here are the only ones I confided in. You didn't judge, you didn't mock, you didn't ignore. You responded with love, encouragement, advice, humor, and tough talk when I needed it.

I don't come here much anymore. I try not to re-live the pain of adultery that appears here. I try not to live inside my head. For me, it is self-destructive. I live in the here and now reality of my life. I enjoy the simple pleasures God allows me to have, my wife, her love, my kids and grand-kids. I am a young 45 year old. Healthy. Happy. Comfortable. Eternally grateful.

God Bless you all. I hope to see you as we trudge the road of happy destiny. I'll be the one up ahead, skipping along holding hands with the curvaceous beauty! Humming a happy tune (probably a Springsteen number)

Boppo,
I'm very glad for you and your wife and that you posted an update.

And, perhaps, after more healing, you can be one of the ones who helps guide & support & offer hope to those who are arriving newly in the pain of infidelity or trying to cope, that some couples do make it through, and it's good. (oops, how'd I get on a soapbox? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

Best wishes.

Hi Boppo ~

I remember you well. I am so very glad to hear the love and joy coming through your post.

There is alot of pain here ~ but ~ I want you to rethink your absence here. God, through the people on this site, gave you love, support, wisdom, and help through a very difficult time in your life. Don't you think sharing what you learned, so that others can experience your joy also, is the best way you can repay the goodness that God has given you?

I know that I can never, ever, in a million years, repay the love and support I was given during the worst years of my life. But in a small way I can repay that debt by giving to others what was shared freely with me.

Thank-you for the encouragement!

Thanks for sharing your success Boppo! You and your wife are an inspiration!
God bless you both!
Bh

Good to see you again, Boppo...

It's great to see you have such success, and I know there were plenty of times you were suffering big-time.

I wish we all could "get there"... and really, we all will, just a question of "when" and who we'll be with.

It's such a hard road, we all kind of lurch and lunge down it, no matter how much help and guidance... be thankful for what you have (as I know you are!), and we all appreciate your good-will and prayers!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yeah... I'm really happy you posted this. THANK YOU so much for the update.

Our GOD is an AWESOME God!

Hugs and Prayers,
Cali

Boppo,

Yes, thanks for posting this update. And thanks for mentioning my name with the others. This sort of helps inspire me to keep coming around. There have been times I wondered if anything I have said made even a little difference to someone on these boards. Actually seeing my name mentioned with some of the others is a great high. Now if I could just get those others to stop in from time to time, hint, hint....lol.

I too would ask that you drop in from time to time and shout out a little encouragment to someone. Doesn't have to be very time consuming. Just something to let people know you have been there and made it, and you care.

I am extremely happy for you and your family. Only by the Grace of God.

Proud of you Bop.

jd

Hi MB'ers,
I read this thread and just bawled as my life is just as messy! I posted on GQ about how to get WH to admit to the affair? and got some good response. Yes I was grabbing for any info to get me out of this severe depression. (no antidepressants as I have angina and they also make me very sick). I was doing good - not talking to WH and doing many things. I had surgery and now arm has same problem and I was casted and it made everything more intense.Live byself and one hand is hard when ya got so much to do!
Now WH is living with trash so a cop told me. Yes I snooped as I wanted to ask him where our taxes were with no other way now and boy what you find out, (cop pulled me over as I was in a park spying to find out where to write to him or talk to him). I am in counselling finally with a Divorce Busters Councelor that is close to here. Now she says no conditions if WH wants to come home? Now how am I going to just let him back with no guidelines or any commitment or no contact with OW? Boy she threw me for another loop! I am sorry I rattle I just needed to get this off my chest today as I am very down once again. Thanks for listening and have any ideas please let me know. I am new here but not new and yes I have read everything on this site and printed most to re-read. I am so grateful to God and you for this wonderful site. I believe it keeps my sanity as I have days were my head is so foggy. Thanks again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Boppo -
Thank you for your post. It gives me some hope today when I was feeling like all was lost.

Vee

Boppo,
Thanks so much for your wonderful, heartfelt and inspiring post! It literally brought tears to my eyes. H & I are in 10 months into the recovery process. His A is over and he is truly a different person, ready to move forward totally committed to our marriage. I'm the one who's struggling now, struggling to trust that we can hold on to the love we've come to have these last few months, struggling with the lies and deceit from the past. I like your wife am somewhat "afraid such giving will leave me exposed". I'm a Christian person. I've tried several times to turn this thing over to God only to turn around and take it back. Your post has some really good advice about making the choice to love. I think I will print this and read it often. You really should consider dropping in here occasionly to offer encouragement to others. Your story is truly one that can offer hope to many here who so desparately need it. Thanks so much and take care to nurture what you have - it's a precious gift!

Thank you Boppo...Praise God!

Like Almost There I too will print your post and read it when needed...thank you agian for sharing.

And to all the "seasoned" MB'ers who offer advise and guidence...Thank You! I couldn't do it without you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />