luscious:
Yes, my WH left me (see my signature line below for details), I didn't know why. We had a huge fight earlier in the month that he was blaming it on, but nothing that should lead to divorce.
He mentioned that he was thinking it was better to get a divorce, took a few days away to visit family, and I came back from work one day to a husband with a car packed of his clothes, our DVD's and CDs. He said he wanted a divorce.
My first reaction was to throw something. So I did, I threw a glass into the wall, it didn't break but a pretty big dent in the drywall. then I just fell to my knees and bawled like a baby. Begging and pleading for him not to do this. This behavior went on for a while. I immediately joined a "DivorceCare" support group (go to
www.divorcecare.com for groups in your area) at a local church. (BTW, this program is not only for the divorced, but for the divorcing, and the separated). I grew a little stronger day by day, began a relationship with God that I never had, and started to trust that God would see me through.
The first night I met with my support group, I felt the need to find where my husband was. He would not tell me where he was staying. So I got some addresses of people he worked with and decided to do some drivebys to find out where he was. The first address was a female coworker of his that he seemed to always mention. I thought they were just close friends, did not realize how close. Drove by her apartment, and my heart sank in my stomach when I saw his car parked outside at 10pm at night. I then knew why he left. I had someone else knock on the door for me, OW opened it and I barged in. OW left the room, my WH had a surprised look on his face. To be honest with you, I have no clue what we said, but there was alot of yelling.
I then left, did a major LB, called MIL on the phone and asked her why she had lied to me about her son. I had asked if there was anyone else, and she just said, "he's not happy". Maybe you two should get out of this since you don't have kids.
WH kept trying to call me.
I stayed home from work that day. He came over. We talked. For the next few days he acted like he was coming back. That was False Recovery #1.
Even though I was a little stroner, I still begged and pleaded. "We can work this out", etc. I think I "pushed" him away. He filed for divorce but never sent me the paperwork but it was in the newspaper as filed.
I started to get a little stronger. Got back down to my pre marriage weight, changed a few things, he then started to come home August of last year. At that time he still worked with OW, he couldn't deal with that, seeing her everyday, plus the gossip at the office, he could not go through with it. That was False Recovery #2.
Ever since then, he has been on the fence, he never threatened divorce again (it eventually got dropped),but kept saying he didn't know what he wanted. He would take me out to lunch, mention things here and there about doing things together "if" he came home. I also kept asking "when" are you coming home. this seemed to push him away.
Now, consider yourself very fortunate that you have found this website and this board. I found it back in April and have been trying to committ to Harleys principles. I backed way down on pushing, tried not to LB etc.
Now, you can check out some of my latest posts, WH is considering us again, for attempt #3, maybe 3 times is a charm, right? This time it seems to be real, hes been remorseful in ways, and more open with his feelings. it also helps that I knowe I need to have boundaries within myself and know that we have to do certain things to recover. I am not going to just let him come home, regardless of what he did, like attempts #1 and #2. I want a true recovery. YOu cannot have true recovery one sided in a marriage, it takes two.
My advice to you is to implement the Harley principles, post often on these boards, if they don't save my marriage, they have saved my sanity, because I truly know I have done everything I can do.
The worst thing to do is to beg him to come home. I did that, it does not work. YOu need to make him see someone that he wants to come too. Change yourself to be a better person. Learn to totally love yourself first to the fullest, then you can be loveable.
I have tried to cover alot of ground here, so if you have any particular questions, please ask. If you do not want to post them to the board for some reason (even though I highly recommend it because there are people up here that know what they are talking about), you may email me at mb_going_crazy@hotmail.com.
Also, apart from Harleys books, read "Power of a Praying wife".
